Our bridge

by IwillNOTbow2741

Published May 25, 2012

In poems

You burned the bridge connecting us as friends,
You had no regrets doing so, I saw it in your eyes.
Yet you come to me again months after the fall,
and everything is fine?
Have you forgotten YOU were the one to let go first,
YOU were the one who watched as the bridge came crashing down.
You built another one and expect me to cross.
I simply decline because I haven't forgot.
This bridge is unstable, not all the locks are there.
This time I will watch as you're in dispaire,
and when you realize what you've done and I won't come back around,
You will wish you didn't break that chain,
To our bridge that fell and burned. 
It will take more than that to bring me down.
Comments & reviews · 3
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FallenAngel97
Review
FallenAngel97 wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2012

I really liked this piece. It really gives the reader a feel for the character's pain and what they went through. It doesn't say what the traitor did, which makes the poem more relate able. It is short and to the point, not long and drawn out like some, and I like that. I like how it is short and simple, but you still get the meaning. This is a really great piece and I encourage you to write more! :D

User avatar
kimmybee
Review
kimmybee wrote a review Review · May 26, 2012

I absolutely loved it!
That said, I think it could be bettered with some punctuation marks, grammar and spelling checks and maybe even split some of the sentences. By splitting sentences and punctuating we could better read the poem and get the emotion- with the right indications as where to pause, etc.
I also think you could get two stanzas from this. One from the bridge burned and the next from this knew bridge him/her has now built.
Great Job! Keep at it.

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eyeofthestorm
Comment
eyeofthestorm commented Comment · May 25, 2012

Wow! I really like this poem. I would like to make a few suggestions, though.
In your second line I think you could use a comma, and instead of face, maybe say eyes.
"You had no regrets doing so, I saw it in your eyes."
In your seventh line I think the flow is lost a little bit.
"You built another one, and now expect me to cross."

Anyways, that's all I saw, good job!



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— Thomas Edison