Young Writers Society

Hello there! Here's my review:

Technically and grammatically, everything's fine and great. You vary your sentence styles and you are creative with word choice. Thumbs up on that.

Now, to the story. The one thing you really don't want to do, in your first chapter or in any chapter, is info-dump. It is a lot of information thrown at the reader and none of it is retained, and the reader quickly loses interest. What is more intriguing for a reader is to read an opening chapter that throws the character into a scene of mystery, where you don't know who the character is, why he's there, or any of his backstory. And then, through action, dialogue with other characters, and using the environment, let the story tell itself in a way. I will construct a short example (using some of your words) using the premise of your story:

"Taehyung sat quietly in his Toyota Corolla, the night echoing around him. He pulled out his phone with a sigh. The last message sent from the Swan read: "Your next assignment is a man named Jung Hoseok. You better not fail this time."
Taehyung glared at the screen. "I know, boss," he thought. He shook his head. He wished he could be with Jung's family at church. Instead, he would be the reason they came home to an empty house, their loved one gone without a trace, never to be seen again..."

Again, that's just an example. I sincerely hope this review helps and inspires you.

^-^ Helloo! Writerkitty here with a review for you! ( Tis good to see you back on YWS!! I'm not sure whether you still remember me though xD Anyway, welcome back!! ^^)

This is quite an interesting concept and right off the bat, I just had a loooot of questions and I really want to learn more about Taehyung, Jung and as well as about the organization.
You've done a great job in hooking the readers to your story and keeping them intrigued till the end.

Another thing that I liked about your story, is that you started it with all the action and provide the background information later on. ^-^ This is quite nice because it doesn't make the story boring or give away too much information.

Swan seems like a really mysterious organization and I'm really curious to know what kind of motives they have. :O They really don't seem like a good type of organization....because they assign people to kill others. O.o And that's basically what most gangs do anyway.

What Jung Hoseok had done to get on the bad side of The Swan, Taehyung didn’t know. He didn’t get to ask questions either. He just knew he had to get the job done, clean and simple. Stakeout his subject, get information, terminate, and leave undetected.

He had little time to dwell because Jung’s red Prius had made its way up the darkened street. Cautiously, it pulled up into the garage. Taehyung watched Jung enter the garage door into the home as the large door closed. Taehyung took a breath and gathered together his things. Slipping on his small black messenger bag, he slipped out of his car. Locking it behind him, he began to slink down the dark street to the Jung home. It was time.

He looked down and checked his phone, it was almost nine. He noticed that Jung's parents and sister were leaving the home, as planned.

Taehyung took a breath and gathered together his things.

During the day, he was a detective and came home approximately nine o'clock every night.

Hello Rin! I am Honora and I am here to leave you a review to this excellent piece of work!
So, since I’ve never reviewed your stuff before, I will give you a run down on how I work things. I first tell you what I think can be edited and then I go on to tell you what I love. That way I can leave you on a positive note! my main thing I want to say, is don’t take any offence to anything I say. I never mean to insult but just to help you out and hope you grow from it!

Alright review time!

So I literally only found one thing.
...and since that mistake has taken extra measures to be careful.
Basically nothing wrong but maybe add he in between mistake and has. Just so it doesn’t break up the wonderful flow your book has.

Overall I really enjoyed this. Just enough suspense to make me want to read more, enough info about this “organization” that I’m intrigued to know more about his relationship with it, and a pretty good character development already. I love how there’s no info dump about who he is and why he works for The Swan. That’s always awesome to add gradually.

Love it! I will be reviewing your other chapters! Oh and could you tag me in these?

Your friend,
Honora

I loved the sense of anticipation. As I read more and more, I became more curious about the story. I have so many questions, and I want to read on and get answers. Definitely keep that up, it’s a key element of writing.
Your writing style was very clear, but it was a little episodic. There are times when the flow is abrupt, going from one fact to another. I would suggest trying to incorporate more smooth transitions between sentences, and finding a way to connect them more.
I also want to know more about Taeyhung. Who is he? Why is he with the Swan? Does he have any moral qualms about killing people? I didn’t really get a sense of Taehyung as a narrator. I felt like his voice was very impersonal, and I couldn’t quite get a grasp on who he is. Since he’s the narrator, I think it’s important to get a solid grip on his character and personality within the first few pages. Taehynung has such an enormous influence on the story, and his thoughts could really spice up the narration.
I’d also like to get more of a sense of the the Swan. Right now, I know he/she is a gang leader, and they want Jung dead, but that’s about it. What makes them special? How are they different from other gang leaders? How do they treat Taehyung? Right now, I know the Swan gets mad easily, and punishes Taeyhung harshly, but that’s characteristic of most gang leaders. The Swan could be such an enigmatic character, especially because they have such a unique name for a gang leader. Why are they called the Swan? That’s what I want to know.
Overall, this story was very well written, but it felt a little hollow. It seemed very similar to a lot of books I’ve read and movies I’ve watched. I’d like to see more unique details, things that make this story your story. I know that sounds weird. I’d just like to see more personal details about this story, and the characters. What does Taehyung do while he’s waiting for Jung? Does he chew a special flavor of gum that calms him down? What does he think of Jung? Does he judge him for not having any friends? Does he sympathize with his lonely existence? Is there anything special about Jung (besides the fact that the Swan wants to kill him)? Does he have a customized license plate on his Prius? What does he look like? Is he taller or shorter than Taehyung expected?
I did like, however, the way you made a point of describing each character’s car. Those details really stuck out to me and emphasized the contrast between Taehyung and Jung, that Jung had a Prius (an expensive car) and Taehyung had a Toyota Carolla (a less expensive car) both made by the same manufacturer, Toyota. Nice job! I look forward to reading more of your writing.

Wow! That's really good! The story line I do have a few questions about, but I am sure that all of them will be answered in the coming chapters. There is one grammar mistake, when you say, "No nothing," that's a double negative. But other than that, it looks good. There is good enough of both tension and curiosity of what kind of mission Taehyung must do. Why must he do it. What is "The Swan?" This questions keep me interested, so keep it up!

Wow! That's really good! The story line I do have a few questions about, but I am sure that all of them will be answered in the coming chapters. There is one grammar mistake, when you say, "No nothing," that's a double negative. But other than that, it looks good. There is good enough of both tension and curiosity of what kind of mission Taehyung must do. Why must he do it. What is "The Swan?" This questions keep me interested, so keep it up!