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Gosh, this poem is just amazing!! So good written when it comes to its commentary. It's uncomfortable as it should be, but the writing doesn't lean towards being more descriptive for the sake of the shock factor but instead its meaningful. Honestly there's so much heavy, in-depth commentary to pick up from about every line- all what it says just oozes out in such a complex way.

In the old music box that sits on my dresser. / Let me admire you, as I admire myself.

Other than the speaker's general association of an object to this daughter to commentate on the exploitation of children, this "old music box" can be interpreted as this mother's older dreams she held when younger, and still possesses today. The ballerina that is graceful and beautiful and grand, who first represented the mother's older dreams, is now her daughter, as this mother positions her to be for the sake of embodying these older dreams she couldn't (and can't) fulfill. This is really reminiscent of many mothers who position their children for fame, which usually stems from these mothers wanting to project onto and see themselves through their children!!

But you’re not *just* a child anymore, you’re a star! / Do as we say, speak our words, be our jester,

Honestly, never felt a perfect description of how adults view children in the industry until I saw this. The emphasis of "just" is so great and meaningful. For children in the industry to be still partially be acknowledged as children despite the adultification, because their status as a child makes it more easy to exploit and take advantage of them... that's all so greatly expressed by these lines.

Alongside that, these children become not just an extension of their intermediate family, but also the industry—with the false illusion that children can have the independence to consent to this, is also really expressed here so strongly by this mother comparing this child to a "jester"; who were noted to having some amount of independence to speak out against royalty while also being directly under royalty. While in reality a lot of jesters seemed to really have a lot of independence when it comes to how much and what they could say against royalty, the reality for child stars is that they don't have that much independence, so for the readers/audience to view this this child (jester) through the eyes of the mother & industry (royalty) adds to how much this independence isn't true despite adults reaffirming it is (or basically not really acknowledging whether it is or isn't true). This perspective would also add that this mother & industry view children speaking out against the industry as mainly "jokes" and not serious enough to consider, as the royalty also viewed jesters' being outspoken against the court and them as jokes.

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Reading the omitted verse would be quite interesting! While I do get the fear of being too "controversial" for others, not only the topic is treated with the heavy gravity it has as it should be (not written for shock-value), but I also feel many people would definitely agree on how grueling the exploitation of children in the hollywood industry is. Though I especially understand the fear knowing that the poem addresses the audience—who are also us. It's a bit intimate for many people to be directly addressed in this way that is critical about how we also tolerate and even contribute to this exploitation of children, even though that's something that really stands out and makes this even more of a great, unique poem. Our sensitivity is of course, not really something to blame yourself; that's just the way we are.

But anyways, this isn't meant be pressuring or anything. I hope I wasn't too pressuring or pushy!! I enjoyed the poem as it is here, and it is really complex and in-depth as it is.

Honestly there's just *so* much someone could say about the poem. I fear I won't give justice to how truly in-depth this poem is with my nitpicking and reviewing haha... especially knowing this poem speaks well for itself! I love so much about it- the commentary on the exploitation of children, the industry and parents of child stars, and even the audience (us) as well! It's all just so great. How uncomfortable it is, how chilling some parts can be.. this poem is really impactful!! Keep writing!!! this is just amazing stuff, and makes you think and reflect.

Hi Ravena!

You've captured what I imagine pageantry to feel like very well! There's an overarching dark tone in the poem — the emphasis on perfection and the pressure faced by a child in the industry is evident throughout. I like how this pressure is depicted through what seems like an external dialogue from society/the industry that is demanding of the child. There's urgency in their tone and it makes the whole subject matter feel saddening given the nature of it. The journey the poem goes on, too, makes this even more sad: we see the child start to be transformed in harsh ways, then to be told it's worth it through winning, until finally the child faces warnings against not obeying, despite any harm they've already faced in the process.

My tiny porcelain doll, forever spinning,
In the old music box that sits on my dresser.

I really enjoyed how you created a connection between mechanization and perfection. The industry is essentially exploiting them in a way that transforms children into little "robots". The "let me admire you, as I admire myself" is an especially haunting ending — the idea that people find joy/pride/satisfaction in seeing what they feel is their success reflect in the child is chilling. I feel like an added punch would be to have the final repetition of these lines (at the end) be slightly different than the others? Either changing one line, or a little bit of the wording, could be more powerful and less predictable as the reader if that makes sense.

Formatting wise, I like that this is all in italics with the exception of a few bolded words. It reinforces the urgency and demand that the child is facing from the world. It feels harsh, almost derogatory, but fitting for the content.

I think you tackled this in a respectful and thorough way given the sensitive subject matter. It really speaks to the dangers of childhood stardom and exploitation without being overly triggering as a reader — I appreciate that!

Until next time,
Calamity

Hey, Raven. I could feel my mouth to be wide open the entire time I read this poem. Literal goosebumps. Gosh, it really was too much to digest at once, so let's break it down.

To start things off, apt title. It's catchy and gives us a good enough idea of what the poetry is going to be about.

Twirl, leap, dance, little ballerina.
My tiny porcelain doll, forever spinning,
In the old music box that sits on my dresser.
Let me admire you, as I admire myself.

I could feel this stanza weave the scene in my head as it moved forward. At first glance, it appears to be talking about a ballet dancer. Porcelain almost felt like a metaphor for disinterest and numb expressions but turns out it's a real porcelain spinning doll in one of those old music boxes. I still believe it to be a symbolism for the daughter who is as if her mother's marionette when it comes to beauty pageants. Anyways, I really liked the scene imagery of the last line, in particular. Like the lady is getting ready herself in front of the dresser as she admires the beautiful doll spinning in the music box. Stunning! I found you repeating this stanza later in the poem succeeded in making the impact you were probably going for. The repetitive lines makes the reader feel like he's trapped in a loop himself, just like the little ballerina is stuck in the maze of these beauty events. It also added to the lyrical aspect of the poem, like the main hook lyrics you keep returning to. Keeps the reader engaged, yet grounded to where you started from.

The second stanza was pure torture to read through. The ballerina's own mother, tells the little girl to ignore the pains she experiences, for the sake of superficial beauty. The stinging bleach, burning iron, itchy and rashy skin, small shoes, tight dress- these are all too vivid descriptions to bear.

Who cares if they’re predators, as long as they know beauty?
So Mommy can bleach, burn, and suffocate it away.

Damnnnnnnn, literal shivers down my spine. I swear I can't even envision a mother saying this, but unfortunately we live in a world where it's the reality. It sounds more like an evil stepmother or straight up, a witch. The mother is knowingly turning a blind eye to the predatory looks on her daughter, just for some beauty pageant. The second line truly portrayed her obsession with perfection in beauty. Really powerful words.

The third stanza goes on to list the consequences of these events the little girl will face as an adult such as hating and starving herself. She'll feel like she's made of plastic but at least she would be a winner, what her mother claims to be what actually matters.

The next stanzas shift from external beauty to internal thoughts that the little girl must share with the world, once she gains popularity. Alas, the speech is not her own, but carefully framed by suited men based on the recent trends. This, I think, is the worst loss the kid suffers. She had lost her natural beauty and carefree nature before, but now she loses her voice as she repeats on the stage some words that aren't hers. She's forbidden to ask questions and must blindly follow the path set by her mother to avoid making the mob angry and to keep the audience satisfied.

That you would never understand otherwise.

This specific line felt like a kick in the stomach. Most of the poem is from the mother's perspective, obsessing over getting her daughter her most beautiful self and under the limelight. This line, in contrast, speaks of the vulnerability of the little girl. We're suddenly reminded of her young age and inexperience of the world and its complex aspects. She, by herself, could never get a hold of such intricate controversial topics at such an innocent phase of her life. But the spotlight has, as if, pushed her to grow faster than she normally would've. It's weight on her shoulders drags her down and her spirit is absolutely crushed beneath it.

At the end of the day, one must ask oneself -for what? Famous, but exploited. A winner, but broken. Rich in future, but robbed of your childhood. How could this all ever be worth it? I have rarely thought deep about this topic myself. But your poem as if stirred a hurricane in me. Mere naive kids, painted with makeup and a camera shoved in their faces. Judges with inappropriate predatory eyes and a mother who sees you not for yourself, but only for your potential to win beauty pageants and fulfill her own dream. Scars carved this young this deep take ages to heal.

The most shocking part would have to be you mentioning you omitted the second verse, which was even more deep but distrubing. Absolutely mind boggling to imagine this verse can be surpassed by the second one. If you decide to change your mind and publish the second verse, just know I'd be very eager to read it! What's some poetry that doesn't cause some chaos afterall?

Overall, this work was very overwhelming to read. As said, real art disturbs the comfortable. Your poem is a perfect example of it. The tone is not easy to swallow either. A real eye opening message, wonderfully presented. Loved every word of it.

Spoiler

Don't mind me I'm just really curious and would get to any lows to read a deleted bit of something I liked so much. That said, no pressure at all or anything. I completely understand the reason you chose to delete the second verse and I respect your decision completely. I also do feel it might be for the best to keep it under wraps if it invites more trouble than worth.