Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
(Told from the perspective of a man)
**WARNING: 18+. Mentions of drugs, physical and s****l ab*se, allusions to s***ide
I like to think I am a strong man
I bury my emotions in a poker face
Because if I don’t, I will be mocked
Because men should have no emotion
We don’t talk about that kind of stuff
We keep it all behind closed doors
Unless someone lives with us, of course
Because we have to please him/her too
Yell too loud, and we are intimidating
Like mad dogs, our presence is a risk
And if the levee breaks, if we were to snap
We will become Hyde, ever the villain
I believe I am a strong man
I can roll with the standards set for us
For us, it’s easy to be beautiful—
Well, at least some make it look easy
I am no gymnast, no Rock or Bautista
I’m not short, but always too short for others
My skin—speckled by acne, an eyesore
My hair—never curly, dark, or tame enough
Without muscles, you’re always too skinny
With flab or thinning hair, consider yourself single
Do nothing, you’re ugly; do something, you’re femmy
Women have it bad, but it's not rare that we do too...
I have to question if I am a strong man
Because I don’t have the beauty
And those invasive numbers, beyond the physical
Insisting “six figures is the least women will accept”
I can barely afford the name-brand cheese
How am I supposed to afford these "postable" moments—
A steakhouse or resort dinner for the first date?
A home that I own, no apartment allowed?
A car I couldn’t afford to even glance at?
If I request we split bills, I’m too broke
Yet if I cover it all, I’m too traditional
Which is it—who is lying to me here?
I may not be a strong man
I try my best to keep a poker face
But it’s lonely in this sea we call society
There’s so much deceit, so much betrayal
It’s so confusing to figure out what advice is best
They hate you for being strong, then mock you for being weak
In friends and lovers, everything boils down to benefits
My hopes, my morals, my dreams for the future—
I know there are others who share them
So why don’t the pieces fit together?
I can’t help but think, in the dead of night
I’m just not enough—never enough
I cannot be a strong man
I am a shadow of projected masculinity
I let my trauma my memories haunt me
Stories echoed in vain, doomed to die in darkness
The drunken old bastard, the neglectful wretch
The absent patriarch, the manipulative matriarch
The pervert who would touch and violate, and laugh
The toxic friend that pushed for a darker path
The ex who would claw, hit, and scream obscenities
The grifter that launched false accusations
If I try to reach out, the crowd will always laugh
My victimhood seems to make a hilarious joke
I am not a strong man
I am ugly, shameful, unstable
I cannot afford to help myself anymore,
And I don’t know how to heal my wounds
I cannot reach out, I know nobody cares
The stigma, the shame, I cannot bear
I’ve tried so hard to fill the gaps in me
But where virtue failed, I turned to vice
A bottle, a pill, a needle, a pipe
Internet lies to make me feel strong
None of it is enough—it’s never enough
I’m starting to think there is only one solution
Go ahead and guess
What that last bit is supposed to mean
It wouldn’t be surprising to anyone
He would just be another number
In an ever-expanding statistic
And some may be wondering
“Isn’t this narrator a woman?
What would she know about male struggles?”
That’s just it—most of us don’t acknowledge
Too many just ignore, sneer, even mock it
But these stories are more realistic than you think
It’s high time to stop shaming, and start healing
Because true gender equality isn't just men standing for women
It means we all stand for each other, when we may need it
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138,979 Literary Works • 672,395 Reviews
This poem was made upon the realization that June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Something I never heard of until this year, but I take this issue seriously due to personal experiences. And when researching, I was hit with a slew of sobering statistics.
As mentioned, men still face widespread stigma and shame when talking about victimhood and mental health struggles. Up to 70% of men in America will avoid seeking help for these topics due to societal shame and the fear of appearing weak. Problems including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and more go undiagnosed and severely underreported.
Most staggeringly, men take up the majority of the American s***ide rate at almost 80%, a trend that echoes most strongly in Canada and across Europe, with rates at roughly 75% and 76.7%.
(source 1, source 2, source 3)
Despite this, there is still a very heavy stigma that keeps victims from reaching out, until it's too late.
(More statistics here:)
Spoiler
(source)
Studies keep emerging (example through this link here), implying that domestic and sexual harassment/violence is severely underreported due to stigma and mishandling by law enforcement. There are discrepancies in rates that make these perceptions worse (e.g, not accounting for self-defense, prison violence, or followup trials in national statistics). Furthermore, nearly all forms of support including shelters, counseling, and hotlines are designed for female victims—and while they should naturally be supported and expanded, the near-complete lack of male-catered spaces makes male victims feel isolated and trapped in their situations.
(source 2)
Though false accusations are overarchingly rare, more recent surveys document that roughly 11% of men have reported false accusations of child abuse, domestic violence, s****l harassment/abuse, and more, compared to just 6% of women. Numbers that seem small, but have bloated due to social media. Some examples of this phenomenon are TikTokers Toby Addison and Inquisitor Ghost (RIP), as well as the three Duke University lacrosse students.
(source 1, source 2, source 3, source 4)
21% of men, when asked, are likely to resort to binge-drinking as a coping mechanism, 22% report illicit drug use or substance abuse in the last year, and the rate of dying from overdose more than doubles the rate of women at 54 per 100,000. This was worst seen in fentanyl deaths.
(source 1, source 2, source 3, source 4)
Approximately 68.4% of the homeless population is male, and of that subgroup, 20% are veterans. Homeless men struggle to get aid compared to female counterparts.
(source 1, source 2, source 3)
There is a known and heavy bias against men in family court, especially when it comes to child custody. When mothers pursue full custody, while men push for joint arrangements, mothers still win 67% of the cases, and when men pursue child support when the roles are reversed, they win less than 20% of the time. But the most disgusting disparity exists in the sphere of predators. When female predators (usually a teacher or babysitter) take advantage of male victims, there is little if any support, and the victims can be forced to pay child support, even though they're minors. Female predators are far less likely to be arrested and get off with lighter sentences.
(source 1), source 2)
This poem/message was NOT to say these problems do not affect women, nor that there should be any less attention/support given to women's issues. This poem was not intended to be toxic in any way. This poem was to spread awareness, address the issues that men don’t often get to speak about, and provide a chance for any who may need to vent. Because the truth is that some level of stigma (for either sex) exists in all corners of society to some degree. There are toxic men, toxic women, on and offline, old or young, rich or poor, gay or straight, conservative or liberal—it doesn’t matter, it exists everywhere. And the more we can acknowledge that, and work together to reverse this stigma, the more lives we may just be able to save.
Remember, you can never be too sure what someone is going through. If you do feel that someone is going through a difficult time, let them know you are there for them. And if you are one of the people who has felt this way, know just as well that you are not alone. Please do not suffer in silence. Reach out:
https://988lifeline.org/
This poem is very powerful, and it exposes the realities of being a man in this day and age. I really like the way you said "this sea we call society". The sea can be beautiful but deadly and very very cruel especially if you don't know how to swim well. Your poem really sheds a light on the stigma surrounding men and raises the questions "When is it enough?" or more importantly "When am I enough?" Thank you.
Thank you very much for taking the time to give this a read and review. Your feedback is highly appreciated!
<3
Thank you for writing this and bringing attention to the struggles of men as well <3
Thank you as well, for taking the time to read and comment! <3
Hello, and happy whichever day you read this on!
First off, thanks for sharing this piece. (I think it could very reasonably classify as poetry.) Writing is one of the best ways we have to speak up about important issues like these. All the better and more effective when the message is nicely formatted and easy to read like this one.
As far as suggestions for improvement, I don't have much, except to say I'd highly recommend making sure each complete sentence ends with a period. It helps to keep distinct thoughts separate from one another, and it helps avoid ambiguity in the meaning of what's being said.
I noticed the way this poem starts out with the narrator saying, "I like to think I am a strong man," then progresses to more and more uncertainty. Using some variation of this sentence at the beginning of new stanzas makes it easy for the reader to track the narrator's descent into doubting himself. Good use of this technique.
I hope works like these will be seen by many people who need their awareness raised. Unfortunately, these social "ideals" that society pushes onto people are very blaring and have a way of gnawing into our minds. However, it does not represent the values held by all of society. I hope that if you or anyone who reads this is going through these struggles, you will be able to come to a place of confidence soon. There are people who feel the same way, even if you don't know them personally, or maybe you do know them personally but they are hiding their struggles as well. In any case, it might be better for us if we decide to make an effort to keep society from dictating what we think is "normal" or "ideal." Easier said than done, I know. But anyhow, keep up the good work with your writing. Each time someone writes and shares reflections like these, that's one more voice speaking up for these difficult matters.
Thanks again for sharing!
Hello!
Thank you very much for reading this, and for your recommendation. I am admittedly never sure what to do with punctuation in poetry, haha. I'm also glad the message resonated with you, as it was something I feared might ruffle some feathers (which is kinda sad tbh), but like you said%u2014this message could use more spreading.
Thank you for taking the time to read and review!