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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
First of all, Its spelled 'perhaps' not 'prehaps.' 'Attack' not 'atack.' 'Horrible' has two 'r's and it's 'incurable,' not 'uncurable.' Please use your spell-check. Also, in the last sentence 'and if you have it too,' it should be 'and if you have it to.' 'The left over and newly brought pain of my life, the fears I have' is an incomplete sentence, and it makes no sense.
Other than that, this is an ok poem. However, if you don't say what is wrong with you 'like a virus' the reader cannot identify with the voice of the poem. I have no idea what you are talking about, and its a little frustrating, like trying to understand one side of a phone conversation. I do not feel sympathy for someone seemingly complaining about nothing.
If you made it clear what you are suffering, your metaphors would be much better served.
Keep writing, you are on the right track.
I thank you for the spelling points. But this poem is not suppose to reveal what MY pain is. I made it like that so it can apply to anyone who is hurting inside. I guess I should have wrote that in the description sorry.