There once was a weary king,
Who never really did a thing.
One day he roared,
“Good God I'm bored!”
And made the servant bell ring.
-
Over sea and under stone,
Men sent by the throne,
To look up and down,
For a comical clown,
To tickle the king's funny bone.
-
At long last they found,
Three lads who were bound,
To make the king dance,
Like ants in his pants,
And turn upside his frown.
-
Back to the King, galloped the three,
Arriving there just in time for tea.
When the king laid his eyes,
On those three goofy guys,
He said, “Pray that I laugh at thee.”
-
None of the three wanted to choke,
Time was needed to practice the joke
If the King wasn't stricken,
Heads would roll like chicken's
Funny men didn't deserve to croak.
-
The first jester’s name was Lou,
He did what he was told to do.
As for Sir Lazy,
He was too hazy.
And Sir Does-Squat-A-Lot did squat all the day through!
-
When the king saw Lou’s act he cheered, “Hooray!”
And became a chuckling child at play.
The other acts were a bore,
But no heads did he gore,
It was simply less messy that way.
-
They were given a second chance,
To tickle his majesty’s fance.
Poor Lou was so blue,
For he had to redo,
What he had already done in advance.
-
The two skits that were once dull as slate,
His majesty found refreshing and great.
Lou’s jests were old,
Like garden mold.
To the guillotine, he was sent to wait.
-
The king was a savage and gave Lou a scare,
For his life, Lou knew, was not one he would spare.
He was dragged out by soldiers,
Head cut from his shoulders.
The hard way some learn that life is not fair.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
It started out in a wonderful way, but it began going down hill. The rhymes seemed to become more and more forced as the poem went on.
There are a couple stanzas that should be revised, and edited, simply because they don't sound right.
Other than that, it was a very funny poem! I enjoyed the humor you brought to the table, and hope to see more works like this in the future!
Good Luck To You!
Well that turned dark quickly.
Hey Margo! I'm back for more amazing poetry!
Nitpicks!
I'm not sure I like what's in bold. "A thing"? What do you mean with this?
It seems vague...why not make it more specific by switching it with "anything" It still rhymes and has the same amount of syllables, (kind of) XD Or you could take out "really" if you were to do that
Be careful with line length here. I notice you start off with shorter lines, and then with ech stanza your lines grow longer. Is this intentional? Just wondering
Take out the apostrophe
This line was funny, but it was bit of a mouth full XD I'm not sure how you could fix this, but I'm just letting you know it didn't flow as well as the rest of the stanza, as it was a mouth full. (but maybe it's just me)
This line is a little odd, and read weird in my head.
The hard way to learn that life is not fair. This line makes more sense, because "some learn" is a little odd. But this is only a suggestion.
Wow! This was an interesting piece. I do think it could be a little more specific, as your rhyming is great, but some lines are vague. Also the line length part was a little iffy to me, but if it was intentional, perhaps you could clarify. It isn't a huge issue, and it certainly doesn't take away from the poem Well done, Margo! You have done it yet again >.<
This poem is meant to be read with a bit of a beat to it. I took creative license with the Sir-does-squat-a-lot line. I know, I broke all the poetry rules. The line 'Heads would roll like chicken's' is correct. I was saying their heads would roll like a chicken's head rolls. I suppose chickens' maybe more correct. The flow is a bit off, I'll admit. I've been trying to figure out how to fix this and keep the syntax. It's a work in progress. Thank for your review as always.
Totally understandable.
Thanks for all of those clarifications. Keep up the good work!
Hello MargoSeuss!
This was funny, and not at the same time. Life is like that, truly. Second poem by you I've seen, and they're both really good. I could find no error in it's form, or anything else for that matter. Congratulations. I may read the rest of your poems.
~Kelpies.
I'm going to come out at say that I'm not too advanced in poetry, so apologies if I criticize any choices you made for poetic reasons I don't understand. I do tend to enjoy rhyming poems though, and yours was no different. It reminds me of a Roald Dahl poem, actually, mainly because of its "childish" theme having a dark ending.
To continue into the nitpicking, I feel like some stanzas flowed much better than others. Again, this could just be my inexperience with poetry, but I think it's still worth mentioning.
In the third stanza, the line "and turn upside his frown" seems a little out of place, probably because "frown" doesn't quite rhyme with "bound" and "found". Also, the whole sixth stanza seems a bit messy to me, especially the last line about squatting, which I had trouble saying out loud. It's almost like a tongue-twister!
All in all, I liked the poem and found it very entertaining.
This is a really good poem that seems well thought out. I do have one thing that I don't really like; "Heads would roll like chicken" it doesn't fit with the previous line. That really stuck out like a sore thumb, but that may just be me. I do think, however, that you are really good rhyming and it seems that you have a talent for it. I do hope to see more of your works.