Big fat chocolate things,
Gummy licorice strings.
Artificial or not,
This sugar’s hot, hot, hot!
-
Tiny apples for lunching,
Aren’t worth my crunching.
Don’t put that crap in my bag;
Don’t make my Halloweenie gag!
-
Something big and sweet to suck;
A pouch of wrapped golden bucks.
Put on a costume; paint your face,
I’ll let you scare me into space.
-
Cause my Halloweenie don’t…
My Halloweenie don’t…
My Halloweenie don’t want tricks unless you got treats, Sweets!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
This just made my day.
Hi!
Man this is great. I love it. I cannot stop laughing at this brilliant parody of Anaconda. I knew it was going to be a parody of it from just the title. This really sums up Halloween and it is just great. I'll be smiling all day because of this. So just keep doing what you do! Can't wait to see more of your work!
Stay awesome!
Valerie
This is great XD
I'm cracking up. I can't leave a review right now, sorry. I'm laughing too hard.
Margo you never cease to amaze me with every humorous poem you post.
You're just that amazing
This is too perfect omfg Margo
Margo, I love this. I loved it so much I decided to do this. Sorry if I added a few things, such as the first stanza. Anyways, great job, you manage to put out some gems. This is very cringe worthy
http://vocaroo.com/i/s00oNsoMKzik
Hilarious.
Best voice recording ever.
That was really funny
Well done.
Same here ^^ I loved it!
Hey, Margo. I'm Nonny and I'm here to review your humerous peice, My Halloweenie Don't. It took me a few minutes to realize that you were writing a play on Anaconda and once I did, everything else sort of fell into place with the poem itself.
1st verse: In this first verse, you only have a few punctuation marks. I think that it would benefit from having more in there such as:
Big fat chocolate things[,]
Gummy liquorish [Liquorice] strings[.]
Artificial or not,
this sugar’s hot, hot, hot
You also spelled Liquorice wrong.
Other then that, I agree with the review by TheShauzer where they write that the last two lines don't really work.
2nd verse: I can't find anything wrong with this verse.
3rd verse:
Something big and sweet to suck;
A pouch of wrapped golden bucks[.]
Put on a costume; paint your face
I’ll let you scare me into space
I also think that with using the [;], the next line is supposed to be a list or mention of things big and sweet to suck. The pouch of golden bucks are those chocolate coins, I'm assuming. Those, in my opinion, aren't big nor sweet but rather chocolaty. Suckers and things like that are more big and sweet.
4th verse: This ending was hilarious and I have no complaints.
Overall: I have nothing else to say about the poem other then the punctuation issue on occasions and the other small opinions. I love play on words as well as parody's of songs and this did the trick.
Keep writing!
- Nonny
A semi colon combines two separate thoughts. A colon indicates a list. Thanks for you review. I'll make the other corrections.
Ah, gotcha. I'm not all that awesome with punctuation which is why I generally try to write that if I make a suggestion that doesn't make sense, to ignore it
I forgot, in this case.
S'all good. You gave me some solid advice. I appreciate it.
Really cute and sweet but after spending time with bros immediately expect the most dirty joke possible when I read halloweenie
Way to go
Me too
Hey Margo
Nice to see some funny poetry on YWS, in my opinion the usual material is very morbid and it was fun seeing an exception! What's a halloweenie? Um... I think the poem might have made a bit more sense if I knew but I still enjoyed! The wording was nice, I liked every stanza but the first. The opening stanza should catch a reader's attention, just like the first page of a book. The last two lines of yours flattens my faith in the poem.
"Artificial or not,
This sugar's hot, hot, hot"
This just doesn't work and I think it should be taken out immediately. To be honest, I liked everything else in the poem - from the second verse onwards I can't ~find any mistakes at least any that stand out.
I thought this was a decent poem, and I enjoyed the wordplay with Anconda
Keep writing, I know this review wasn't of great help but I hope I offered something!
Yours in ink,
TS.
A halloweenie is the same thing as an anaconda.
Really? I've never heard it before :')
Hello,
As now this is cute.