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Amazing piece of writing! I must say the whole vibe of the story was something else, not in a bad way, but something that makes you sink into the story.

The emotions hit hard, and you’ve got this nice, smooth flow that keeps me reading without even realizing I’ve reached the end. I think the way you set the tone in the beginning really pulls the reader in, and it stays consistent all the way through, which is a big W.

If I had to suggest anything, maybe add a bit more description in certain parts so the reader can fully see and feel what’s happening. Like, you’ve already got the mood locked in, but a little extra sensory detail could make the imagery pop even more.

Overall, really great work. Keep up!

Hey Ravena! I was reading some of the other enteries for the Fight Robot contest and came across this. The title was catchy and I like how it's used in a dialogue at the end by Logan to describe AI. I was not expecting a title could be pulled out from that, such an innovative idea! Without further ado, let's jump into the review now.

I'll begin with the best bit - the amazing plot and setting you chose for your story. I think it to be a strength you utilise to the optimum. The description in the first two paragraphs is so amazing, it really kicked things off to a great start. Even the part where you go to describe the insides of the NDOP building where the protagonist and his colleagues work, very well written. Your ability to paint such elaborate scenes in the mind of the reader is really remarkable.

Next, my personal favourite thing- the diverse characters. You keep them simple and predictable, drawing more attention to the plot. Yet it never felt like they were boring me. I like you choosing to stick to the stereotypes, they're evergreen and all the more enjoyable. The lady boss, Skye Maddox, with the tight bun and hawk gaze who you just know you're going to hate by the end of the tale, one way or the other. The incompetent favourite and the protagonist group outcast, Reuben and the girl in floral writing mythical fantasy, Ida are the classic characters which invoke a sense of familiarity with the setting in the reader. Logan's messy hair contrasting with his clean cut sides and Maysie's strawberry blonde tresses complimenting her sea green eyes are main character cliches you see coming from a mile away, yet are most welcome. Xeno, his flawless hair and style seems typical for a drama writer. We see how Maysie is the only one to have two primary genres- horror and mystery (checks out with her character, in my opinion, just can't point out how; she just seems the kind to expand her ideas, you know) just when Logan tells her of him experimenting with a grim fantasy story. I realised just now I don't even know what theme Logan used to write in before that! My only complaint would have to be Forrest. We see him as an editor who could very well be mistaken for another writer, so he clearly doesn't reflect authority. For a manager, I found him too chatty and timid. Much like he doesn't even have a personality of his own? The ending is a thing of it's own which I'll discuss afterwards but it was a huge blow to his character, I could just feel him completely shatter under its weight. It's fine if those were the qualities you were going for, but I think Forrest had much more potential, being second in command. A missed opportunity for a greater purpose, but of course just my sole opinion. I felt he was the one you could add layers to, in order to make things more interesting. He could've been a great pawn to drag the story forward and direct the protagonist's journey towards the truth but instead, he just spills all the beans as soon as he gets the tiniest threat.

Next, the conspiracy theory and the opinions surrounding it. I think siding the characters with either side was perfectly done. I like how you used gender norms to your advantage- the women being hopeful while the men are more skeptical. It added an unsaid clarity to the scene, laying definite borders. Though I must admit, I found the topic a bit unrealistic. You're telling me that a very talented writer and his likewise gifted friends keep working at a company despite their obviously great work never being published for over two years while seeing clearly worse stories get published in front of their eyes? It's a little hard to believe they haven't talked to the management about it or considered seriously resigning. At the same time, I do understand their positions with why they feel this to be the best option for them when you take into consideration the multiple publishing houses going out of business. This job gives them security, even if they're not exactly satisfied with it. The idea of a lottery machine to select stories to publish defeats the resolution any talk with management could bring, saying it's all quite literally luck. But I found the idea of a lottery machine a bit hollow in the first place, like it could perhaps be better executed? Maybe I'm the one overthinking this but it just was a wierd idea to begin with. A context or background behind installing it could've helped its standing in the story perhaps. Something like- as all the writers are running out of work, human story submissions far exceed the demand and thus the resources to publish, so such cut throat competition required a hand of fate or something like that. But even then, as Logan states, choosing stories off of merit or vote sounds much more logical and even reasonable financially.

The story has an ambiguous tone, there's something fishy in the air and the reader can smell it. The story never fails miserably, but sadly misses the impact and aim it was going for. There's a suspicious mystery that is not much expanded on. The sudden stumbling upon of Logan to the AI content and Forrest just blabbing out all the truth at the meeting- I think these both crucial moments landed a bit too early. Kind of like a pressure cooker, you've got to let the steam build, for what's inside, to really cook. These had to be dressed out as big revels while they actually came out as too soft a blow to affect the way they should've. I still feel all the explanation provided for the irregularities was well planned, just not delivered well. The part about better content feeding the AI, while the no good one gets published to make at least some money, rather than throwing them out completely- these are too notch ideas. An added bonus, that the good writers are prevented from publishing somewhere else, removing potential competition.

Time for my suggestions on how the story could've been more pulling. A reminder that I'm not even that acquainted with story writing so this is my clearly unprofessional opinion, not to be taken too seriously. I think the irregularities that seem absurd are our best bet, rotating the tip of the sword. Turning potholes into stepping stones for the final reveal. If I were you, I'd play the political angle. We see Maysie and Logan discuss the campaign lines, suggesting government plays an active role in funding NDOP. I think giving the government a face would help, perhaps a charismatic man who promises much but is not too keen on effective execution of plans, as we hear of the NDOP crisis. Maybe Forrest is secretly working for him in the AI conspiracy while Maddison herself is unaware of what's going on behind her back. Yes, she doesn't care what is getting published as long as she gets her paycheck but she's not the mastermind schemer the reader, at first glance, may think her to be. Reuben is another loose end that we may use to add suspense. Perhaps he discovered the secret somewhere down the line and demands publishing of his work as a price for keeping his mouth shut? It might be better to omit the Forrest's reveal scene for now. Instead, it can be shown that the protagonist and his colleagues resolve to find out the truth and can't trust anyone other than themselves in this quest. Perhaps Reuben decides to play double agent and reveals bits to them anonymously in return for some hard cash he might later use to self publish. Afterall, his arrangement with Forrest and the government is not one that can be thought to forever hold, if they get caught later by the media or the opposition. So he might as well find an alternative to look after himself either way. I've given you a route to think how it could have gone differently. Maybe they later overheard some muffled conversation while sneaking in the government offices how Maddison is gullible to everything happening under her nose. Having found a proof of her innocence, they enlist her but she brings Forrest with her. He tips the government but as soon as Logan and the other realise that government has caught onto them, it's clear who the offender is. But to get to the leader, they must find Forrest first, which certainly won't be easy.

Summarising, this was a story laid with a perfect background. A mysterious futuristic timeline was perfect for it. The setting and character style descriptions were very mesmerising.The characters themselves are rather simple and don't hoard all the limelight but give way for the plot to shine. But here's the thing- the story didn't quite meet the expectations, as promised. The storyline seems entirely plausible, but lacks the thrill, rush and drama it would've flourished in. It's like all the pieces of the puzzle are in the right place but it still feels incomplete. It certainly could've used a bit more mystery and suspense. The what stuff is impeccable but the how of delivery was a little blurry, that's all! Still, I found it quite an enjoyable read. The happy ending is so grand, Logan and his colleagues resigning without thinking of the consequences. They're free in all aspects, to fail or flourish. The uncertainty is refreshing over the recurring disappointment of not getting published despite talent. It screams that the protagonist and his friends are ready to play by their own rules, nothing more amusing than taking a leap of faith for something you believe in.