z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Chapter 18: Dark

by Miraculor77


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Ashe's POV

Where… am I….?

Darkness covers my vision, but as much as I try to open my eyes, I can't. My eyelids feel numb. I can't feel anything.

The sound of my heart drowns out my hearing, steady and muffled, slow, too slow.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump…

I drift back into consciousness at muffled sounds. "…the intruder should be… yes, I know, but… just a boy… Huh? … 'who he is'? What do you…" A pause, then another voice starts, this one higher and fading in and out with my heartbeat. "I'm telling you… he's different… we can use him…"

Use… who? Something about this…

doesn't seem right.

The voices move away, their footsteps fading.

A strange tingling feeling spreads through my body, pins and needles jolting every nerve, ending at my eyes. Sparks fly through their backs, and pain floods and pulses through my head, at once sharp and dull.

"Aaaghhn…"

My mouth twists into a grimace and I immediately regret it as the taste of iron fills my mouth, accompanied by a stinging burn in my lips. The footsteps slow to a stop, and I can make out an outline of a hand through the tears in my eyes.

A loud click sounds, followed immediately by a hard tapping sound, then an ear-splitting beep! I crack open my eyes, gritting my teeth against the blinding whiteness that surrounds me. A figure leans above me, silhouetted by the harsh white light above and blurred by my tears.

Who is he? For an impossible moment, I see Kyre's face, but then it falls away.

I sense a hand coming closer, fingers smudged together by my teary eyes. It hovers over my face for a second, then comes closer. A thumb carefully brushes my tears away, and the face above comes into focus.

The boy above has sharp, narrow features, with a straight, angular nose and high cheekbones. His head is almost shaved on one side, a thin layer of blond barely visible. But on the other side, his hair hangs long and somewhere between straight and wavy, falling over his left ear and parts of his face. A healing gash peeks out from under his hair, a slash of pink that stands out against his skin.

He slips his hands under my head and shoulders and tugs me into a seated position. I’m in a tank filled with a thick, glowing substance, and once my arms are free of it, the feeling starts coming back to them in faster, more painful spurts of pins and needles. I pull them to my chest, curling my back over them, like that’ll make the prickling sensation disappear.

The boy still doesn’t say anything, he just takes my right hand into his and inspects it, then places it on my knee and gets up. He’s back a moment later with wipes, a solvent of sorts, and bandages. His own hands are bony and scrawny, but gentle as they cradle mine.

The solvent is in a vial with glass so thick it looks like the green liquid is floating inside. He dips a cloth in it and carefully wipes it over the back of my hand. The solvent is cool, and quickly feels like it's freezing my hand through, but still feels better than the empty numbness from earlier.

He seems focused on meticulously wrapping the bandage around my hand, so I take a moment to really observe him.

An oversized, worn shirt hangs over his thin body, and his cheekbones, jaw, and collarbones seem just a little too pronounced, like he isn’t getting enough to eat. He has a lanyard around his neck, the shiny plastic ID card hanging from it seeming ridiculously out of place. Despite his smaller stature―he can’t be much taller than me―something about him makes him seem older, perhaps eighteen or so. On his right hand, a silver band encircles his index finger.

He must have noticed me studying him because he looks up and meets my eyes.

“All done for now. Don’t use your hand for the next two weeks, and you should be fine.” His voice is low, soft almost to the point of whispering. “And Ashe, please don’t tell anyone I was here.”

How do you know my name? I try to say, but my throat feels as though a hard rock is lodged inside it. Swallowing hard, I find my voice again, then something entirely different comes out. “Why? You didn’t do much―”

His hand is on my mouth. Heat radiates off of him, making me realize just how cold this room is. He shakes his head and closes his eyes for a second, looking like he’s having an internal fight. Without moving his hand, he speaks again, this time much quieter. I have to strain to hear him even though we’re sitting so close.

“I’m not supposed to be here. I’ll try to find you again soon, but you absolutely cannot tell anyone I was here unless you want us both to be erased.”

I nod, and he takes his hand off. “What’s your name?” I whisper.

He leans over and breathes it into my ear. “Callan.”

And then, he’s gone.

*-*-*

Kyre's POV

Fuck, it hurts like hell.

I curl into myself, try to get away from the dizzying, throbbing pain that's racking my nose and head. Stinging tears push out of my eyelids, and I can't even wipe them off. My nose feels stuffed up and just wrong, and my head is filled with fog.

A click sounds as someone closes the door behind them, footsteps getting louder as they come closer. A hand jerks my face up, sending another wave of pain through my nose.

Kat's face peers at me, expressionless and hard.

"You," I rasp, hating the pathetic weakness in my voice. "What did you do to her?"

"Your girlfriend? She's gone."

Gone how?

My face must have betrayed what I'm thinking, because Kat smiles, saying the words with obvious pleasure.

"Imprisoned. Considered to be dead. To be erased soon."

My breath halts. My thoughts freeze over, hanging onto one word. No. No, no, no. Nononononono...

Her fingers gently brush through my hair, and then I feel a sharp sting just under my ear.

"Rest well, dear. You'll be next, I'm sure."

Darkness closes around my vision again, this time soft and welcoming, not at all like the angry spots from earlier. The last thing I see before it takes over is Kat's back as she leaves the room.

I hate her so much.


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Tue Jul 07, 2020 8:07 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And I'm back for the last two chapters of this.

First Impression: Well things getting even crazier now. Also I really want to punch Kat in the face. *tries to calm himself*

Anyway let's get right to it,

I drift back into consciousness at muffled sounds. "…the intruder should be… yes, I know, but… just a boy… Huh? … 'who he is'? What do you…" A pause, then another voice starts, this one higher and fading in and out with my heartbeat. "I'm telling you… he's different… we can use him…"

Use… who? Something about this…

doesn't seem right.

The voices move away, their footsteps fading.

A strange tingling feeling spreads through my body, pins and needles jolting every nerve, ending at my eyes. Sparks fly through their backs, and pain floods and pulses through my head, at once sharp and dull.

"Aaaghhn…"


This earlier part is just beautiful. This and the next couple of paragraphs do such an amazing job of conveying the confusion of her situation. Oh my god that part is simply awesome.(You can see I am running out of synonyms for amazing). It's just....perfect.

The boy above has sharp, narrow features, with a straight, angular nose and high cheekbones. His head is almost shaved on one side, a thin layer of blond barely visible. But on the other side, his hair hangs long and somewhere between straight and wavy, falling over his left ear and parts of his face. A healing gash peeks out from under his hair, a slash of pink that stands out against his skin.


Well it looks like this is maybe that boy who was treating Kyre's sister...uhh...Hal I think. Maybe. He definitely looks like he picked a fight or two.

The solvent is in a vial with glass so thick it looks like the green liquid is floating inside. He dips a cloth in it and carefully wipes it over the back of my hand. The solvent is cool, and quickly feels like it's freezing my hand through, but still feels better than the empty numbness from earlier.


So he's authorized to have these things or did he just steal those? Also won't the bandage give away the fact that someone helped her and then obviously someone would launch an investigation. Also they have so many cameras but none of them are found inside the place where prisoners are kept?

“I’m not supposed to be here. I’ll try to find you again soon, but you absolutely cannot tell anyone I was here unless you want us both to be erased.”


So her location changes constantly? Or does he mean that he has to find time?

Kat's face peers at me, expressionless and hard.


One thing I realized just now. If Kat is doing all this where is the other bloke that was working with her to track down Kyre. Did he just like give up and let Kat handle it?

My face must have betrayed what I'm thinking, because Kat smiles, saying the words with obvious pleasure.


*urge to repeatedly punch in the face intensifies*

I hate her so much.


Me too Kyre. Me too..

And that's it.

Overall: This parts is really well done. The tension is just built up so well giving us a flicker of hope in the beginning while making it seem like everything is lost in the next part. Anyway now I'm almost afraid to read the next chapter. If that ends in a cliffhanger....

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Miraculor77 says...


Thank you so much for the review. I honestly kinda forgot about the small details which resulted in multiple tiny plotholes :') But I'm working on the next chapter (20) right now, and it should be out in a few days. Should I tag you when I upload it?



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!!
And definitely you can tag me!! I'd love to read more.



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Wed Mar 18, 2020 3:35 pm
dahlia58 wrote a review...



There is palpable suspense in this chapter. I liked how the new character Callan is introduced. His actions make it clear he's not a bad person. The only main suggestion I have is that Kyre's part could be a bit longer. Perhaps you could add some more details to the plot or his thoughts after "I hate her so much." I look forward to chapter 19^^




Miraculor77 says...


Yeah, the ending does feel a bit abrupt, so I might go back and add more to the chapter later. Thanks for the review!



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Tue Mar 10, 2020 10:42 pm
Lib wrote a review...



Heya Mira!

Hope you're doing well~

I'm here to review your piece after... ah... a while. But that's okay! Writer's block happens and it happens to everyone! (It's very mean though. >:c) Anyway, continuing! I did read this in the writer feed pad and left a few comments but I'll get into the review~

Not much happens in this chapter (which, again, is the block's problem, not yours - you usually have a good amount of action in one chapter). But honestly, I guess there was a reason you got the block at this specific chapter - it's okay, when you're introducing a new character who will play an important role, to take it easy around there. You did well here and I pat you on the back for that! =)

Now, about the actual introduction to our new guy, Callan. Hm, it seems pretty good to me. We already know his personality. By the looks of it, Callan can't have the bad guys catching him helping out Ashe. Either he works for them, or he broke into the building and is helping out. So we know here that he's a kind person. *pats Callan* <3

Also, real quick note before I end this review: you didn't really mention who's POV the first part was of. After a bit of reading, I knew it was Ashe, but I hope you meant to put "Ashe's POV" towards the beginning. ^-^

That's it for my review then. Hope this was helpful in some sort of way. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever! I can't wait for the next chapter, but, of course, no rush.

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




Miraculor77 says...


Yeah, I did mean to put "Ashe's POV" at the beginning. i'll fix that. :) This chapter was a bit of a filler chapter, but I'll do my best to get back to having more things happen in the next chapters. Thanks for reviewing!



Lib says...


Not a problem! :)




All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
— Jane Wagner