Cover art for *****

*****

by Ravena

Published March 10, 2024

18+ Language Violence

In ****

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

*******

Comments & reviews · 5
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AkiraEliza
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AkiraEliza commented Comment · May 3, 2024

Don't listen to Raven. The book isn't cringy. It's wonderful.

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AkiraEliza
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AkiraEliza commented Comment · May 3, 2024

Psssst
hey
you said you toned it down right
can I read the original version? pretty please?

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AkiraEliza
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AkiraEliza wrote a review Review · May 3, 2024

I'm not sure if you wanted me to review the cleaner one or this one, considering the cleaner one only has one review and this one has two.
eh, doesn't really matter. if I sound like an idiot who didn't read it, I'm reviewing as I read.

dead bodies. wonderful. I like how you use smart words.
cringe my ass. book sounds great! though "McCoy" sounds a bit... cliche? dunno.
Irene sounds pretty. you described her well!
Ooh! I like how you worded how she looked like a doll. it is very accurate! you saying how in books or the incompetent eye it may look beautiful, but in reality, it is unnerving. that strikes me just right, for some reason.
poor kitties! its so sad that they died :(
I like the way you write. it is very rare that I actually take the time to read something. but I'm surprised this didn't get more reviews!
If this was longer, I feel like it could actually be a published book, if you really tried. you have unique ideas, that's for sure! it seems so professional and smooth. I actually LIKE it! now I see what you mean when you say you find it hard to see faults.
finished! I completely forgot that it was long at all. I'm actually pleased I took the time to read this after you mentioned it! its too bad it wasn't longer, actually. this is great! maybe one day there will be a part two.
this was awesome! thanks!

Ravena replied · May 3, 2024

Ah, I'm so glad you enjoyed! I'm also glad you didn't mind the length, I have trouble cutting down short stories for some reason lol.

(oh, and they both technically only have one review, this one just got a comment as well. I just brought up the tamer one if you preferred less grizzly detail ^^)

Thank you for taking the time to read and review, much appreciated! :D

yeah! no problem. do you think that i could read the original one?

Ravena replied · May 3, 2024

Tbh, it's mainly two sections from the original that I left out. Adding a bit more to Ford, Bertie, and the Dad. I wouldn't want to make you read the whole thing again, especially since it's not on a public platform anymore, but I can drop those sections right down here...Just read with caution ;)

Spoiler
[Irene speaking:] "We wanted to stay out of the basement, so Bertie dragged Mother's bloody body to the top, opened the door, and kicked her down. Her head went first, splitting against each step. I didn't just see blood, but gray chunks that gushed through the cracks in her exposed skull. I was scared, but for some reason, I couldn't react. I was numb. I looked up at Bertie. She also looked numb. So cold and empty. She didn't say anything as she closed the door.

I was the one who had to drag Ford into the living room. His face was still bloody from the attack. He would try to speak, but his bottom jaw was broken. The two separate pieces hung open and exposed, the tongue hanging and bloody over them. He never got words out, though. He only gurgled and chunks of blood and tissue sloughed off and came up in his constant drool. The vomiting was even worse, like the overflow of a dam."

I couldn't help gulping, but with that image stuck to my brain, it made me wince and unconsciously reach for my throat.

"The black snow fell again that night. The basement was quieter than before, but we heard a lot of scampering. The next morning, I woke up to Bertie's screaming. I got up quickly, only to see Ford pinning her down. The bloody saliva pouring from his exposed throat and limp tongue was staining her face red. He squeezed her throat to shut her up, then lifted what he had in his other hand. Father's hammer.

He hit her once. Her head snapped toward me, and more than a dozen of her teeth scattered across the ground in front of me. He hit her again, and her left eye bulged out of the socket, immediately turning bloodshot and dilated. He lifted the hammer again, so I picked up a poker from the fireplace. He hit her again on the cheek, and just as he pulled it away, I rammed the poker down his throat. He stopped, and Bertie was able to push him off.

We dragged him to the stairs and pushed him down. He got stuck halfway down, though, so we went down to finish the job. I heard something strange after he hit the ground, though, so I kept going.

At the bottom of the stairs, I slipped in the decomposing fluid that leaked from Dennis and Mother, as well as blood. Fresh blood. It was coming from Father.

He was sitting across from me, in the dark. I watched him slice into the top of his arm with the straight razor, only to savagely dig his fingers into the wound and uproot the skin. I watched the tiny white roots pull away from the red flesh underneath, pulling up vessels along the way that caused them to bleed. Like a glove, he tore down to his hand, snapping away the fingertips and their nails.

Then, he turned to me and grinned. I realized massive patches were missing from his whole body, including his face. Some of the flesh was darkened and greenish from infection. I watched the muscles contract and flex as he got up and staggered toward me.

Bertie pulled me to my feet and dragged me up the stairs. We locked the door, then listened to the sounds of slicing flesh and pouring fluids."

Ravena replied · May 3, 2024

*it's also an older document so sorry if the writing quality's off lol

its alright! its really different from the one you have now, though. and you should see some deleted chapters of my book! it can never be gorey enough! this is awesome!

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PKMichelle
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PKMichelle commented Comment · Mar 10, 2024

I would leave a review, but I feel like it wouldn't be a review because I would just keep repeating how amazing this is...

With that being said, this was absolutely STELLAR!!!

You're a phenomenal writer, and I really seem to enjoy everything you put out!! Keep up the hard work, and I'll keep coming back for more!

Goodbye now, friend...

Ravena replied · Mar 10, 2024

Aw, thank you so much!! I always enjoy your feedback too! ^^

creeperfeverdreams wrote a review Review · Mar 10, 2024

Hello there, Raven! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Detective Norval Hawkes listens to Irene Burki tell the story of how her family fell to the black snow, however, Irene isn’t who she seems to be…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Fur was misspelled as “fir”, but that’s just one little thing. I do these mistakes quite frequently.

Chocolate Bar - Irene. Irene has got to be my favorite character in this entire story. The readers know that there is something up with her from the moment she’s introduced. I thought that she was a ghost at first, but upon reading…oh goodness. Poor girl, but amazing storytelling! The monster possessed her to continue its story, to harm other people.

Closing Graham Cracker - All in all, a long horror show with only one who still remembers. Will the black snow show up again for him to face the monster, or will he live on with his guilt? That is up to the readers for speculation. Twists and turns everywhere! :>

I wish you a spooktastic day/night! ^v^

Ravena replied · Mar 10, 2024

Hello there, glad you enjoyed! Thanks for taking the time to read and review! :)



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline