There is blood
on her mirror
in her bathroom
where the left light always flickers.
There is blood.
(not her blood)
but it is on her mirror
and in her bathroom
where the left light always flickers.
There is blood
On her mirror.
It does not know how it got there.
And neither does she.
There is blood
but she knows that already.
She can see herself in it
(despite it not being hers)
She sees her own face
tinted a sanguine scarlet.
Sticky.
She sees the flickering light;
A bloody disco
on the left.
She sees her dripping forearms--
Oh.
There is blood
on the mirror
but also on her.
The blood
(on her mirror
in her bathroom)
is no longer a mystery.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello Plume,
Mailice here with a short review!
In my long search for a horror/ mystery poem, I came across yours here. The name gave me some interesting theories ready before I read it, which all vanished into thin air when I read the poem
My first impression is very positive.I like how the whole poem feels like a song you would sing in the playground when you are playing skipping rope. I think that thought gives me that creepy vibe with the writing.
I like your repetition and how it changes from stanza to stanza, so slowly enlightenment comes. Like the mirror that gets fogged up after a hot shower and only becomes visible again after a while, your poem develops into a gruesome find as you wait to find out what's hiding behind it.
I like the way you build up the poem, and you put a little focus on the "her", which gives a certain depth when you read it.
I really like the way you allude to the blood first, that it itself doesn't know how it got there, and only then, in passing, do you mention the person. I think it's well constructed because it gives the feeling that the woman/girl doesn't care about the blood.
I like this moment the best. It's probably because you describe it so simply and yet with the "sanguine" it takes on much more meaning than just the simple "blood". I would interpret it as hopeful or optimistic, which adds drama and mystery to the whole text.
The scene here made me grin. It seems so banal and yet fitting when one read a little and realise how the person there thinks about the whole room. I just don't know what to do with the "sticky" as I get the impression it's what the girl is saying (or thinking). Wouldn't it then have to be written in italic, like the later one?
If that's the only comment, it's very ingeniously constructed. It again gives a new meaning to the sanguine from earlier, which I really like.
I really like the poem. It invites the reader to smile and to think. It has a certain drama and horror in it and yet it seems, told in such a naive and childlike way, that I would hear it in the background of a Tim Burton film somewhere. It has this creepy lightness to it that I like.
You manage to get me very excited with this simple writing and build up a very amusing and eerie style.
Enjoy the writing!
Mailice.
Aaa thank you so much for your review! I'm glowing with your praise!
This has thoroughly terrified me. The repetition, the cold demeanor, the descriptions woah (shivers) really got me scared.
It's also clear that the character, despite noticing blood and everything, sounds oddly uninterested, detached from her reality. Even during the moment she realizes, all she says is an "oh" before continuing the same, haunting words.
And the way she sees the world, the things she notices: the flickering left light, she repetitively says at first before thinking of it as a bloody disco, then the way she describes the blood on her face...it's like I'm looking through her mind and her mind is NOT IN A HEALTHY STATE. And you really showed that perfectly in this.
Thanks for sharing and for scaring and keep growing <3
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed!
You're welcome <3
Hi there Plume! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.
I'll start by trying to analyze this, then talk about what I think works and what could be improved. We start with a pretty strong denial-there is blood, but it's not hers, so where did it come from? Then we morph into an examination of the scene, and finally an epiphany-she looks at her forearms and can no longer deny that it is her blood. The end seems weirdly satisfied with this conclusion, but it leaves a lot of things unsaid-why is she bleeding so profusely? Did she do this to herself, or did someone/something else do this (this is where I thought you were going by the spooky season description)? Or am I off base, and this is someone else's blood-is she a killer?
Perhaps some mystery is warranted, but maybe there's a way to use the narrative structure to paint a little more of the picture. Maybe you can go back to "There was blood..." to show what happened before this bloody self-examination in a bathroom.
The repetition in the first few stanzas works at first, but it feels a little overdone by the fourth stanza. I might cut it, because I don't feel like it adds anything. I would also tweak the first stanza to read "the mirror/the bathroom", so then there's a more interesting transition to "her mirror/her bathroom" .
I also like the imagery of the light becoming a bloody disco. There's also some nice alliteration and sensory description in "tinted a sanguine scarlet. Sticky."
One thing I think is odd, but in a good way, is how detached the speaker is about the blood. It's there, but it's just something to observe, the way I might skin my knee and go "oh yeah, it's bleeding, it's fine", but like with much larger quantities of blood. So there's a strong voice of detachment and apathy, which says something about the character's mental state and why she's struggling to cope with the reality of the blood.
Overall, I like the concept of this, but I would like for there to be a little more narrative. Keep writing!
Thank you!!
Gripping work !!
Glad you enjoyed!
Hello, bright here for a quick review!
Feel free to ignore as much or as little of this as you like.
First off, I really like this poem. It is very spooky and sufficiently scared me. I especially like the interesting structure you’ve gone for - with repetition and parenthesis.
A spooky start for a spooky poem. Brings me right into the action - I immediately know what is going on and am immediately frightened. It also has an interesting structure with each line giving a new piece of information. This also makes it easier to read.
I love the way you’ve repeated the first stanza again but added a new - incredibly uncanny - piece of information. Also, the emphasis on the two hers really creates a sense of confusion (why would there be blood that isn’t hers on her mirror).
Personifying the blood - interesting, but vaguely confusing as the technique is not used again throughout the entirety of the poem: perhaps this would be more effective if you were to repeatedly personify the blood on the mirror?
However, I really like the change in structure here. Shows how her thoughts are beginning to break down as she can no longer form complete sentences, only fragments.
Third repeat - but this time she is aware of the repetition in her mind, and it is also beginning to function as a mirror, as she can now see herself in it. We’re still all very confused at this point, and it is still sufficiently spooky.
I love the alliteration you’ve used here - such a vivid description, too! The sensory language with ‘sticky’ is great, though that could have been expanded on more. We are now beginning to see what’s going on here.
This metaphor is excellent. Drawing in features from the creepy repetition earlier and then comparing it to a ‘bloody disco’. Brilliant, especially in that it is obviously bloody there but why the heck would she be describing it as a disco? This confusion considering the metaphor creates a whole new level of creepiness, so great job on that!
The structure here is great. The moment of realisation for our character is one of enormity, and I feel that is captured really well here. It’s almost like she’s going to go on to another stanza, and then- realisation.
Continued moment of realisation, and then a brilliant ending, because it is still a mystery to the reader, and yet our character is claiming there is no mystery left! It leaves the reader feeling on edge and sincerely spooked, which I suppose was the aim with this poem!
So yeah, I generally really liked the spookiness of this, but there are a few things that could be clarified and expanded upon more.
I hope this was helpful, and I’m looking forward to reading/reviewing more of your work in the future!
Yeah, the confusion also kinda confused me, as the writer, which is probably a red flag. There was originally more stanzas at the end, but they kinda broke the poem's structure a bit, so I decided I didn't like them. I understand if that kinda hindered the comprehension. I'm glad you were still able to enjoy it's spookiness, though, in spite of the confusion!
Spooky! Nice job!
Thank you!!