Why?

Allo.

First things first, proofread. While "shill" (line four) is a word, and therefore unlikely to be caught by spell check, I doubt it is the word you meant. That could've been caught by a reread and/or reading aloud. (Sometimes, while rereading, you read from short term memory. Therefore, you read what you meant instead of what you actually did. Let work sit before rereading it for typos)

Past that, I found the poem boring. You present a very general idea (how hateful people can be), awfulize it by accentuating the negative, expand the basic message to ask a list of questions, present it by placing each idea on its own line, and call it a "poem."

I'm sorry, but that isn't going to stand out from the mass of poems asking the same questions, giving the same message, in the same simplistic format.

There is a beginner's guide to writing original poetry available in the Knowledge Base, and I suggest you read it to help get your point across in a more stand out way. You can also take a look at this article on poetic devices to help the process along.

One thing my English teacher told me about poetry was that the main difference between it and prose is, you have to cram so much more meaning into a smaller amount of words. Right now, everything is adding up to having the same meaning if we were to remove the line breaks.

You have three ways to fix this.

One- Mute the message. Use poetic devices to add in an extra layer of meaning in your writing, so the poem can be appreciated on multiple levels (both the meaning and the language art). Right now, the absolute most amount of appreciation you can get is people enjoying the root message. Poetry, for a lot of people, is beautiful to read. It can be dark beauty, using uncomfortable stories and images that make a lot of people squirm (a friend of mine writes poetry full of bone and death metaphors, for example), but it is still beauty. The poem caries you along through the language.

Two- Make the format interesting. Become obsessed with how each line flows (how it sounds when read and spoken), where the linebreaks are, and the exactness of each word, to get that extra dose of interest to a simple message. Make sure every word has a purpose, being ruthless in how this is presented. That each line ends at the best possible place. Then, you use presentation to deliver an interesting poem. Something that carries readers along as they go.

Three- A combination of the above. How much of options one and two you combine is up to you, and depends on your own personal preferences. Option three gets you to focus on both your language and your structure, which is what good poets do.

If you enjoy the one-dimentional message of the poem, I would strongly suggest you go with at least option two. Obsess over how it is presented. Look up meter, rhythm, flow, linebreaks. Experiment to see what looks and sounds the best as you read it over. Then, you can get something different and break out of the box that so many beginning poets fall into.

My own personal suggestion is option three, simply because it introduces some language smithing into the poem. But that is personal preference.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any comments.

~Rosey

Hey, IwillNOTbow2741!
I'm Euph, and I'm here to review your poem, in the spirit of review day!

Let me start off by saying that I love how you ask the reader questions throughout the poem to have them thinking.

A few critiques I would like to have you add would be:
A. Line breaks
B. Colorful words

A- What if after every time you ask the question why you put a line break, allowing each few thoughts to be mulled over briefly, instead of the poem being all summed into one stanza?

B- Colorful words help to bring out your point and questions and allure the reader in further.

Over, I thoroughly enjoyed your poem and I would love to read more of your work.
Thank you for sharing this piece, and I hope that my review has helped you in some way, shape, or form to grow into a better poet.

If you need me, feel free to drop me a message on my wall or inbox anytime. ^-^
~Euph

So true. I love this poem and the point it makes.