16+ Language Violence

The Secret of The Swan Ch25

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Minjun’s heart pounded as he glanced at the clock. He knew the Yoongi would be in the building now and they were minutes from what could be one of the biggest take-downs in Korea’s history. His life undercover for more than half his life could be worth it if this went well. He looked in the mirror and straightened his tie. Fine wrinkles spread out rooted from his eyes and he looked exhausted. He could barely sleep the night before.

Strapping his gun to his belt and putting on his suit jacket, he braced himself and opened the door. It was time.

~~~

Yoongi kept his head down with a cleaning bucket in his right hand headed towards the room where The Swan would be meeting Minjun. He was lucky to catch a maintenance worker coming up the road and flash his badge and offer immunity to have him leave with little protest. The guards barely batted an eye as he made his way through but Yoongi knew better than to celebrate. That was only the first step.

The room was now in front of him when he gently knocked on the door. His gun was strapped to his ankle under the loose black slacks he wore and he figured he would do his best. The door opened and he was met with the face of an expressionless guard.

“I’m here to clean up,” he said quietly with his head low in a bow. The guard gave him a nod and stepped out of the way to let him in. Yoongi bowed again quickly and headed into the room.

He saw Minjun sitting there but quickly averted his eyes to avoid staring. He began to wipe down the mantle of the fireplace when the guards shifted and moved away from the door.

A man strolled in tall and confident in posture. They all stopped and bowed to greet him. Yoongi saw his face had a mask. Minjun told him that he always wore a mack but something about it was still unsetting. He wouldn’t be able to unmask him until he was in cuffs or dead on the floor. Yoongi fought back the scowl trying to creep on his face, his preferred unmasking him in the second scenario.

Yoongi turned back to his cleaning but kept his ear open.

“Sir, Taehyung is still in his room, I directed him to get dressed so he should be ready soon,” Minjun reported. Yoongi felt something off about the name mentioned. He had to be talking about The Swan’s ‘adopted’ hitman, but the name seemed familiar about it that he couldn't quite place.

The Swan nodded in response and took a sip of the tea that was prepared in front of him. The room was suffocatingly silent.

Yoongi glanced around and saw the guards standing like statues around the room, five in total. The Swan suddenly stood up.

“I’ll be right back,” he said before walking quickly out of the room. Yoongi tensed and saw Minjun do the same. He left so suddenly but he said he would be back, so they had to wait until then. They had to be careful, the whole house was bugged and watched by security cameras. As much as they wished to talk to the guards about the situation to have their aid, they couldn’t risk being overheard or a guard that was too loyal for his own good. Most of them were more scared into obedience than loyalty, but fear is a strong, all-consuming beast on its own.

The Swan came back in a few minutes later, taking any warmth that might have accumulated in the room with his absence.

“What would you like me to do?” Minjun asked. Yoongi bent down pretending to shine the grate in front of the fireplace to get his gun in hand, that was Minjun’s signal.

The room was quiet when Yoongi stood up suddenly, gun pointed directly at The Swan. The Swan stood up suddenly and the guards pointed their guns at Yoongi. Minjun drew out his gun and pointed it at The Swan.

“Keep your hands where I can see them. You are under arrest for human trafficking, murder….” Yoongi started before he trailed off, “And a bunch of other shit that I’m too lazy to state right now. Get down on your knees!”

The guards seemed conflicted about what to do. Minjun eyed them all and they started to slowly lower their guns. The Swan seemed to be complying when suddenly he lunged forward at Minjun, knocking his gun onto the floor and kicking it across the room. The guards quickly raised their guns at Yoongi.

Pulling a gun from his waist belt, The Swan held the gun to Minjun’s head. Yoongi’s eyes widened but he quickly glazed an uncaring demeanor on his face. He wouldn’t show that bastard fear.

“Release the man and lower your weapon, now!” Yoongi screamed. The Swan’s only response was dragging Minjun back towards the door. Yoongi didn’t know what to do. He wanted to shoot The Swan but didn’t want Minjun to get caught in the cross-fire. He steadied his breathing and aimed. Before he could think, he fired.

The Swan was knocked back by the bullet in his shoulder and let out a howl of pain. Minjun stumbled forward, blood spattered onto this suit. The guards prepared to shoot when Yoongi fired two more rounds into the Devil’s chest. He crumpled to the ground and the guards froze in fear. They weren’t sure how to act.

Yoongi ran over to the man bleeding on the floor. Kneeling over him with a sneer on his face, he ripped the mask off The Swan’s face. His heart dropped as tears rushed to his eyes.

Kim Seokjin laid bleeding profusely under him, his eyes wide with fright and face going pale from the blood loss.

“Jin! I can’t believe it’s you, how could you! You can’t be-” Yoongi wailed in disbelief.

This was the man in whom he trusted his life as his partner for years. He felt like a part of their family. This man, this lovable, smiling, bad joke making man could not be the king of one of the darkest human trafficking rings in the world.

“Talk to me!” Yoongi screamed in Seokjin’s face, voice shaky and in pain.

Seokjin coughed, blood flecking onto his lips. “Watch... Out…” he rasped. Yoongi shook his head.

“What are you talking about!?”

Seokjin seized under him and Yoongi wailed. “Stay with me! Talk to me Jin!” he begged. He refused to believe this.

Blood pooled under them as Minjun stood watching the situation, tears slipping down his own face.

Looking up at Yoongi one last time, a single tear running down, death clouded Seokjin’s eyes and he exhaled his last breath. Yoongi’s cries of anguish pierced the hearts of everyone in the room. No matter how much he begged and shook the body beneath him, Seokjin was gone.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
JabberHut
Review

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude WHAT a turn omg! SO MUCH HAPPENED HERE! And because I hadn't read most of the existing novel, but it feels like there's a lot more coming.

I lovelovelove that this not only didn't go according to plan, but you hit your character Yoongi SO hard. What a brutal but effective way to temporarily cripple your seemingly-powerful savior. This could also potentially give him even MORE motivation to move forward, depending on his personality. I think talking about the mask earlier in the chapter was an easy and effective foreshadowing technique for this reveal because I totally wondered myself whose face would be behind that mask (and I'm a new reader!). So this was just done so freaking well.

I hope we find out why the Swan had to leave and come back into the office. Nothing seemed to really happen. It seemed almost useless, but that doesn't mean it was. I think it would have been nice to tease some of their conversation before the gun show so the reader can get a little insight into what the Swan is doing here. Additionally, we'd get to see Minjun work his side of the plan too. As it is now, Minjun did nothing but bait the Swan into a room Yoongi could access, but I know Minjun is so much tougher than that.

So. The bit where the Swan walks into the room and they all draw their weapons at each other -- gosh I LOVE this kind of scene. This will never fail to be a nail-biting moment 'cause it's so full of what-if scenarios. What if this guy shot him? What if that guy shot first instead? I would REALLY like to see this scene written in a more suspenseful tone. Right now, it plays out very slowly and just kind of summarizes what could potentially be a seriously exciting, edge-of-my-seat scene. Drawing their weapons should be read as fast-paced as the scene actually is, then draw out the suspense a bit either with dialogue or subtle actions or nail-biting narration. Really draw the reader into Yoongi's thoughts and emotions, make me feel the fear and intensity this scene clearly possesses. And then also make me feel Yoongi's courage as he aims and prays that he hits the Swan. You can seemingly slow down time here to really draw out the suspense as Yoongi is aiming his gun, debating on pulling the trigger, then SPEED IT UP BOOM BOOM BOOM three shots toward the Swan, then he quickly reacts to the oncoming guards. I'm sure everyone'll be shooting their guns, so Yoongi will have to dodge behind the Swan's desk for cover or something, expensive vases shatter nearby, books shot off the bookshelf in a flurry of paper shreds, and meanwhile Minjun is alive and punches out the nearest guard, steals his gun, and shoots another -- I mean, this scene can get SO exciting!!

Random thought, Yoongi was at the fireplace for presumably a long time. I feel like that was a dead giveaway for the Swan that Yoongi was suspicious. XD The Swan would probably shoo out the cleaning staff before getting into a serious discussion with Minjun anyway since I'm guessing he doesn't prioritize cleaning in an OCD manner (though that would be a pretty neat personality quirk that they could take advantage of here ahahaha).

Gosh this reveal. I am totally into this huge reveal. I trust that there was a lot of foreshadowing leading up to this since I personally don't know Seokjin. Which means by now, the reader learned to either love Seokjin and is equally heartbroken as Yoongi, or the reader has suspected him all along and is so happy that Yoongi got rid of him. Something tells me, though, that the reader is led to love and trust Seokjin, and this is a heart-wrenching scene for reader and Yoongi. Definitelly draw the emotion out of this scene, really envelop me in Yoongi's emotions and what's going through his head. Once again, time is going to seemingly stop for Yoongi here because someone close to him died at his own hand. He doesn't know whether to feel betrayed or depressed yet, he's just shocked and destroyed by the idea of shooting someone he loved. That could mentally cripple even the strongest of men, so really show us that emotion.

And then we even get this warning from Seokjin for Yoongi to "watch out" and I just. like. LIKE WHAT COULD SEOKJIN MEEEEAN!? Is Seokjin NOT the Swan?! Was he a decoy all along? OR is there a bigger baddie behind the Swan?! And will Yoongi keep his grief at bay long enough to think through Seokjin's words? Can Minjun help Yoongi through it all!? I JUST. I will be reading the next chapter 'cause I just KNOW there's more going on here.

Thank you for such an exciting read!! I got really caught up in this review. XD Looking forward to the next chapter!

Jabber, the One and Only!

I love your energy in this review, thank you so much! especially bc you aren't familiar with the rest, ik it's hard to just jump in and review, thank you! When I do the whole re-write of this whole thing I will def put more detail and make the scene waaaay better!

User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

Hey there!

I'm here to do a quick review on this chapter for you. I'll admit to not having read any of this before which will make it difficult as you're so far through, but I'll try to focus on this chapter alone and not on things like story pace as that's hard to comment on for just one chapter!

That being said... on to the review!

His life undercover for more than half his life could be worth it if this went well.
This isn't clear. Maybe change to 'being undercover for more than half his life could be worth it' etc.

Yoongi kept his head down with a cleaning bucket in his right hand and headed towards the room where The Swan would be meeting Minjun

You may need to add 'and' where I've indicated above... or split into two sentences :)

The room was now in front of him when he gently knocked on the door.

This seems an odd sentence. Of course it had to be in front of him for him to be able to knock on the door? Perhaps: 'when the room was in front of him, he knocked gently on the door'.

His gun was strapped to his ankle under the loose black slacks he wore and he figured he would do his best

Not sure this makes sense, do his best for what? It seems an odd thing to throw in here.

A man strolled in tall and confident in posture.

You need a comma in here.

This was the man in whom he trusted his life as his partner for years. He felt like a part of their family.

Having not read the rest of this, I can only assume that you've done a nice job of foreshadowing this big reveal ;) but I'm not sure you need to be so obvious about it here as the readers should have worked it out. This might be a personal choice, but I feel like you could emphasise it differently.


Hope that some of these comments were helpful! How much more have you got left to write?
Congrats on getting this far :)

Icy

Thank you so much!



For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn