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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Mikster! <333
Teehee. It's hard to force yourself to write anything, which I'm sure you know very well. It takes practice to write something happy, and even then, it's in our nature to throw in something... well, not happy.
At one point, I found that everything that I was writing was a bit horrific for my tastes, and one day, I said, "Uh, no. This is how we're going to do it." So I pulled up YWS' old story generator (Remember that bad boy?), found a goofy prompt (well, they were all goofy), and made it as insanely awesome as possible.
Then I read it, and I was like, "lol, what is this. This is worse than my depressing stories." So I tried again. I would try writing something that interested me or a fun piece that sounded strangely a lot like a Disney flick. Before I knew it, I was learning how to write something that encouraged happy thoughts.
So practice!
In the meantime, this song specifically is good. It's simple, and it's probably one of the best simple ones I've read in a long while. The verses are just so... simple. XD Yet the vocabulary, the phrases you used, the rhyming.... It all just flowed very nicely together. It was kind of awesome!
The chorus was actually what I had the most trouble with. Namely, line four felt forced. I didn't feel like anyone was being hurried at all, so I didn't get it.
I reeeally liked stanza three. or four. the, uh. The one with the night rider. And the sirens. Yeah! I liked that one.
Lines three and four here felt weird to me. I didn't get what it was saying, and it felt out of place.
This song was okay! I've seen better from you, but this isn't certainly the worst. I left this song without really feeling anything. I'm not sure what that tells you. Perhaps this song just isn't my forte like a lot of your others. xD I'm wondering if maybe I just didn't feel any sympathy for the speaker or the person they're speaking to. Perhaps I'm missing the story or the point completely. I don't know! Food for thought, though.
I look forward to more of your work!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Spoiler
Hey there I agree somewhat with the comments beneath my own. I really like this though.Ii don't see a problem with it being sad(all or most of the clippings of songs that I write or have written are depressing and sad too). I managed to find a a really good tune and beat for this song and will be singing the chorus today for sure!!I don;t know what it is really meant to sound like but I think it would do good in a high octave with a strange key sang pretty fast and breathless tot give the image or feeling of being desperate and having to get your feelings out to the person.The only kind of strange thing that I found was that (with the way I was singing it in my head) is that the first set of verses seems to have a set pattern of beats whereas the second set of verses might need a slightly different tune to fit the beats in. This is just my thought on it though from what I can tell.Maybe it is meant to be this way? I hope that some of this can help you as I really like this song and hope to hear it sometime!!
I agree with MillarS. Also, I like how the song wasn't just 100 percent negative feelings. There was awareness about your situation. You KNOW you need to improve it. At least, that's the way I interpreted it haha!
These are really amazing lyrics and are like Trading Yesterday lyrics bit. They can mean so much to the person who wrote it and to the person it's aimed at. Some of the best songs aren't happy ones. The story isn't disappointing, it's actually very good!
Keep writing!
~M.S