LOVED IT. And the image of the petals in the wind, SO BEAUTIFUL.
Far beyond the mountain tops,
across oceans of lies,
there where blood of the pure drops,
you can hear her soundless cries.
There is no humanity
in this populated place,
but for your health and sanity
you long to see her radiant face.
(Bridge)
You try to break away,
they’re forcing you to stay ;
not safe, not sound –
forever apart.
(Chorus)
You’re like two petals in the wind :
so feeble and so thin,
free to fly around
but they just want you down,
not safe, not sound –
forever apart.
Far beyond erupting volcanoes,
across seas of wrath and war,
you can hear his silent echoes –
words you don’t know anymore.
Eyes are open, mind is blind
for only love helped you to see
all the truths you’ll never find –
hidden, locked, lost the key.
(Bridge)
You try to break away,
they’re forcing you to stay ;
not safe, not sound –
forever apart.
(Chorus) x2
You’re like two petals in the wind:
so feeble and so thin,
free to fly around
but they just want you down,
not safe, not sound –
forever apart.
They just want you down,
not safe, not sound.
My God.
This. Is. Freaking. Amazing.
Girl, just go look at Vat's post. It says it all.
Hey, Mikster!
This is definitely a beautifully-done piece of work. You should certainly be proud of it! And you're totes right -- those third and fourth verses are really awesome. I definitely liked those. Overall, the flow was very well done and the imagery was just astounding.
If I were to pick out anything, I'd probably mention the first and second verses felt a little weird to me. The flow got a bit choppy, especially in the second verse. The picture itself seemed a bit weird to me. Crawling into a den of sins, if you will, to see something radiant -- and that something not being treated well. At least, that's the impression I got, which seemed a little weird to me.
But I honestly don't have much else to pick at. It's all so very beautiful. I wish I could be of more use! I really love how the song ended, a drawback to the chorus. Lovely chorus, by the way.
Thanks for letting me know about this. It's a wonderful piece! Fantastic job. 
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
I loved this one. Definitely would enjoy to hear this in song. So many metaphors but understood completely what it was about.
Far beyond erupting volcanoes,
across seas of wrath and war,
you can hear his silent echoes –
words you don’t know anymore.
That was my favorite, flowed so great, and i can vividly picture it in my head.
I see great potential, good luck!
112,913 Literary Works • 606,553 Reviews
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