At first this was meant to be a poem but I thought I’d turn it into a song because it had a sort of catchy rhythm. Enjoy!
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Hi, Mikko!
I loved your piece here. I can tell that you switched it a bit from poetry to lyrics. Whether that's good or bad, I've no idea! There were some weird rhythms in there that, while reading, didn't rhythmically work. However, these things can change drastically when put to music, so nothing to really worry about unless you noticed it too!
By the way, did you come up with music for this?
I also saw how you liked to repeat verses. That can sometimes get annoying, but other times, it's extremely effective. In this case, it would be amazing if one of the verses was sung with a quiet effect and the other as a boomy/loud one. It would be neat to see contrast between meek humans and powerful giants.
So, I didn't think of celebrities at this bit! I know that's probably what you meant, and it's more likely a good thing that it didn't tell us straight out it's about celebrities. It makes it a more general metaphor that can be used in more than one place. With me, I was thinking of some alien race or gods, most likely. (The entire time, I tried to avoid thinking of the baseball team, but I'll admit. I thought of the baseball team.)
I'm not sure I liked the "simple human race" bit though since that implied it wasn't human. Most certianly, it is a metaphor. With lyrics, unless the whole song is stuffed full of metaphor, it can be taken literally. Maybe the same goes for poetry? I wouldn't say it is. However, I was thinking of Jack and the Beanstalk giant until I hit that line, then I redirected my senses to an entirely different idea.
Loved this. An excellent way to start your end of the song. It clears your point of the piece, and sets up for a dramatic finish to the song. Awesomeness! The chorus you play after this? It'd be neat if you ever-so-slightly edited it so as to make a more logical ending to what we have. Like a conclusion in an essay? It reflects the introduction, but nooot quite since its wrapping things up. Just maybe a couple words or so. Hopefully that made sense to you. xD If not, don't worry about it 'cause it's no big deal!
Great job with this though. Hopefully, it fits will with the music you chose. Turning a poem into a song isn't all that easy as one would think it is. There's still a structure and a style for lyrics that poetry doesn't usually have. Kudos for taking on the challenge!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Hi there!
Useless praise alert.
I loved this!! I just loved it!! The chorus was amazing! This would make a really good song. You portrayed how you felt about the giants so well, it was really nice. Loved it!
Hey! I like this! I like how you weren't completely clear about who you were talking about but I still got what you were saying. You might laugh, but this almost reminded me of Grecian mytical stories about gods and humans.
I don't know why, but it reminded me of the Greek gods, living in the clouds and watching the human race. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it has something to do with the fact that i just watched Clash of the Titans. Oh well.
Great work!
This was pretty good. I'm all very new to lyric critiquing so I won't harp on. I was wondering, however, why change it from a poem to a song? or is this a lyrical poem? I think this would probably work better as a poem, for me poetry lends itself to critical attention in a way that lyrics do not. Poetry, in a way, has rules and is respected as a literary art much more so than lyrics. Lyrics for me require musical accompaniment to provide context. That been said, I can still say this is very good. I would prefer to see it in poetry form however and the subject matter isn't necessarily unique but you have done well to convey your feelings. Well done with this! Overall relatively enjoyable.
hi there,two things to say:let me start off by saying i liked how this was going to be a poem but decided to turnit into lyrics because as i read it, it did have the sense of a poem.second i liked how you expressed some parts and how you were being straight forward.kind of lost on a little bit of the meaning but maybe that's just me.nice job though!