Chapter 1: Gone

Hello, I'm calmly in danger.

the opening made me wonder what was happening and why but as I read I got it.

the following paragraphs made me question what would i have done, the cementing of the importance of that laptop worked really well. the slow world building as we learn what kind of room the main character is in made me feel, in a way, what they were going through. the seconds ticking down as they cut made me question if she was going to make it. then the cold reality hit me as it hit her. congrats- i'm hooked. i want to know more. what above? who is the person who wiped the computer. will answers come. what lead to the downfall of above? i wonder it and if i get to know more, i will be extremely happy.

the way of writing and the spacing did confuse me at first but i very quickly took a liking to it. the story itself answered itself the more i read and i liked that, but it still left me question. I liked that even more.

thank you for writing this.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! Spotted this buried in All Literary in a scavenger hunt fore reviews. And I will try to review the whole thing. Well let's get going.

First Impression: Well that's a terrifying opening right there. Hits you right away. Definitely a great opening.

Anyway let's get to some nitpicks,

In five minutes all communication lines, including the Internet and excepting paid lines, will be shut down. All data will be wiped, both off the Internet and off all devices. Effective immediately, the countdown begins:

I sit there, in front of my laptop, paralyzed. I am numb. Knowing that my life’s work is about to be erased―I can’t bring myself to believe it. Tears well up in my eyes, but I blink them away. What would my mother have done, if it was her laptop?

Hello, Ashe.

I shiver and type back.

How do you know my name?

I know many things.

I am still scared, but my curiosity overcomes my fear. I type in the next words: Why are you doing this?

Because I can.

Where are you?

Above.

I freeze. Nobody lives above. Not since the Takedown.

Abruptly, my screen darkens to a deep black. I suck in a breath as the harsh reality settles on my shoulders. I stare at the screen, willing it to turn on. It has been so long since this has happened, so long since my laptop had shut down. I’d kept it on, for its constant faint blue light and the sense of comfort that it brought. The device had been my companion, the only unchanging thing when the world above had fallen apart around me.

Somehow, I know I won’t be coming back for a very, very long time.

I need answers.

With that, I set off into the world above me.

I'm sorry I can't give decent reviews...But my main thought while reading this chapter was, "I feel you, Ashe. Really..." Somehow, Ashe's situation feels relatable (getting your portfolio erased). The horror...

Hey, I just saw one of the latest chapters and I wanted to go back to the beginning and read the whole thing. This is a really cool story so far. The attention getter is awesome. You did a great job of keeping a sense of suspense and yet not leaving the reader in too much confusion. Some writers go too far keeping important details in the dark for too long, but you handled the job well.

I don't see anything wrong with this part except for one thing. When the narrator types the words, "Why are you doing this?" the words are not bold like they are in the other lines in the typed conversation between the narrator and the mysterious individual on the other end. Other than that, you've written well. Keep it up!

Hello!! I saw the most recent chapter in the green room so I thought I’d come on over to the beginning and get all caught up and I’m on mobile so hopefully this goes okay!

Okay! Super intriguing way to start the story! I liked that we got right into the action and you didn’t spend time setting up the world or the whos what’s and why’s. I liked the little hints of world building at the end about something happening “above” and now she lives in a tunnel system underground. Super intriguing.

Logistical questions. If she’s underground, how does her computer work? How did her life’s work only exist on this blog and how is it not saved on her computer? Unless the attack is on her whole computer? But it sort of sounded like it was just deleting her blog?

I love that we don’t have any information about who is doing this and why and I love that you gave away so little! However I would like it to slow down a little there at the end so I understand her thought process better as she’s deciding to leave. This would be a good opportunity to show a little more of the world as she’s gathering these supplies. Where is she getting them from? Who else is around? Is anyone going to miss her? What does she know about the possible dangers of this journey she’s about to take? The decision at the end feels so impulsive and yet it’s a big decision! Has she ever left before? Does she know anyone who has left? Are there rules about leaving? Is all of this over her sadness for her laptop or does she want to figure out how someone is up there? You don’t have to answer every single one of those questions, but give me a little more insight

Overall though it’s an intriguing premise and I’m excited to see how it develops from here! I’ll keep on reading and in the meantime let me know if you have any questions or if you’d like feedback for something I didn’t mention!

Happy RevMo!

Hi there! I hope you're having a good day, or night!
I love how you set the scene, and honestly, you hit home when you talked about the character fearing for her work. If someone reset my computer, and I lost say, my novel, I would cry for hours. You have me very curious for what's going to happen next, which is great!
The one thing I think I should point out, is I'm a little confused about when she typed into the computer, I thought it might be words on the screen, but I wasn't sure, it wasn't clarified.
Other than that, this was a really great start to a book! I can't wait to read the next chapter! Keep on doing what you love!

Hi Miraculor!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, obviously depending on what side of the world you're on. I'm here to give you a review on this fabulous chapter of yours. Alright, before I start, I want to say, this was quite a chapter! You started in a very interesting way. I really like it. And, may I say, you've got me hooked, Mir. (Nickname alert!) Well, let's see, I didn't see any grammar or punctuation mistakes, so you're all set.

But wait, I did catch one teensie-weensie little thing. If you look here:

I spin around and survey my underground studio, taking in he familiar view.

Hey all, it's me, the writer of Code: Delete.

I switched everything to present tense because I will be writing like this for the rest of the book.
And:
I finally found time to edit the second chapter, and it's coming out soon!

Wonderful story and wonderful work... You did really well dear... Hats off... Really liked it... Do tag me when you publish the next part..looking forward to it.

Wonderful story and wonderful work... You did really well dear... Hats off... Really liked it... Do tag me when you publish the next part..looking forward to it.

Hey Mira(if I can call you that)!
Fanta here for a review!!
Firstly, welcome to YWS!
And secondly...
I. LOVE. THIS.
This is one of the best stories I've read in a while, and the way you drew me into this... It feels like I can't LIVE without a continuation!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

"Somehow, I knew I wouldn’t be coming back for a very, very long time."

This line in particular literally makes me squeal in excitement!!! Continue writing please!!!
Your friend,

Fanta

Hey there! Welcome to YWS!
I really liked this as a first chapter; it really got me hooked because I would KILL whoever did it if I was in his/her position. There were a few mistakes but they were mostly just spelling and I suck at grammar. I like the topic you chose because it is an eye opener as to how dependant we really are on technology. Anyway, I'm pressed for time right now so I can't say much more. I'll be back for more!
Happy writing from your friend,
Honora

I enjoyed this and I would HATE if that happened to me. I think the story really flowed (other than a few choppy sentences I saw) and I don't know much of the story. What does "above" mean?

But I do like the amount of detail you put in this, I can tell you've spent a long time on it and I can't wait to see what else you write in the future. Maybe if you do a bit of editing you could send it into a magazine to be published? Just a thought.

-JadeLotus

I enjoyed this and I would HATE if that happened to me. I think the story really flowed (other than a few choppy sentences I saw) and I don't know much of the story. What does "above" mean?

But I do like the amount of detail you put in this, I can tell you've spent a long time on it and I can't wait to see what else you write in the future. Maybe if you do a bit of editing you could send it into a magazine to be published? Just a thought.

-JadeLotus

Hi and welcome to YWS! My name's MJTucker, but you can call me MJ, Tuck, Tucker, Tuckster, Supreme Overlord, or really anything! If there's anything I can do to help get you accustomed to YWS, just let me or anyone with a green name know, and we'll do everything we can to make your time here as enjoyable as possible! Let's jump into this review.

The thing I find hardest to believe is the transition into questioning. If this were to happen to me (I also have a lot of important files stored on the Internet), I would definitely freak out and have that same "this-can't-be-happening" reaction, but I can't see myself typing in "Who are you" for no apparent reason. That assumes that there is a singular person behind what can only be called an "attack", and that this person might have an interest in responding to it, not to mention that this person is monitoring the screens of every single person worldwide. It just seems like there are so many holes in this that it doesn't seem logical and somewhat disrupts the world.

Another problem that I think you need to address is the lack of explanation. As a beginning reader, I have no idea what you mean by "above". Do you mean the ground? Space? The sky? Some other planet? Some alternate dimension? That's never clearly explained, and that makes the action hard to track, and it's hard to relate to and "root for" the main character when I don't know what the main character is doing.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter! I chose not to take the time to "nitpick", or point out small grammatical/spelling mistakes because you're a competent enough writer to find those upon editing this piece, and instead focused on some more central themes like plot holes and description. I do really think this piece has potential, and you did a great job drawing me in! This was creatively executed, original, and intriguing, and I look forward to reading more! As always, if you have any questions, just contact me and I'll do my best to sort it out! Great job on this, and no matter what, keep writing.

~MJTucker

Good job, its very nicely typed, I love what you are writing about. I feel its very mature and is based on how much peoples life is used on technology. Its an interesting topic to chose for it. You do have a few spelling errors though so make sure to fix that. But either than that i think it is a very good start. I feel it will become a awesome novel people will love to read.
Keep up the good work!!!