Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure

12+

Chapter 15: Caught

by Miraculor77


Kyre's POV

We've been walking for a while now. I take a slow sip of my cooling coffee. Ashe mirrors my movement, drinking some of her almond-milk coffee. I'd made sure to give her the vegan option; the image of Ashe with welts all over her skin is, as she had explained, not a pretty one.

The sky is painted pale pink and orange, interlaced with the dark blue of the night. Faint stars glimmer in the far distance. A cold wind blows from behind us and blows my hair forward. At this point, Ashe's hand is the only source of warmth I have. Images from the hallucination--or was it a memory?--flit through my mind, the haunting terror, the sharp pangs of pain, the deeper ones of loss.

Blood pouring across the ground, almost glowing with the flames reflected in it. I grip Ashe's hand tighter.

"Kyre?" Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts. When I look down to face her, she continues. "Are you cold? You have goosebumps." She runs a slender hand down my arm, from elbow to wrist. Sure enough, the fine hairs are standing up, making my skin look a bit like a lychee. The ghost of the warmth from her hand makes me realize just how cold the air really is.

Ashe proceeds to pull off my windbreaker. When I move to stop her, she effectively pauses me with a hard look. "It. Is. Cold. And. You. Will. Wear. This."

I sigh in defeat and let her put the jacket onto my shoulders. The colors of the sky reflect in her golden-brown eyes, reflecting specks of orange. She gently takes my half-filled cup from my hand and sets it on the ground, before drawing my arm through the sleeve. Faint nostalgia hits me at her movements and I feel a bit like a little kid. Just as she's pulling my other arm through the sleeve, another cold draft attacks us and she shivers like an autumn leaf.

Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and pull her into me. Her head rests against my chest. Some of my body heat must have transferred, because her shivering ceases. Even through her hoodie, I can feel the bones of her back, the ridges of her spine. She was telling the truth about never having enough food, which means that she really is from underground. No wonder she was so eager to head to the Store when she first came up.

Her heart beats like a trapped hummingbird against me, her shoulders rigid, but she doesn't move. I rest my chin on her head, feeling the loose curls of her hair tickle my skin. An unexpected warmth threads its way through me.

"Well, look what we have here."

Ashe pushes me away quickly, her head snapping toward the voice. It's the girl from the coffee shop. She wears a black crop-top over a long-sleeved shirt. A few chains hang from her belt, alongside a pair of handcuffs and what appears to be a set of daggers in their sheaths. How did I not hear her come? Her violet eyes glitter as she unclips the handcuffs from the belt at her hip.

"Girl, you're coming with me. You," she pinpoints her glare at me. "can go home. I have no use for you."

There's a pause as Ashe's face morphs from surprised confusion to annoyance. "How about no?" she asks at last.

The girl strides over and grabs her forearm. "I'm authorized to use force to take you with me."

I start toward them, meaning to pry the girl off, but Ashe beats me to it. She twists her arm, and with an expert flick of her wrist, the girl's hand is thrown off. A swift punch just below the ribs, and the girl is doubled over, gasping for breath. She clearly hadn't expected Ashe to fight back.

Ashe stares at her, her expression hard, before reaching down and picking up her coffee. I'd forgotten it even existed. She takes a long sip as the girl recovers. "My name is Ashe, by the way. Not 'girl.' What's your's?"

"Kat."A simple answer. She doesn't want to reveal any information, I realize. She never even said why she needs Ashe to come with her.

Why?

Ashe must be thinking the same thing, but unlike me, she actually asks. "Why do you need me to come with you? Where are you going? Why can't Kyre come?"

"You're under arrest for treason. I'm not authorized to give any more information in the presence of anyone else." After giving me a pointed look, the girl picks up the handcuffs she'd dropped and opens them, tucking the key into a pocket in her--also black--jeans. "You can avoid trouble if you come with me and cooperate."

Something glimmers in the corner of vision, and I see the Government seal on a badge clipped to Kat's left sleeve.

So the Government sent her. But why? If anything, I'm the wanted criminal here. Not Ashe.

I half-raise a hand and wave to catch Kat's attention. "I'd like a moment to speak with Ashe. I promise by Luna that we won't try to run."

She ponders my request. My throat dries. I hope she can't see traces of the illegal things I've done on my face. After a long moment, she nods.

Immediately, I grab Ashe's hand and lead her behind a nearby pile of rocks. I can feel the girl's eyes following us.

"What does 'arrest' mean?"

Oh. No wonder she was confused.

"Ashe, being arrested means that you're taken by Officials because you did something illegal, like stealing or painting," I explain.

"So what do I do?"

I lower my voice to the point it's barely audible so that Kat can't hear. "You're from underground, yeah? You're here illegally. If you go, the Officials will realize they can't find you in the Above databases. You'll be thrown into prison until they can sort it out. And if they don't…

Her face changes as she grasps the severity of the situation.

"There have been cases when people disappear and are never seen again. It happened to my sister." I shut my eyes as Elena's face flashes through my mind.

And then Ashe is yanked away from right in front of me by a flash of black. I hear a high scream, abruptly cut off, unmistakebly familiar. Ashe!

I rush around the rocks to find her standing, very still, hands cuffed behind her back. Kat stands behind her. When she sees me, she shrugs unapologetically. "A moment passed." Ashe doesn't make a sound, her face strained, her eyes wide. Her chest rises and falls with quick, shallow breaths. When they turn to leave, I see why.

Kat gently pushes a dagger to the space between her shoulderblades, moving her forward. A dot of red blooms through the thick fabric of Ashe's hoodie.

I jog after them, veering off into a alley to follow them through the sketchier parts of the Ruins. Ashe doesn't know how things work around here, and she might get herself erased if she messes up.

I can't let that happen. Not again.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
502 Reviews


Points: 49900
Reviews: 502

Donate
Mon Jul 06, 2020 1:22 pm
View Likes
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Mornning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And this will be marking three fourths of the way done.

First Impression: Well that escalated quickly. Very quickly. The portrayal of the relationship between these two has been spot on so far. It's very realistic and very touching.

Anyway let's get right to it,

We've been walking for a while now. I take a slow sip of my cooling coffee. Ashe mirrors my movement, drinking some of her almond-milk coffee. I'd made sure to give her the vegan option; the image of Ashe with welts all over her skin is, as she had explained, not a pretty one.


Wait a minute. That order happened really fast there so it didn't seem like Kyre had time to actually request that. But then Ashe was distracted I guess so the readers wouldn't have seen.

The sky is painted pale pink and orange, interlaced with the dark blue of the night. Faint stars glimmer in the far distance. A cold wind blows from behind us and blows my hair forward. At this point, Ashe's hand is the only source of warmth I have. Images from the hallucination--or was it a memory?--flit through my mind, the haunting terror, the sharp pangs of pain, the deeper ones of loss.

Blood pouring across the ground, almost glowing with the flames reflected in it. I grip Ashe's hand tighter.


Great description there. Some really nice imagery there with those really powerful words used there.

Ashe proceeds to pull off my windbreaker. When I move to stop her, she effectively pauses me with a hard look. "It. Is. Cold. And. You. Will. Wear. This."

I sigh in defeat and let her put the jacket onto my shoulders. The colors of the sky reflect in her golden-brown eyes, reflecting specks of orange. She gently takes my half-filled cup from my hand and sets it on the ground, before drawing my arm through the sleeve. Faint nostalgia hits me at her movements and I feel a bit like a little kid. Just as she's pulling my other arm through the sleeve, another cold draft attacks us and she shivers like an autumn leaf.


Well this scene and the next are really adorable to see. Depicts their relationship really well.

"Well, look what we have here."


Well that's a classic evil villain line right there.

The girl strides over and grabs her forearm. "I'm authorized to use force to take you with me."


She doesn't even try to like show any kind of authorization or anything? Just straight up walks up and tells her to come. Doesn't sound like a great arresting procedure there.

"Kat."A simple answer. She doesn't want to reveal any information, I realize. She never even said why she needs Ashe to come with her.


Why would she even give her real name?

And then Ashe is yanked away from right in front of me by a flash of black. I hear a high scream, abruptly cut off, unmistakebly familiar. Ashe!

I rush around the rocks to find her standing, very still, hands cuffed behind her back. Kat stands behind her. When she sees me, she shrugs unapologetically. "A moment passed." Ashe doesn't make a sound, her face strained, her eyes wide. Her chest rises and falls with quick, shallow breaths. When they turn to leave, I see why.

Kat gently pushes a dagger to the space between her shoulderblades, moving her forward. A dot of red blooms through the thick fabric of Ashe's hoodie.

I jog after them, veering off into a alley to follow them through the sketchier parts of the Ruins. Ashe doesn't know how things work around here, and she might get herself erased if she messes up.

I can't let that happen. Not again.


Well that's a very dramatic ending there. Builds a lovely amount of tension right there. Amazing ending. And it looks like Kyre remembered something.

And that's it for that.

First Impression: Another great scene with no issues that I can spot. Very well done relationship between our characters and very nice little action sequence there at the end.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Miraculor77 says...


Yeah.. maybe Kat is just inexperienced? I'll have to smooth that part over in draft 2. Thanks for the review!



HarryHardy says...


Yaa..make that clearer in the story.
Your Welcome!!!



User avatar
100 Reviews


Points: 5531
Reviews: 100

Donate
Wed Nov 27, 2019 2:21 pm
WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey, again! I really like this chapter, as always! I think I'm more in suspense now than ever before. If I haven't said this before, you really have a talent with that feature. I'm anticipating where this story will go!

I love the point where Ashe is like, "What does 'arrest' mean?" She's so innocent and yet so capable. The mixture is enthralling.

Most of the issues I saw were small, and have been covered in others' reviews. Otherwise, it's all really great. Keep it up!




User avatar
417 Reviews


Points: 13161
Reviews: 417

Donate
Tue Nov 26, 2019 1:41 am
Liberty wrote a review...



Hey Mira!

I'm here for a review, so let's start before I get distracted. :P

Yeee. They're so cute, man. They're liwwle relationship's going so well and I love it so much. <3 They'd be so cute together, not even kidding.

Also, over here:

The colors of the sky reflect in her golden-brown eyes, reflecting specks of orange.


Uh, I don't think using "reflect" and "reflecting" in the same sentence is the best idea. xD

And Ashe. Gee, she suddenly went all demanding! xD You. Will. Wear. This. Jacket. Lol, she's so funny.

"Kat."


I knew it, the witch is here. But what was she doing in Ashe's flashback scene in the last chapter...?

Kat gently pushes a dagger to the space between her shoulderblades, moving her forward.


That made me suck in a sharp breath, I swear. Kat's so evil. Also, shoulder blades is two separate words. ^^

Alright, great chapter! Can't wait to see where this heads, and of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever. :) (Sorry if this is too short of a review...)

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




User avatar
209 Reviews


Points: 400
Reviews: 209

Donate
Mon Nov 25, 2019 5:08 am
EverLight wrote a review...



EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway!

First Impression
Oooooooohhhhhhhh boooyyyyy. Ashe....

Nitpicks & Grammar
All right let's get started with our review shall we?
First off something about this sentence seemed off-

The ghost of the warmth from her hand makes me realize just how cold the air really is.

Maybe it's not the best idea to use the words realize and really in that manner? I think it would sound better if you wrote it like this-
The ghost warmth from her hands makes me realize how cold the air is.

Either that or I would try to describe what the cold felt like. Was it freezing? Nipping? Biting?

Again here is another sentence I thought could be better written
I sigh in defeat and let her put the jacket onto my shoulders. The colors of the sky reflect in her golden-brown eyes, reflecting specks of orange.

Using the words reflect, and reflecting in the same sentece...that is never a good idea. Try writing it this way
The colors of the sky shimmer in her golden brown eyes, reflecting specks of orange

See the difference?

Here you may want to consider removing this comma
Some of my body heat must have transferred, because her shivering ceases.


Here I feel like something is off about this sentence

A swift punch just below the ribs, and the girl is doubled over, gasping for breath.


That would sound better if you wrote it like this-
A swift punch below the ribs and the girl doubles over gasping for breath.


Other then that I couldn't find any errors.

Style and Flow
I found no errors here

Over all you did a fantastic job!! Keep writing amazing stories my friend <33




Miraculor77 says...


Thank you! I'll go back and fix up the chapter. You could probably tell how tired I was in the chapter. I mean, using "reflect" and "reflecting" in the same sentence isn't something I would normally do. :)




Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't.
— Bill Nye