Ashe's POV
We step out of the store. I pull my new scarf around my neck, relishing the feel of the soft material.
A bag swings from Kyre's hand, a strange metallic object held inside. When I'd asked him what it was, he told me it was "just another one of Boss's things." He hasn't said much since what happened in the tunnel, but I don't push it. I'm worried about him, but he'll open up when he feels comfortable. And I haven't known him for more than two days.
I'm nearly a stranger.
Though there is the question of our past: Everything about Kyre is familiar, from his name to the way he runs his hand through his hair when he's frustrated. But I'm sure I didn't know him before. How could I, if I have no memory of it?
My breath fogs the air in front of my mouth, and I shiver slightly as the cold threads through the fabric of my hoodie. Next to me, Kyre has his windbreaker open, the slippery-looking sleeves somehow rolled up to his elbows, his tattoo on full display. How is he not cold? It must be like thirty degrees out here. I poke the watery ice that fills the cracks in the cement with my toe.
The wind does not spare me, and soon my hair is all over my face. I pull my hands out from my pockets to pull it back and regret it immediately. The cold attacks them and leeches away their warmth. I hastily shove them back into my pockets, but no avail. My fingers still feel like shards of ice worked their way inside.
Suddenly, I feel something warm draped over my shoulders. I glance up in shock. Kyre is standing in front of me, white shirt blowing gently in the wind. He gave me his windbreaker. My eyes widen in surprise.
"You looked cold." His voice is friendly, not as strained as it had been before.
"B-but now you'll freeze! Because of me!" I exclaim, starting to pull the jacket off. He immediately stops me, lightly catching my wrists with both hands. His hands feel very warm.
"I'm used to the cold. You, on the other hand, are not." His lips twitch up in a small smile. "I'll be alright."
I pull a hand free and point at the ice on the ground. "You see this? You'll end up frozen if you don't wear a jacket." I may sound like an overprotective mother, but I'm not letting Kyre--the person I trust the most here--freeze. Possibly to death.
With a hard tap from his foot, Kyre cracks the ice. "See? Just water underneath. The temperature isn't freezing right now." He glances at me, his gray eyes glimmering in the light like pieces of quartz. "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I blink repeatedly, then belatedly realizing that he won't take the windbreaker back, I pull my arms through the sleeves. The light gray jacket is big on me, the bottom edge falling mid-thigh. My hands are covered by the sleeves.
Kyre takes my left wrist and tugs gently. "Come on, there's this place I want to show you. It's not too far, and it has the best coffee around."
Coffee?
*-*-*
The moment I step through the door, warmth engulfs me. I hear the sound of wind chimes, and I glance up to see them hanging right by the door, jangling merrily. A scent fills the air, rich, deep, and familiar. I ponder it for a moment before I realize that I can smell it on Kyre's windbreaker. A strange assortment of lamps hangs from the ceiling, offering a warm glow.
If I had to pick, the most interesting thing here would be the far wall. There is a counter on the far side, the wall behind it lined with machines, a gentle whirring sound emitting from them. I see some people moving, holding cups under some of the machines and waiting as liquids of all sorts pour out. Dark, steaming, liquids; caramel-colored frothy ones; even a bright pink one that looks thick enough to be solid. They all wear the same clothes, a loose burnt-orange shirt and black pants, everything tied back with a black apron.
The woman holding the pink glass sticks a spoon and straw into it. Much to my surprise, she hands it to a young girl, who impatiently holds out her left wrist. The woman raises her eyebrows and scans her wrist to make the payment. The scanner beeps, and she yanks it away, her eyes wide with shock. The girl ignores her, delicately picking up the spoon with many-ringed fingers. A silver pendant of a broken heart hangs from a chain at her neck.
"Kyre! Welcome back!" The woman's face breaks into a relieved smile, and she waves us over. Kyre pulls me forward, his hand still over mine. The girl glances at us with startling violet eyes framed with heavy make-up, disdain printed plainly on her features.
Up close, the woman's features are vaguely familiar, as though I'd seen them in a dream. Friendly brown eyes, a sprinkle of freckles across her nose and cheeks, wispy hair that floats around her head, pulled back by a dark blue headband. A brief image flashes through my mind's eye:
A girl with the same wispy hair, same warm brown eyes. Her face is slightly narrower, her eyes wide with the happiness of childhood. The freckles on her face are more pronounced though, and her skin is pale, as though she hadn't been in direct sunlight for a long while. The paint stains on her hands stand out. I can make out another figure next to her, one I recognize immediately.
It's me.
This version of me looks younger, without any streaks of color in her hair. She's gesturing widely with her right hand, a metallic silver stylus held between her fingers. With the other hand, she holds a tablet close to her body, the slim device covered with a fuzzy maroon case. I recognize that case. It's the one I use now.
The two girls chat animatedly, obviously finding delight in one thing they have in common: art. I watch, a strange pang of longing going through me before the image vanishes.
I stare at the wall behind the woman disconcertedly, blinking multiple times. Her voice filters into my ears in pieces and my attention snaps toward her. "Dear... you... okay?"
I make myself nod, tears pricking the backs of my eyes. Why do I feel so sad? Looking dissatisfied--apparently, my answer isn't convincing enough--the woman asks Kyre something. I don't hear it.
Kyre notices the shift in my mood and pulls me into his side, arm wrapping securely around my shoulders. He looks down at me for a moment, his face a mixture of confusion and concern, before replying to the woman. "This is Ashe. She's staying over for a while." I glance at him, surprised. I thought that I'd be leaving soon, seeing that I had already gotten my art back.
I like the Above and all, and the very thought of going back down that staircase makes me feel tired, but I need to go back sometime.
Kyre chats some more, then orders two cups of something. The woman nods, smiles, and presses three different buttons. I notice that they are more worn than the other ones, which means that whatever Kyre is ordering must be a favorite drink around here. Dark brown liquid pours down, the heavenly scent now more prominent in the air. She adds some sugar and pours some white liquid into the dark, stirring until the color is light brown. After scribbling an "A" onto it, she slides it toward me.
My fingers curl around the warm cup, and I smile slightly. The steam rises into my face; the warmth is extremely welcoming after the cold outside. Kyre takes his cup and taps his watch a few times before holding it out. The woman scans it, gives us a gentle smile, and waves us away, pointing at the short line behind us.
I can feel the girl's hard stare on me as we walk out, black-painted fingernails paused on the spoon's handle. A pair of handcuffs hang from a belt at her hip, their color strangely silver in the warm light. A chill runs down my neck and Kyre, as though feeling her eyes, reaches his hand out to hold mine under the sleeve.
Something about the girl--perhaps the hardness of her stare, maybe even the confident, yet relaxed way she stands--makes me feel that I'll be seeing her very soon, and not in a good way.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Chapter 15: CaughtPoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And we march on towards the end.
First Impression: Well that was quick. I'm guessing wherever this inquisition is, it's pretty close by or maybe the transport is just that good.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Wonder when she's going to actually ask him about it.
Wait earlier he didn't appear so comfortable in the cold. Why the sudden change now?
And his hands are suddenly warm when it was cold all those other times. Interesting.
Well so far from what we can see besides ordering him around and giving him chores Boss seems like she's giving him plenty of freedom and not treating him particularly unkindly. From this I think I have to conclude that Boss is at heart at least a decent person if not a nice person.
Some great descriptions there.
Well that girl is now extremely interesting. From her comments in the earlier chapter to her appearance in Ashe's flashback she bears watching in the future chapters.
Yeah good point there. Why would Kyre just assume that she'll stay longer now that she has done what she set out to do?
Well that's some neat foreshadowing. Almost too on the nose there, making it very obvious that she is the girl that was mentioned earlier.
And that's it.
Overall: A couple of simple nitpicks but besides that nothing else wrong that I can spot. The plot appears to be ready to take a little turn soon. The relationship between these two continues to develop well.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Yeah Boss is a good person; she should get more appearances in the story.
Thanks for the review!
Your Welcome!!
Yaay Boss is good!! I kinda liked her character and the kindness she shows.
And yaa she should show up a bit more.
Don't exactly have a review now because there's not much to point out. It was a job well done.
I'm onto the next chapter.
Thank you!
For sure!
EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway!
First Impression
Awesome job as usual. Keep writing! <33
Nitpicks and Grammar
I could only find one punctuation error here-
You may want to consider removing that comma.
Style & Flow
Just watch your tense, and I think you'll be fine here.
EverLight Out
Thanks for the review!
Where did I switch tenses? I looked through it but couldn't find anything.
You're welcome
I must have imagined the tense switch then. My bad. My minds just been everywhere today ):
Oh. Is life okay? You can PM me if you want.
Life has been a little...crazy. But I'd rather not talk about it right now.
Alright. I hope it gets better.
Thank you
I'll give this a full review later, right now I need to get to bed.
Hey, there! You mentioned that this was out a while ago, and I've just now gotten to reviewing it, so sorry for the delay.
Once again, it is very well written and captivating. Your use of punctuation is usually very on-target, which I really appreciate. Your vocabulary and choice of words are excellent as well.
Probably my favorite part of this chapter is how you describe a coffee shop from the perspective of someone who has no clue what it is. You did well with this scene. Considering that we all know what coffee shops are like, you described it really well from an outsider type of perspective. A lot of sensory details give it color and clarify the common things that we take for granted because we are familiar with them.
I love the way you include a feeling of something unknown and mysterious in, like, every chapter. The girl with the cold glare is very intriguing. I'm looking forward to learning more about what revolves around this character. Also, I was particularly intrigued by this part:
"The woman raises her eyebrows and scans her wrist to make the payment. The scanner beeps, and she yanks it away, her eyes wide with shock. The girl ignores her. . . ."
This makes me wonder if this girl has some kind of shocking ability or something. What did she do to the woman with the scanner to make her yank it away? This person is definitely enshrouded in the cloak of the unknown. You do really great writing this suspense feature.
Well, those are the main comments I have for this chapter. Wonderful work! Keep it up!
If you've been keeping up with the previous chapters, you'll recognize the girl soon enough.
Because you actually read the story, and probably have some thoughts about it, I have some questions for you. What do you think about the pacing? It's been around two days since the story started, and we're already 14 chapters in. I feel like I'm making time too... stretchy for it to be realistic. Should time pass faster, or should I continue pacing it the way I've been doing so?
Oh, and thanks for the review!
No problem! I love reading and reviewing your work.
About the pacing of your story, I think you're doing fine. It is not going to slow. The chapters are relatively short, so it doesn't feel like it's dragging on forever.
Oh alright. If you don't mind me asking (again
), should I combine the first two chapters of the book in draft two? The first chapter is Ashe freaking out over her laptop and the second chapter is an introduction to Kyre and the world. The second chapter also just says a bunch of stuff about the world that I can show over the chapters instead of dumping it on the reader like that. I feel that if I combine them, the story will flow a bit better. What do you think?
I personally like them as separate chapters.
Ah okay. I'll see what I can do. Thanks for your input!
Hi! Oliver/Alex/Vomit here to review!
This was very very nice to read! The descriptions are beautiful and breathtaking, and I love the budding romance between Kyre and Ashe. Everything seems normal - dialogue is realistic and even sweet.
I don't really have any complaints about this, honestly. The tense stays consistent throughout the chapter, the characterization stays the same, and everything is just on point.
You did a really really great job with this!
Hope to see you around,
- Alex