As I lay ont the grass in the freezing rain,
I think of you, my only friend.
The one who saved me from drowning in my pain.
Life has been a bully and you were my protection,
like a shield from the harmful burst of rays.
As you left I felt abandoned, like a stray cat looking for its owner.
All my walls started crumbling down like I was a fortress under atack.
Allmy cages rusted,
All my flood gates failed,
My prized glass sculpture broke into a million shards falling in the dust of my once magnificent castle.
No longer did the birds sing,
No longer the sun shined,
My life, once whole, is now broken.
My protection is gone,
My home is in the dust,
My bridges fell like the dust around me.
I sat in the dust. As time flew by so did the remains of my home
And although there was nothing but dark, I get up from the spot where I lay, like you, I'm letting go.
Even though I may fall, my heart is at ease.
Slowly, I pull the shards that fell and mend my prized sculpture into something new,
but I will always be missing the pecie you took with you as you walked away.
And as I continue to fight, I always think of you,
the one who saved me from myself.
I really really liked this poem! You have a lot of strong emotions in it and it stands out from the other ones I have read from other people. I noticed there were a few spelling mistakes like in the third line up from the bottom, "pecie" I think is supposed to be pieces right? It's probably just a typo but I figured I would point it out anyway. You also didn't put a space in between one of the "All my"s. Personally, I think that in a few of the lines you could have brought half of it down to a separate line like "My prized glass sculpture broke into a million shards falling in the dust of my once magnificent castle" could have been
"My prized glass sculpture broke into a million shards,
Falling in the dust of my once magnificent castle"
Keep up the awesome writing and if you want you can totally ignore my advice cause I am not at all the best poem writer and this is my first review...
From Raelyn
Nice poem
There is a lot of raw emotion in it and the metaphors in it just pull me in, and just really makes me feel your pain. The poem has a few minor errors, like spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes, but other than that, this was a really great poem! Keep it up, buddy! 