Young Writers Society

I really liked this. It's something I can really relate to. I really enjoyed the chorus. I really like the line, "I am less and less alive." It really shows the emotion in the lyric. I really felt this. Even though it doesn't go into a lot of background, or what's happened to this person or the person he longs for, it is still really powerful.

Hi, I enjoyed reading this. It's beautiful, emotions are well shown in it. It's easy to feel all you felt when writing it.
Keep writing, it's great.

BEAUTIFUL! I really liked it!
Keep Writing!

for me, the ending was a tad anti-climactic because the mood of the poem was rather intense but then the intensity gradually decreased. but at the same time, it worked because the last line with the "..." was almost "soft" if you will. also, this is one of the best poems i've read in a while.

you live and breathe music, don't you?

your lines are tainted with it, from the structure (repeating certain verses - it makes it catchy and melodic, through repetition and symmetry) to the wordplay (I particularly enjoyed the first three lines - passes / glass is - that's my kind of rhyme), and I mean it in the best way possible.

get somebody to sing it for you, I think you'd make a great ghost writer.
you don't think popular singers like Rihanna writes her own songs, do you?

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http://uncreiontocit.tumblr.com

This is quite amazing, I agree with previous comment, you have written this is so great that i think music would be good with it. Considering the trash people call music these days these lyrics would be epic. I like how it was never happy to begin with but by the end the tragedy really kicks in. I mean, there really is no hope and it gives that pleasure full sorrow feeling. Like you know when you watch titanic and think how beautifully sad it is.
I also want to bring up another previous comment about it almost being a story. I am very glad that you did not give too many details. Because at this rate there is no specific to what happened to his lover, if it is a lover, but we know that he or she is gone and that he or she is suffering from it. That really is a good place to draw the line. Because you haven't given much details this makes each reader capable of interpreting the poem in the way they see fit which is great.
well done

Ok, this is simply amazing!! ^u^
I love how it implies a story, but doesn't go into so much detail that a listener couldn't really connect to it ^^ Trust me, any listener could totally connect with this ^u^
I see no mistakes with grammer or spelling, and the flow of it's amazing ^u^
I love this part the best;

" You told me to stay strong,
you said that I’d be fine
but darling, it’s been far too long
it’s been far too long..."

I really want to hear this to music ^u^ It would be epic ^u^

wow i can feel pain in this one i write lyrics too but mine are nowhere near as good. i like the way you set ththe lines up. it fits togethwer really well. the way you express your feelings in this is great i wish there was music with it cause i would love to hear it. keep writing please you are really good