Orphan Sky

i liked your poem very much

Hello, Margo!

First of all, your imagery is lovely. I love the way you put words together to make me think in new ways.

That being said, it's missing something. Not imagery, obviously, but subject, I feel. While everything is good and beautiful, what is it about? A celestial girl that leaves someone while the narrator watches through a window? If it's about something deeper, something real, you need more clues as to what the reality beneath the beauty is. If it is what it is, I still feel like it fell flat a little. I want more context as to why she became an orphan sky.

I love the smearing roses line. It's fabulous. I wish I had thought of it first.

A note on format: if you hold shift when you press enter, it single spaces the line. Then when you want to start a new stanza, don't hold shift! That way you don't have to have asterisks in there to separate your stanzas.

Overall, this is enjoyable, but it needs more context in general. I hope this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!

hello there, cutie here to review:
i tend to place a disclaimer that i"m not a professional, just passing by
Ok, lets start.
First of all i think the words you used are exceptional, you used words and twisted them into something beautiful. i dont often see such these days. so keep writing.
for me though, some of them seemed like fleeting thoughts you just had to write down before they flew away, i know that happens to me too. so,...shhh...pssst...shhhh... dont be shy to admit. its just us. lol. ( ok dont nod off to sleep yet, this is the fun part .)

these parts had me asking myself questions, which i will pose to you too

He marries the night

with sap on his wings.

He smears roses on her cheeks.

He tells a story. Caresses the pages.

Steals echoes from her mind.

ok, first, he marries the night ( sounds like a song ive heard. cool ) but then ,
with a sap on his wing? wait a minute, where, how? did we go from marries the night to talking about excretory products of trees.
and then, smears roses on her cheeks. ok, we are back to the glass child, i'm calm now,
but then, he tells a story, caressess the pages dosent seem to fit in with me,
he is doing too many things at once, how about:
" he smears roses on her cheeks, which tells a story, caressing its pages."
sounds like he is doing all these things focusing on the glass child
ok, if you have not noticed, i fell in love with the 'glass child " word, or phrase. which ever.
my favourite is the first part

Trace her in the window pane.

See stars fall from her eyes.

Why does she wait?

The glass child.

Alone

in shadow giants.

very good. but the thing is that your title is a bit misleading, i would prefer you named it, wait for it..... GLASS CHILD. keep writing. you're good.

Want a review? I bet you do! Well, I am here for one so accept it even if you don't want it haha
Here I go!

It was good. The sentences were a little bit short but it still was good. Did you make it a rhyming poem? Because if you did, I am sorry to say, I didn't really find it to be the case in the poem.

And hey! Why did you not just press the "shift" key along side the "enter" key to bring the sentences closer and make them look like a proper stanza? I mean, this is what I see, in general, as how people do it. If, the way you did it like this, is what your style of writing, pardon me for even bringing this silly thing up.

There were some really small errors of punctuation and a bit of grammatical mistake which, I hope, someone better than me would sort out for you.

And one thing I loved about this particular poem of your was the title. I was kind of attracting me to read what's hidden inside! Good job on that part.

Overall, good job in writing it. Looking forward to reading more of your work. You seem pretty talented. Good luck!