This is a song I wrote quite a while ago. I'm not really sure why I decided to post it, maybe I just wanted to share it with you. I don't know. But anywho...
Verse I:
I wonder how much time it’ll take
For you to notice me,
I think of all those moments
Where I thought that we could be,
Your smile always blinds my way
And there’s nothing that I can say
Chorus:
Because you have me speechless,
Breathless
I never wanna look at you
Coz’ boy I know I’ll stare,
You have me fearless,
Careless,
I try my best not to look a fool
But truth is you don’t care.
Verse II:
I’m not like all the other girls,
Yes, I know it’s true,
But boy, I am not so strange
Believe me, will you?
When I see you I stumble,
When I talk, I mumble
--Chorus--
Just like Cinderella,
If I run, take my shoe,
And like for Snow White,
The birds will take this song to you.
Here I send you my echo:
Boy, I love you and now you know.
Chorus:
Because you have me speechless,
Breathless,
I never wanna look at you
Coz’ boy I know I’ll stare,
You have me fearless,
Careless,
I try my best not to look a fool
But truth is you don’t care.
Baby tell me you care
Do you care?
Do you care?
Do you care…?
I try my best to not look a fool,
But truth is…you don’t care.
--END--
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,609 Literary Works • 672,052 Reviews
You have no friggin idea how much I like this song... Its so good and so nicely written. And, oh the metaphors... I love it.
Good job.
Keep writing.
And, I wanna hear thiis song on the radio.
Dude!!
Christina!
I LOVE THIS!!!
'Just like Cinderella,If I run, take my shoe,And like for Snow White,The birds will take this song to you.Here I send you my echo: Boy, I love you and now you know.'
That is such a great verse!! Good job!!!
I agree!!
hiyya LooneyPandaxx here!!!
P) B)
i really liked your song i thought it had quite a lot of feeling in it and this might be good as song ideas for the future! i LOVED it!!! xx
Like it, but I feel like there were places where the rhythm was messed up. Of course, I was reading it as a poem, not a song, and I am not at all musical. So, with the actual music and all, I think this would be great. Didn't find any nitpicks, and although this felt shallow to me, songs aren't really supposed to be super deep. So, I just wasted your time by writing a whole bunch when really all I could say is, this was good.
So, excuse my words, I am just a writer after all.
Truley fantastic, in my opinion anyway. I only wish that I could actually hear it being sung. I think that it will really speak to alot of young girls, especially at high school where falling in love is like a battlefield, thank you for sharing it with us. Please continue writing thing like this (I dont mean to sound pushy).
I love this song!!!!! It is great! It is easy to relate to! I feel like I understand what you are going through. There are some things that could be improved upon. For example I feel like the verses should be closer to the same size. Also I wish I could hear the song itself, even though I know that's not your fault.; )
Overall though it was a really good song and I feel like you could have a future in song writing.
I hoped that I helped you in some way!!!!!
I <3 your skizzills (skills)!! lol!!
-AmAmericanTeenager <3