Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » General

12+

Chapter 10: Knows

by Miraculor77


Kyre's POV

"Ashe!"

My voice comes out strangled and quiet, and I try again, pushing against the darkness that's tightening around me.

"Ashe!"

"Kyre!" Her voice seems so, so far away. I follow it, trying in vain to ignore the light tap-tapping of mice that echoes throughout the tunnels. The darkness coils around me, uncertainty clouding my mind. I impatiently pull off my hoodie to feel less confined. The cold feels biting at first, but I welcome it.

"Ashe!" I call again. The darkness in front of me is unyielding, unknown things lurking behind its black cover. No matter how I widen my eyes, I can't see anything. I strain my ears to hear her answer.

"Here!"

I break into a run once I'm certain that I'm going in the right direction, feet hitting the stone in a way that hurts my shin even more. But I don't care. Soon I'm close enough to hear her breathing again, and I reach a shaking hand out, spanning the area until it hits something solid.

That solid something is Ashe's head.

I breathe a sigh of relief when she pulls my hand off of her head. When she lets go, I reach out again to hold it, the warmth giving me a much-needed sense of comfort in the stifling darkness.

We walk in silence the rest of the way, my left hand on the powdery wall, my right hand in Ashe's.

The dark doesn't seem so intimidating anymore.

*-*-*

"You probably hate me now, right?" Ashe says, craning her head back slightly to look at me before returning her focus to the isles of vegetables. "I mean, I made you go all that way, even though you have nyctophobia, and then to top it off I got lost, just for food."

I don't answer, watching curiously as she tests the firmness of a tomato in her hand. The truth is, I do think those things. A part of me resents her for it. But Boss's orders are Boss's orders, and she told me to treat Ashe's words as though they are her own. Who am I to question her?

"But I didn't do it without reason. I haven't eaten since yesterday afternoon. Food is hard to come by Below because many artists don't make a lot of money and it's difficult to ship there as most delivery bots lose their connection underground." She drops the tomato into a reusable canvas bag from the store. "It's hard."

I still don't say anything.

"I'm vegan because I'm allergic to many animal products, artificial preservatives, and food coloring. Milk, shellfish, chicken, red 40, yellow 5, and eggs, to name a few. I could stay in the same room as them, breathe air with them, but if I eat any, I'll get an allergic reaction. Hives, itchy eyes, etc. I promise I wasn't being spoiled, but I still want to say that I'm sorry."

Now I don't say anything because I don't know how to respond. She continues checking the vegetables and dropping them in the bag, humming a familiar song under her breath. Carrots, leeks, red onion, potatoes.

She moves to the fruit section, grabbing another canvas bag. Making her way through the aisle, she drops bananas, peaches, strawberries, and some other fruit into the bag. I just sort of hover behind her, keenly watching the experienced movement of her hands.

Ashe goes and picks up a small container of dried basil, then asks if I have salt at home.

"No..." My voice trails off, and she picks up a glass jar filled with white powder. Handing the jar to me, she motions toward the checkout area.

"You'll have to pay because I'm making food for everyone." She gives me a dazzling smile.

I push my hoodie sleeve up and tap to turn on my tracker. I feel Ashe's gaze on it, and a glance tells me that she is staring at my wrist. Opening the bank app that's connected to Boss's account, I swipe the tracker at the scanner to pay for the groceries.

*-*-*

When we walk home through the tunnel, Ashe doesn't let go of my hand.

*-*-*

I pull a heavy key out of the pocket of my jeans and jam it into the lock. Boss never upgraded the security here, and the mass of metal before me is the only thing keeping us outside. The lock clicks loudly, and I push the door open. Warm light filters through, and I rush inside, dragging Ashe with me.

The warmth instantly envelopes me, and I pull off my fingerless gloves to absorb the heat better. Ashe does the same, handing me the pair with a quick "thanks." I pocket them, simultaneously checking my tracker for any new messages from Boss. Nothing.

When I look up again, Ashe is gone. Again.

With a sigh, I go on yet another trip to find her.

She's standing in the kitchen, back turned to me as she chops tomatoes with a sort of careless precision. She doesn't notice my presence.

I duck through the doorless doorway and lean against a particularly tall cupboard, easing my weight off of my right leg. Ashe sweeps the tomato pieces into a bowl, and then starts with the onions, frequently pausing to wipe her eyes from the fumes.

I suck in a quick breath. At that moment she looks so much like my mother.

Ashe starts at the sound, then yelps sharply. She turns to face me, giving me a quick smile through teary eyes before holding up her hand to show a bleeding finger.

"Do you have a bandage?"

*-*-*

I'm on the table eating the tomato soup Ashe made. I'd given her a bandage earlier, and she fiddles with it now, looking very serious about something. She spoons up some soup, blowing on it impatiently before putting it in her mouth. I look away, tilting my head to the ceiling. Faint starlight catches the details of the glass above me.

The silence is stifling.

"Kyre," she says suddenly. Her tone seems certain, a current of power running under the inquisitiveness. "You know your way around a computer, right? Someone from here stole some things from my laptop, and now it won't turn on. I was wondering if you knew something about it."

Ashe stares expectantly at me, gauging my reaction. Her head is tilted slightly, almost like a bird, as though she's analyzing my face in every angle.

The blood drains from my face. I fight to keep my expression neutral, but I must have given something away because she nods to herself.

I think she knows.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
265 Reviews


Points: 15261
Reviews: 265

Donate
Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:05 pm
Liberty wrote a review...



Hey Mira!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review for RevMo, to get this out of the Green Room already and to find out what happens!

Just for your info, I'm probably just gonna do a bunch of comments, and like, some critiquing along the way if I do find anything to critique. ^^'

Let's get started, now, shall we?

Okie dokie Loki.

Oooh, this is amazing! They go through the tunnel... Dun dun duuunnn. That part really held me tight, ya know? The way Kyre held on to Ashe before they went into the tunnel.

This. Is. So. Exciting.

Okay. They got the food. Cool. Wow, she must be an expert, eh, Kyre? *nudge*

I'm on the table eating the tomato soup Ashe made.


Kyre. That's disrespectful. Why would you sit on a table. (Unless, Mira, you meant I'm sitting at the table, hehe.)

I think she knows.


...Yeah, same. I think she does. And you're not going to hear a word from her every again, so now, get lost. Please. _/\_

Lol, alright, overall, I adore this chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens to Kyre and Ashe and what Boss does. :smt023

I'm done with my review, and I hope it helped in some way or the other. Of course,if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




User avatar
247 Reviews


Points: 10870
Reviews: 247

Donate
Wed Sep 11, 2019 6:05 pm
View Likes
mellifera wrote a review...



Hey Miraculor77! I'll be dropping by for a review today :D

I haven't read any previous chapters, so if I comment on anything that I would have not had I done so, please feel free to ignore me!


The cold feels biting at first, but I welcome it.


This line is actually telling! Generally, the use of "feels/felt/feeling" is a direct tell instead of show. How? You're telling us what the character is feeling, rather than how they're feeling. It's harder to connect to a character when you have that kind of vague "this character was feeling this". Instead, this could be "The cold bites at my skin, but I welcome the relief of fresh air". It could also be "The cold is biting at first", because then you're showing how it's affecting your character rather than telling about it.
This is more useful when going back for line edits, and I'm sure not all helpful right now, but I figured I'd let you know because I caught it :)


I'm absolutely loving your descriptions. I'm a sucker for rich description like this. Yours is like, the perfect balance of short but beautiful. You fit it in very well into the story without overwhelming (I like overwhelming - at times - but I also am really enjoying your writing style here).


I strain my ears to hear her answer.


You don't really need "to hear her answer". Just based on context, we know that the MC is listening for Ashe, because nothing else has been presented (besides the mice, but I think it's pretty easy to assume MC is not listening for mice) as something to listen for.


I feel like Kyre and Ashe's reunion is a little short? It's sweet and warming, don't get me wrong, but they seem to have been pretty desperate to get back to each other. But then they say nothing? I know Kyre grabs her hand, but it seems like they do this, and then immediately set off without taking any time to truly reunite. Does that make sense? Of course, it might not have been as frantic because I don't know how they got into this situation, but it read like that to me.


She drops the tomato into a reusable canvas bag from the store. It's hard."


Did you meant to put quotations marks in front of "It's hard."?

and food coloring.


wow same Ashe. I actually don't think I've ever read a character that was allergic to food coloring before??

I just sort of hover behind her


I'm supremely guilty of this as well, but using "just" and "sort of" is padding your writing. It's not actually having the effect you want it to have (I usually use it to minimise the effect of what I'm saying, or make it seem like my characters are doing something less "monumental" than just a normal action. Which is a... rather dramatic way to explain it). Don't curb what you're saying! "I hover behind her" gets across what Kyre is doing in less words.

"No..." My voice trails off,


This is another example of repeating what you're already showing (like before with the "straining to hear her"). The ellipsis shows us that Kyre trails off. You don't have to then tell us that Kyre trails off.

When we walk home through the tunnel, Ashe doesn't let go of my hand.


Instead of having so many scene transitions, this could be easily incorporated with the last scene. I would put in a little transition (like, "We collected our belongings. On the walk home through the tunnel, Ashe doesn't let go of my hand"), but otherwise, you don't need a whole scene change for one line.


This may be because I'm coming in on just this chapter, but the first transition (from the tunnels to the... market? I'm still not sure, you don't describe it or what's going on) confused me. It went from a somewhat frantic feeling reunion, to casually... shopping for groceries? But you don't explain where they are, and we only learn they're shopping for groceries further ahead. I also wish Kyre's frustration with Ashe was shown before she mentions it, because right now, Kyre feels like they only get angry after Ashe says something (and then, once mentioned, it feels forced).


the doorless doorway


o.O

(perhaps "the archway" or simply, "I duck into the kitchen" because, if Kyre can see Ashe, they obviously aren't looking through a door)

I'm on the table eating the tomato soup Ashe made.


I laughed, but I'm not sure this is what you meant? Kyre is on the table?

Faint starlight catches the details of the glass above me.


Yessss I love this (also huge sucker for descriptions of STARS. I'm weak for stuff like this ahhh).



I really enjoyed reading this! I'm glad this is the piece I choose to review today, it was a real treat <3 I might go back and read more of it? I can't promise anything with my schedule and with LMS coming up, but I'm intrigued by this! Less by the story, to be honest with you, because not much happens in this chapter, I'm actually pretty taken by the characters and how you've written them.

I think there could have been more description in the market scene, and clarifying a little more about what's going on, but otherwise I think you've done a pretty good job at it (the house isn't described either, but I'm going to assume that's because you done so before).


That's all I have for you today! If you have any comments or questions about anything I said, please let me know! :)

I hope you have a wonderful day, and Happy RevMo!

Image





It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.
— W. Edwards Deming