Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,201 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL :O The story... ahh, I really felt for Angel/the Flower Girl TvT And the images complemented the story so perfectly. Wonderful work ^-^
Thank you so much Mint, I'm glad you liked it!
Hello Raven悪魔(haha see what i did there)! Toast here! I’m so glad you recommended this to me, and I really enjoy what’s being drawn out on this canvas here! So, let’s get going with the review shall we?
As the Amaryllis Blooms,
Firstly, I love how you drew all the flowers as you’re describing them! It really allows us to more accurately imagine each of these blooms as we’re reading the journey of our character Flower Girl. That’s the second thing! The Journey! You have written a story without any amazing and grandiose expeditions or adventures. Instead, this seems to be the journey of the mind, the self and it creates an almost ethereal experience.
And the Azaleas Too
The way we start from this dark, monochromatic world, lost and not knowing who our character is, to this personal journey of recollection and reminiscence, it’s all so majestic. As we see her have her heart broken, happy, longing, and angry, we learn so much of Flower Girl’s thoughts and how she treats everything around her. Even as she grows sick and dies a tragic death at an early age, we see it portrayed through the language of flowers as the red anemone begins to over take her. All for white rose petals to guide her to the afterlife to meet with Gaea herself.
The way you utilized the language of flowers(花言葉) to tell the story is really beautiful.
Some of my favorite lines were
As it showed how she thought of her family through the language of flowers, allowing for a very colorful moment for something as basic as introducing families, and
This second quote was particularly memorable because of a certain korean poem I thought of while reading this called “진달래꽃(jindallaekkot)” or “Azaleas”
It’s a verryyy famous poem in Korea and it portrays the heartbreak of a girl who has to see her lover leave. In it, the poet says:
I feel that we use flowers on these romantic and “happy” occasions, but if we think of it, if we replace these flowers with our hearts, it’s a painful and sorrowful way of portraying heartbreak. Though you used them being trampled on lightly in a different light, I still find a connection here.
Spring has Arrived, Yet Already Departed.
I really enjoyed all of these different flowers(i learnt like 20 new flowers from just reading this alone lol) and your way of writing. There isn’t really any particular thing I can point out for improvement, and in fact, you did a really amazing job! I hope to see more writing projects like these in your future endeavors and,
Have a nice day!
Aaa, I'm so glad you stopped by with this great review (and that's some great-looking kanji there ;D)! It's great to know you enjoyed the story, and I'm really interested in that Korean poem now!
%u3069%u3046%u305E%u3042%u308A%u304C%u3068%u3046%u3054%u3056%u3044%u307E%u3059%uFF01
*well apparently YWS doesn't recognize Japanese characters XDD "douzoarigatougozaimasu" - thank you very much!!
I was left completely speechless. Your writing is beautiful!!
)
This is D.B., and I am so thankful to have the pleasure of reading another amazing writer's art.
First, you did such a wonderful job carrying me along this girl's journey while depicting the joys and sufferings that each person can relate to some way or another. Just like the innocence of the young flower girl, I was not suspecting any trials to come her way. But when they did, they were powerful and grew her character. The end took me by so much surprise! It was bittersweet and brought so much more of an realistic and relatable impact to this fictional tale.
How poetic you write! I would love to know what inspired you to weave flowers all throughout. The way they acted as characteristics at some points---and different growths or memories at others while also acting as this guiding path---really soaked in the full effect of their connection with her life. Also, the images were so wonderful, they helped me picture every unfamiliar flower you named. It also felt like the flowers were not just growing on the paths but literally growing on the page.
The only critique I have to mention is the repetition of "I" in your sentence starters. While this made me feel more connected with the character, Adding various sentence starters brightens the page and keeps readers more engaged.
(of course take any critiques with a grain of salt; listen to your own instincts with writing
My favorite parts include the climax, the symbol of the braid, and just your wonderful balance of flavoring the sentences.
The red anemones replacing every flower, followed by a rushed pace in your sentence structures allowed for me to feel that same frantic feeling the Flower Girl was feeling. And the moment you described the sickness was so heartbreaking!
Weaving in the braid, so to speak, was so creative! It tied in so naturally with her character, and ended up embodying her life story.
As someone who is fond of Anne of Green Gables, your language describing the flowers and scenery to set the tone reminded me of L.M. Montgomery's own flowery (quite fitting) language. Describing so many different flowers and settings in such a short story is pretty difficult to balance without being to wordy or not descriptive enough. I think you captured just the right amount as I followed and stayed hooked on each paragraph.
Overall, many applauses for this work. I was delighted to read it, moved, and learned from it (all of which I think makes a true piece of art). Keep writing, would love to hear more of your voice in your stories!
💐💐,
D.B.
Ah, I'm so glad you enjoyed this!! I understand exactly what you mean about the repetition of "I" as well and appreciate the critique ~ Thank you so much for this great review!
Hi hi!
This is so cool visually! It feels like a fairytale you'd read to kids, with the aesthetics and the cool art hahah! It's easy to overcrowd a page with words or artwork, but this doesn't feel like that. It's airy and breathable! It's just stunning as well. Did you make the art yourself or is it something you found online? I'm curious. :>
The story itself is just as pleasing, too. Flower Girl is so unique! She is a very strong woman, but she's delicate at the same time... what a girlboss! It's like her character comes off the page. She radiates so much hope and positivity, but she isn't flat in any regards either. That's hard to manage in short stories I'd say!
I love this! Though, I wish you had a little more on her backstory... Flower Girl, for the most part, just spawned in somewhere. There's a line where a short story gets too wordy, but there's room for another paragraph or two in here!
Enough of that. This was really pretty! You are a talented writer!
~ Seoyoung
I'm so glad you enjoyed! Since you asked, the art is mine, I use ProCreate on iPad ^^
I understand exactly what you're saying about more backstory as well and appreciate the critique! Thank you for this great review!