God

by IwillNOTbow2741

Published May 7, 2012

In poems

When someone asks how I am I lie.
I say that I'm okay or I'm good,
but the truth is most of the time I'm not.
No one knows that deep inside I hate myself.
I hate myself from the bottom of my darkened heart.
I'm fat, I'm out of shape, I'm a loser.
I hate the way I look,
I always screw things up one way of another,
and I feel alone and confused.
People say there is a god,
If there is god please help me, let me know I'm not alone,
give me a sign that I am wanted!
I play it off as I don't care if I'm wanted of not,
Truth is these last two years will kill me!
I'm begging you! PLEASE!
If you exist PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING!
I don't have a clue on what to do, 
I'm lost,
I'm broken,
I'm even fallen from grace.
I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
I've spent all this time bottling up what I've should have said,
I'm on the edge of breaking down, 
so please help me.
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
GeeLyria
Review
GeeLyria wrote a review Review · Feb 24, 2013

Hi I willNOTbow. <-- I like your name.

I am GeeLyria and I will be reviewing for you today.

I like the reason why this poem was written, because even though there's a hater bellow this review, others can also relate to it. This poem was written before the phase of metamorphosis, and I like the sincerity in it. It made me really sad, I don't like it when people feel like they don't have anything but have the potential to write.

In all honesty, I don't have much to say about this piece. Except that it could use some stanzas for the reader to breathe. A long piece with no spaces is like a skycrapper without windows, and that can make people lazy. And we don't want that! Because you want to be heard! :) Another thing I want to point out is the line that is written in caps; I'd suggest you to write it like a normal sentence, and then add the exclamation mark (because that is what they are for - to scream in paper). Another thing that confused me really bad was the first sentence because it lacks a comma.

When someone asks how I am, I lie.

There should be a comma after "am".

And that's pretty much all I've got to say. Keep writing!

User avatar
Moriko
Comment
Moriko commented Comment · May 7, 2012

Nice drama :)



For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein