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oh wow! these are pretty. I'm only going to pick one or two to pick apart though. is that okay?
Okay, so the butterfly one. its pretty, but to be honest, I think its kind of shallow. there's nothing wrong with it that I particularly disagree with, persay, but more like something to analyze. a butterfly minds its own business flittering from flower to flower with its pretty big wings, right? it brings "light" to the world?
well, consider the monarch. its an iconic butterfly loved by all.
except those poisoned by it.
those that do eat the monarch just wanted something to eat so they can see another day. so is the monarch all that beautiful, or is it unfair that it gets life easy while predators go hungry? and what about the viceroy, the one leeching off of appearance? nothing more than an ugly doppelganger seeking protection so it doesn't have to worry like everyone else?
again, this is no hate to your haiku! its pretty! I'm just "overthinking" it way too much!
I feel like I'm an hyena. whether I hate you or like you, I'm the type to laugh at you all and fall down. if you are a friend I will help you back up after I'm done laughing, but if you are my best friend, I will fall down with you and shout "doggiepile!" then take a nap. and if your my enemy I'll just take a picture and walk away. so yeah. guess I'm a hyena :>
have a good day!
Awesome, thanks a bunch for the feedback! I see what you're saying about the butterfly one and I like the idea ~ I'm glad you enjoyed, thanks for reading and reviewing!
yeah! I love poems and haikus like this!
Hey Raven! Ellie here, with a quick review for this lovely poetry collection of yours. I sure love haikus, so I was delighted when I saw this collection that you made! Let's not waste any more time, and let's jump right into the review:
I love the sound of this. The second line really stood out to me. The alliteration that you use with the words mask of malice was so pretty! One thing that I love about haikus is that they are normally very simple, but what you do, is you left these poems, sort of ambiguous in a way that allows me to think deeper about the meaning. I do not know your story well enough to identify who these characters are, but I did love how you go through all of these different animals and assign them different personalities, and strengths.
I think this was my favorite part:
I love this statement that friends bleed sometimes too. A lot of times and stories there's just the good people in the bad people, and the bad people are the ones who end up dying or getting hurt. But I love the statement you make that contradicts that. Overall, these poems were lovely to read, they were very simple and easy to enjoy. As always, your writing is amazing. I hope to see more of these haikus soon! Have a fantastic day.
Your friend,
Ellie
Ooo, I'm pleasantly surprised you stumbled across this one! Thanks so much for the review, much appreciated!
Hello there, Raven! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the possessed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a haiku on characters from your story “The Forsaken Race”, about what they’re all like.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - This is fine, I didn’t see anything to edit.
Chocolate Bar - I may not know who the characters are, but I like how you used animals to relate to their personalities. It adds extra details into how they’re like and gives an idea as to who they are.
Closing Graham Cracker - A haiku that would work well as an introduction to your story, I enjoyed reading this, with how the characters seem to come to life through words.
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^
Hi, Vampricone! Glad you enjoyed, and thank you very much for reviewing this piece!
This poem is awesome. You have great poetry skills.
I don't know anything about 'The Forsaken Race' but the way you described the happy and the dark side of an animal's life is incredible.
Poetry is always a way to show your inner feelings in words.
Nice work, keep it up.
Waiting for Collection II.
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed! ^^
I feel like this is relating to Leightning.
His ferociousness is clear to many as he embodied a true demon that even Timbur feared, when it was neccesary.
He is kind to his family, bickering, and making games, but showing compassion.
He shows kindness to Kita, by allowing her to prosper and learn, even if she's a sylph.
He is quite compassionate, but menacing too.
Close enough! Each haiku covers all seven of the Zyreans!
The order is: Thundur, Leiytning, Seyber, Timbur, Zin, Scorch, Jem
Spoiler
Thanks for reviewing this! I never feel confident posting poetry so this boosts my spirits lol.
Cool. I see the vision now