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139,201 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
I rolled my eyes at your description. Whenever anyone labels their own work as "cringe" or "semi-cringe", I know it's going to be pretty great, and the thing that frustrates me is that you don't know it yet.
A part of me appreciated your beginning note - and especially giving a warning that this work would contain SH references, props to you. It also reveals an interesting fact: that you really struggle with poetry. If you do, I cannot see it, judged on this work along. A sprawl of self-deprecation, self-hatred and self-flagellation, a treatise on the role others have to play on our own neuroses, the burden others force us to bear.
The lack of specificity, as another reviewer remarked on, is somewhat contentious and there are pros and cons for going for this approach. On one hand, if you were to make the titular Dollgirl more catered to specificity, it could help clarify and round up the broader loose ends. On the other, it has a universal appeal, and to make it so contained to one interpretation would make others lose out on its empathetic potential. In other words, whilst it could do with some elaboration as to the justification of Dollgirl's feelings, it works fine as a more general expression of self-loathing.
Your use of imagery here is outstanding. The idea that this character could be prized, whilst also broken, does spell out that they're damaged goods, or more to the point they were bought to be broken. The focus on Dollgirl's seeming resentment at having been treated this way, in a sense, reminds me of Sylvia Plath's darker work, particularly Lady Lazarus.
Struggle as you may with writing poetry, I would urge you to carry on. Whilst there are clearly some improvements to be made, it's obvious to me that this is a struggle worth going through, if it results in excellent work such as this.
Thank you so much, Ardor! Your feedback is very helpful and much appreciated ^^
Hai :3
This is such a heavy poem, but it’s also so beautifully written!! The imagery here is just stunning ~~ Like, the doll metaphor is so sharp and tangible, and it transforms a common theme into so much more. It hurts in all the best ways!! I’m sitting here with chills because the whole piece feels so delicate and shattering, which matches the themes so perfectly!! I don't think it's cringe at all!!
I love these lines !!
The juxtaposition between being “prized” and the cracks forming is such a vivid, visceral way to show the contrast between past admiration and present disrepair. The porcelain imagery feels delicate but also brittle too!! I love the way you’ve captured this sense of fragility and disillusionment at the same time; the dichotomy never feels unequal or like one theme is prioritized over the other. It’s such a vivid metaphor for feeling disconnected from yourself, like you don’t even know what’s real.
This line is so emotionally loaded, but I think it could be even more devastating if you added a bit more specificity. Right now, I don't know anything about her!! She is just this concept that exists in the poem, but I don't see past that. Why does the dollgirl think she’s not worth it? Is it tied to something deeper, or is the shame itself the answer? How does that shame manifest outside of what's happening in the poem? Those are some thoughts I had when reading!!
Again though, I love how the doll metaphor exists throughout the entire poem without feeling overdone or repetitive!! It’s so tightly integrated into the narrative of identity and worthlessness. It ties the emotions together so cohesively!! The transition between fragile, static porcelain and the blood-and-skin imagery adds so much depth ~~ It adds so many layers to the poem, and it makes it come alive!!
Overall, this is stunning! It’s reflective and haunting in all the right ways, and I can feel the weight of every line. You’ve really captured that sense of feeling out of place, and it HURTS, but it’s so cathartic to read. Amazing work!! ^_^
- Payton
Thank you so much for your feedback, Payton, and for reading! It is very much appreciated <3
you had me at "semi cringe" xD.
Wow, this was so deep and poetic and relatable and it made me want to cry (with awestruck, good tears) This was amazing. Excellent job.
WAT. That's crazy because well you did wonderfully with this poem!
P.S. know that you really are a wonderful and amazing and valued person and that all of us are here for you whenever you need us <3
Hi Inferno! Thank you so much for reading and commenting such kind words, it%u2019s very much appreciated ^^ <33