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The Secret of The Swan: Ch3

by Rin321


Two Years Later

Park Jimin scanned what had to be the hundredth item of the morning at the 7-Eleven. His shift started at eight in the morning and he was already feeling monotonous. The business was relatively steady as usual, he was scanning through the normal group of morning coffees and snacks grabbed by regulars before they went to work or school. He heard the bell from the door once again and looked up to see who had entered. A man about his age had sulked in, black hoodie and jeans. The hood was over his head so he only saw a shadow of his face when he faced Jimin and gave a lazy wave. Jimin felt something strange upon seeing the man but ignored the small twinge.

A moment later a young girl rushed in the door and straight into the snack aisle. Jimin chuckled as he assumed she was probably running late to classes. He pushed his brown hair back from his forehead and glanced at the news broadcast on the small television on the front wall of the store. He grabbed his glasses from the counter beside him after trying to squint at the headlines. When he put them on, he sucked in his breath.

Found in an abandoned lake a few miles out of town, was the body of former Detective Jung Hoseok. Two years ago he disappeared with almost no trace. His car was at his home and there were signs that he was in the home, but then seemed to almost vanish, never to be seen again. It was covered by the news when it first happened for months as they searched for him, but as most stories do, this one had faded. It was assumed that one of the many criminals that he had investigated or put in jail had gotten to him out of revenge, but the news never disclosed who they suspected.

Jung Hoseok was a local and frequented this store often. Jimin remembered how kind the officer was whenever he came. What he remembered the most was the beaming smile that made the sun seem dull. He was so full of life, and Jimin had always wondered how a man surrounded by death and the evils shown by mankind could have such a positive disposition. The confirmation that he was dead this whole time upset him. He wasn’t very close with the man, but there was that small impact that someone who had once lived and breathed and conversed with him was cold and dead. He would no longer see his family or help put away the scum of Daegu. Who could do this?

Jimin snapped out of his trance at the screen and noticed the hooded man staring at the news as he was. There was an emotion hinted upon his face, but Jimin couldn’t quite place what it was. Jimin looked around and still couldn't see the girl. He stood in wait for the customers to find what they came to purchase. The man glanced at Jimin and quickly shifted his eyes once Jimin had made eye contact with him. He quickly slinked into the snack aisle. A moment later, the girl walked quickly out of the aisle, tossing a water bottle and bag of candy onto the counter. Her leg bounced as she looked at the door. Jimin rung up her items and she handed him what she owed. Taking off her backpack, she tossed the items in and ran out of the door.

Jimin glanced up and saw the man run out the door after her. What was going on? He saw him get down the street some then give up and turn around. The man entered the store and walked up to the counter and handed him money.

“She had a few more snacks in her bag that she didn’t give you to check out. She just might be struggling right now, here is what I saw she owed,” he said. Jimin looked at awe at the man. He could have just let the girl steal and said nothing, but he was standing up and paying for her.

“Did you know her?” Jimin asked. The man shook his head. “I’ve never seen her before.”

The man took off his hood for the first time. Jimin took in his unruly black locks. The curls were messy and careless, but almost purposefully. Jimin smiled at him, observing his big brown eyes for the first time. “That’s very kind of you, I’m sure the manager appreciates stand-up citizens like you. Thank you.”

The man shrugged his shoulders. “No big deal.”

“Is there anything I can get you? On me,” Jimin offered the man.

“No thank you, Jimin,” he said with a small smile. Jimin paused as the man said his name.

“How did you know my name?” he asked nervously. The man pointed to his name tag and laughed. “I can read.”

Jimin joined him in the laugh, his worry vanishing instantly. He was being silly. Why was this man messing with his emotions? He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he just felt off.

The man gave him a small wave before replacing his hood and walking out of the store. Jimin was baffled by this incident. The man was even more interesting to him. He looked back up at the screen and saw that through the whole ordeal that enough time had passed and the news story about Jung Hoseok was being played again. With a sigh, he looked away from the screen and began to count the money in the register to pass the time left in his shift.


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Sun Feb 09, 2020 4:57 am
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writerkitty wrote a review...



^_^ Heyo! I'm back with another review!

Ooh, a time jump and a new character!!

O.o It took them two years to even find Jung's body!? Gosh... o.o Taehyung is extremely skilled at killing and hiding bodies, no wonder The Swan uses him to carry out all the dirty work for them.

;-; Now I feel even sadder about Jung's death... he seemed to have been quite a nice person and a detective! :O So he was onto them... he might've gotten super close to exposing The Swan so they killed him off... Hmm, I wonder what happened to the other two people whose names were revealed. O.o I'm guessing they might've met the same end, giving that nothing has happened to The Swan yet.

Who is this mysterious dude? Don't worry Jimin, I sense something strange about him too... xD
I think it's Taehyung, good job not giving away his appearance in the first two chapters, so right now, even though you describe how the hoodied man looks, the reader's can't confirm whether it's Taehyung or not xD

Jimin snapped out of his trance at the screen and noticed the hooded man staring at the news as he was. There was an emotion hinted upon his face, but Jimin couldn’t quite place what it was.


Hmm... this has gotta be Taehyung... I'm pretty sure now

It's kinda fishy how this guy acted. Why'd he come to the store anyway... It didn't seem like he wanted to buy anything. And he left right after the girl left the store, and he paid for the snacks she stole >.> What's going on? Maybe he was actually being nice because after all, the only reason why he's killing people is that because The Swan wants him to. O.o Maybe he's a nice, kinda mysterious person in the general public. I'm pretty curious to know what his motives were, maybe he's spying on Jimin o.o We didn't really get to know much about Jimin yet, and what if this job is just to cover up his actual job... maybe he's a detective or someone like that. Or...maybe not, because after seeing the news, he did feel sad about Jung, but he didn't seem to be seeking revenge, or anything...

O.o I dunno, I'm just really curious to know more about this character. I hope Taehyung doesn't kill him off soon... ;-;


^-^ As always, this was a pretty interesting chapter and I'm looking forward to read more!! :D

Keep up the good work!

writerkitty




Rin321 says...


Thank you for the review! I love hearing your thoughts and concerned for the characters I literally smile so much and it encourages me to keep writing! Love it love it! Thank you again for taking the time to review my work!



writerkitty says...


^^ Of course!! I'm really glad to hear that you like my reviews! :D :D :D



Rin321 says...


:D



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Fri Feb 07, 2020 3:51 pm
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Honora wrote a review...



Hey Rin! I’m here as promised! Just gonna jump into it!

Jung Hoseok was a local and frequented this store often.
To keep up with him being deceased, maybe add a “had” in between “and” and “frequented”. The way it is now sounds like he still does...and that would be creepy :-P

A suggestion...when they are speaking to each other, I think it would be better is you put them on separate lines. This way, there would be no confusion as to who is talking. I was a little bit confused at first ;)

I’m guessing this hooded man in Taehyung! Maybe not but I get that vibe from him as I’m sure you meant for. I like this chapter because it is developing his character more even though we are from a different POV.
I am also wondering who this Jimin kid is and what his role in the book will be. I’m pretty excited to read more and I’m super glad I have more chapters ahead of me! :D

Also, I want to point out that I love the length of each piece as well. It makes it quick and easy to review! If it’s longer I have to log in on my computer and I rarely ever do that so I can review this on my phone. It’s pretty nice so thank you for that.

I’ll be back!

Your friend,
Honora




Rin321 says...


very truw with the first correcting, i overlooked it when editing lol, good eye!
With dialougue, it think it's one of my weak points, I struggle with the formatting some times bc i try to avoid spacing everything out so much but that's a valid point!

You're right on track! yeah, I don't make my chapters super long, but they don't have a set length, the longest so fa is like almost 2k words, but a little longer on here bc in this site i put two chapters together bc one was really short and saw no point in paying 200 points to separate that small chapter lol
enjoy, thank you for taking the time to read and review my work! <33



Honora says...


Yeah we always seem to struggle with something don%u2019t we! It can be a pain trying to improve too but you will get there! :D



Rin321 says...


for sure!




Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)