z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Secret of The Swan: Ch2

by Rin321


Quietly padding across the damp grass, Taehyung made his way to the back door of the home. He lightly wrapped his gloved hand around the knob and slowly turned. The knob turned easily in his hand as he had suspected. This was a good neighborhood, nothing happened here. The Jungs’ often left the back door unlocked, not really paying mind to it. He had entered the home earlier in the week to study the layout of the home and had taken note of the door when he did. This was easy enough, and this relieved him.

He quietly pulled the door closed behind him as he entered the home. He heard the water running in the shower. He knew Jung would be taking a shower, he took one every night upon returning home. He peered around the home to double-check for any cameras that might have been in the home for security. After lightly wiping his feet on the doormat, he made his way to Jung’s room. He took care to remain quiet as he began to unpack his bag.

He tore open the package of the tarp and laid it out on the floor of the room. As he finished, he moved the wooden desk chair to the center. As he placed it, he heard the water stop running. He quickly checked his phone, it was nine-thirty. He had an hour before needing to be clear from the home without a trace. He took out a cloth and poured a small amount of chloroform onto it and stood behind the door and waited. Less than a minute had passed when he heard the bathroom door open down the hall, and heard an unknowing Jung Hoseok approach the room.

Jung had stopped dead when he entered the doorway, dropping his clothes at his feet. He took a few steps in the room and Taehyung jumped out from behind the door and restrained him from behind, placing the cloth over his face. Jung had struggled but within moments fell weak from the chemical. Taehyung wasted no time and dragged him to the chair and bound him.

He took out his phone and set a timer for forty-five minutes so that he would not lose track of time. Placing the phone down on the dresser, he faced his target. He walked up to him and gave him a single slap across the face, and with that, Jung had gone from a slumped rag doll to a man alert with fear.

“Where is your computer, Jung?” Taehyung asked with no emotion. He had to be this way to not let his humanity cloud his training, it was the reason he never even thought of his targets by their first name, it had made it too personal.

“I’m not telling you! Who sent you?” Jung spluttered.

Taehyung responded with pulling out his pocket knife. Flipping it out, he swiftly approached the tied man. He was still damp from his shower, only in pajama pants, no shirt. Taehyung lightly traced the blade down the center of Jung’s chest, causing it the rise and fall harder as he had begun to panic. “I will be asking the questions and getting answers here, Jung. Last chance, where is the computer?”

Jung had begun to shake his head when Taehyung did his first slash across his chest. He began to bleed immediately with the wound and cried out. Taehyung grabbed him by his hair, tilting his head back to look up at him in the eye. “Now,” Taehyung demanded.

“Under the bed in the black case,” Jung had finally whimpered out. Immediately upon hearing the answer, he rushed and snatched the case from under the bed and took out the laptop from inside.

“See, we can do things the easy way, or the hard way. I’ll be honest with you, Jung, I don’t want to torture you, I really don’t,” Taehyung admitted. He was being honest with him. It was something he could do for the man before he died. He didn’t want him to think he was a complete monster. “Tell me the password now.”

“One, one, one, seven, two, four,” Jung spit out. Taehyung typed in the code and was granted access to the computer. He quickly plugged in his flash drive and opened the file that would wipe the complete harddrive. The Swan had specifically demanded that his laptop be wiped and corrupted, leaving all accounts and files within it unretrievable. What the computer had contained, Taeyhung didn’t know. He didn’t want to know if he was, to be honest. Even if he did, he wasn’t allowed to question The Swan.

The process was done within a minute. Taehyung closed the wiped computer and put it back in the case and under the bed as he had found it. Not a trace or print left behind. With this task done, he was left to question Jung a little more.

“Are there any more files from the computer stored anywhere else? Any footage or anything?” Taehyung asked. Jung shook his head quickly. He stepped up to the tied man with his blade, placing it against his throat. “Last chance,” he warned.

Jung could no longer contain his tears. “Please,” he begged, “I have nothing else! Please leave here, I have nothing you want!” Taehyung shook his head and grimaced.

“You’re not the one in charge here, Jung,” he deadpanned before he backhanded the man across his face. Jung spit blood from his mouth onto the tarp around him. Taehyung smiled, proud that he thought of these details.

“Who else knows what you do about The Swan?” Taehyung growled. Every part of Taehyung’s inner heart shouted at his cruel actions, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. He was indebted to The Swan.

Jung’s eyes opened wide upon realizing who Taehyung was here for. His surprised expression was quickly recovered with a smug smile. “You’ll never know, we’re so close to catching him, they can find more evidence and find a way to retrieve those files I assume you just deleted, but I will never tell who, I would never betray my team.”

Taehyung let out an angry growl. Why did he have to make this so hard for him? His time was running out, and he didn’t want to have to torture the man more than he had to, but he was being left with little choice. He slashed down with the knife down into Jung’s arm. Jung let out an almost silent scream. He was breathing hard through the pain before Taehyung hastily ripped the knife back out, earning a louder cry in pain. Taehyung knew removing the knife always hurt more than putting it in. The blood dripped down all over the chair and tarp.

“Don’t make me torture you, I can be swift and painless with the way I kill you! You will die, there is no chance of you living an hour from now. Make it easier for yourself, you know your teammates would sing your name if it meant less pain. It’s human nature, Jung. Just say it!” Taehyung cried, almost begging the man. He did not want to torture him. Every stab he inflicted, he could feel piercing his own heart. He watched tears stream down the man’s face as he shook his head. Taehyung couldn’t take it anymore.

He went over to his bag and took out his pistol, and placed the silencer on it. Jung had begun to cry out loud in pain and fear. “Please,” he begged, “let me live! I have my family, they will be home soon-”

“I know,” Taehyung interrupted, “That’s why you have to be dead and out of here before they come home from church. If you want them safe, you’ll tell me at least two names. Two names will save your family. If not, they all die, and you’ll be dead, unable to save them.” Taehyung was proud of his quick thinking upon seeing the man’s weakness for his family.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Jung demanded. Taehyung sighed.

“Take my word. I have to kill you, I’ve been assigned this task. I’m not a killer, The Swan is. He does not want to be found, and I have to protect him, I’m in his debt. I try to do as he says in the most human way possible with the least amount of casualties. Don’t make me kill your family.”

Jung took a deep breath, evening his breathing from the tears. He looked up at Taehyung, surrender clouding in his eyes. “Two names and they’re safe?” Taehyung nodded. “Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi,” he finally said. Taehyung grabbed his phone and typed the names down in his notes. He checked the timer, he was running out of time.

“Thank you, I really didn’t want to hurt your family.” Taehyung smiled. Jung was scared and gave a pleading look.

“Please, let me live…”

Taehyung shook his head frowning. “I’m sorry, I have no choice. I’ll make it quick and painless.”

Jung began to sob, shaking his head. “No, no, no! Please!”

Taehyung sighed as he went into the small box in his bag. In it held a single frozen water bullet. He had found in his assignments that these left no trace of a gun, making it easier to get away with less evidence when the police would finally find the bodies. He loaded it into the gun. He took the small portable umbrella from his bag and opened it. He needed to catch any spatter in it so he didn’t leave any trace in the Jung home.

“Any last words, Jung?” Taehyung asked. He placed the end of the pistol to Jung’s forehead, the umbrella behind his head.

“I hope The Swan burns in hell!” He spat. With this final phrase said, Taehyung pulled the trigger. The shot was almost soundless as the man slumped in his chair. Taehyung held his breath for a moment, the gravity of his action sinking in. No longer would this man see his family. No longer would he leave for work in his little red Prius, working to solve the crimes of the city. He was nothing now.

Taehyung collapsed the umbrella and got to work fast. He checked his phone and he luckily had twenty minutes to be out of there. He untied the man and gently lowered him onto the tarp. He pulled out the spray solution from his bag and wiped the chair clean to leave no trace of blood, and placed it back by the desk. He rolled up the man’s body in the tarp and tied it up. He hoisted the man on his shoulder and made his way out of the house and quickly as he could.

Before walking into the street, he double-checked for anyone near. The street was as dark and desolate as his soul. Without even a street lamp to spot him, he rushed the body into the back of his car. When that was done, he ran back into the house to retrieve his belongings. With one last scan of the bedroom to make sure not a trace was left, he flitted back out of the house and back into his car. He was not a moment too soon when he saw the Jungs’ family car roll down the street. As they pulled into the driveway, Taehyung drove away.

He felt a tug at his heart knowing that they would never see this man again. The lighted homes flew past him as he drove quickly to the spot where The Swan had demanded the body be disposed of. He parked along the side of the road and checked his phone. He was in the exact coordinates sent to him. He looked around and saw nothing around him. It was now that he let the tears rain down his face.


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Sun Feb 09, 2020 4:27 am
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writerkitty wrote a review...



^^ Greetings! writerkitty here with another review for you! :D


Oh no...poor Jung ;-; I saw it coming, but I didn't expect him to be killed off so quickly. ;-; RIP Jung...

I do feel sorry for Taehyung as well though, the poor guy seems more like a puppet whose strings are being completely controlled by Swan.

“Take my word. I have to kill you, I’ve been assigned this task. I’m not a killer, The Swan is. He does not want to be found, and I have to protect him, I’m in his debt. I try to do as he says in the most human way possible with the least amount of casualties. Don’t make me kill your family.”


;-; This part really brings out how helpless Taehyung is in this situation and it's quite sad. :( I'm guessing the Swan is a pretty strong organization, so he can't go against it. I'm also curious to know why he owes them? Hmm...

“Who else knows what you do about The Swan?” Taehyung growled. Every part of Taehyung’s inner heart shouted at his cruel actions, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. He was indebted to The Swan.


O.o What did Jung know about The Swan, I'm guessing he was trying to expose them, because he did state that his team was so close to catching 'him'. I'm guessing by him they mean the leader of the organization... Another question, who is the leader :O

I got a few of my questions answered, but now I have a lot more! xD I'll definitely continue reading this awesome story. ^^

The description here is quite good, but as the other reviewers have stated, it's lacking a bit of the use of senses and there's a bit of telling more than showing. I'm not gonna repeat what the others have said, and since you've stated that you wrote this quickly hoping to edit it later on, I'm sure you'll get this small issue fixed easily later on. :D

We didn't get to learn a lot about Taehyung yet. But in this chapter, you really emphasized how he's repenting on his actions and tries his best to avoid killing people, at least the people related to the victim. He really doesn't seem to like his job, (I mean, killing people is no fun...but the people who usually work under such organizations quite enjoy killing and acting all brutal and stuff) His job seems to be forced down on him. >.< And it's sad how when he's hurting someone physically, he's hurting himself mentally. ;-; At the end of the chapter, he appeared to be a broken, helpless man.

I really hope Taehyung manages to find a way to escape The Swan or work against it. Because it seems like in each kill he makes, he's dying a little inside. Poor guy... :(

I'm really eager to know the Taehyung's backstory and how he ended up working for The Swan. And whether he has any family or friends or anyone he cares about.

Onto the nitpicks and suggestions! ^^

He had entered the home earlier in the week to study the layout of the home and had taken note of the door when he did.


The word home seems to be written twice in the same sentence and I think the second one would be changed to a noun like 'it' (just a suggestion!^^)

He went over to his bag and took out his pistol, and placed the silencer on it.


I think the comma after pistol is unnecessary.


That's all for now, this was a really interesting chapter, and I can't wait to read the rest! ^^


Keep up the good work!

writerkitty




Rin321 says...


Great points! Thank you for reading and feeling so emotional with my characters! It is the best feeling to see people read and really get into my story, it means so much! <33 thank you for the reviews!



writerkitty says...


^_^ Aww, you're welcome! :D :D :D I'm so glad you find my reviews helpful! ^^

:D I'll review the other chapters soon!! ^^ Keep up the awesome work!



Rin321 says...


:D



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Sat Feb 08, 2020 7:58 am
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Samhain wrote a review...



I decided to review your 2nd chapter.

Again, from a technical standpoint, your writing is good.

Remember to trust your reader. A lot of the times writers (myself included) will overexplain things because we think unconsciously that readers don't know how to interpret or infer things. As you will discover, readers can put 2 and 2 together, and you don't need to spell it out for them. Spelling it out for them is unnecessary and takes away from the story. Again, your story is great. If you tell less, and show more, this story will reach a new level of thriller. Using all the 5 senses, allowing dialogue and thoughts and emotions to drive the story instead of narration, will make this story easier and more fun to read, and will be more enjoyable.

Again, hope this is helpful and inspiring. Happy writing, and stay excited!




Rin321 says...


Thank you for reading! I will improve and use the senses more, that's a very good point!



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Fri Feb 07, 2020 6:42 pm



I have a few questions. Is this taking place in Our world, or a fictional world? These names sound Chinese, though they're good names, My first impressions are that this is taking place in China. But amazing writing. I can't wait to see Taehyung's actuall personality without The Swan. I see that He doesn't like his job, but for some reason he must keep his job. Why, though?
Keep up the good writing! I will read the next chapters soon!




Rin321 says...


This is taking place in Korea, and they're korean names (this is technically a fanfic bc I'm using the members as BTS as the main characters, and they're korean lol)
Thank you for your interest!



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Fri Feb 07, 2020 2:08 am
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Honora wrote a review...



Hey Rin! I’m back for another review! :D I’m just going to jump into it!

This was easy enough, and this relieved him.
Not really a mistake but a suggestion that maybe you switch the first “this” to “it”. This way, you won’t be repeating the same word in close proximity. ;)

“One, one, one, seven, two, four,” Jung spit out.
Here is should be “spat” instead of “spit”. You just jumped from past tense to present. I do that a lot tho so don’t worry!

You do very well in making me feel and see what is around him but if you want to give it even more depth, write with the five senses. Show me what he sees, what he feels as he touches things, what he hears, what he smells, and what he tastes. Example...was there a coppery smell as the stench of blood reached him? Did bile rise in his throat as he tortured this man?
See how it kind of adds to it? :D

And that’s all the little things I found :) Now, onto the stuff that matters.

I really enjoyed this and I’m very very glad I decided to click into that first chapter. I’ve been needing a good read but haven’t been able to get into any books. I love the emotional turmoil he seems to be going through already and I’m really curious about how and why he owes The Swan. I’m curious to know more about Taeyhung. How old is he? What is his goal in life?

Anyways, good writing!

Your friend,
Honora




Rin321 says...


Great things that you pointed out! Tenses still get me from time to time, i notice when i write in the present i jump back, so for this book I decided to write in third bc i have less slip ups that way, but exactly, thank you for pointing that out!
The details for sure I need to add! I'm writing this all quickly as I'm inspired and i do plan to go back and edit and add way more detail, but setting a base skeleton is working so far in order for me to make it really amazing in the future!

Keep reading and your questions will be answered ;) I'm truly touched that you're enjoying it, that drives me that more more to continue to write, thank you so much for your kind words <33



Honora says...


It is really well written! I will be reviewing the others, I promise :D



Rin321 says...


Looking forward to it ^^




He who knows only his own generation remains forever a child.
— Cicero