Young Writers Society

Hello this is Foxmaster!!!🦊
I loved this so much, you definitely nailed the humor part. I have some thoughts:

After Corona finally wiped humans
from the face of this earth,
there came the dawn for a new predator
who would rule this world.

They were finally free to fly away
from a long oppressed life under tyranny,
where they were just featured in menus
as- hot wings or spicy nuggets.

No more grilling, no more frying
Chickens now enjoyed freedom
from the gluttony of evil men.
Chicken mamas will worry no more
about their eggs being stolen for
the making of someone's daily bread.

But what if it wasn't a Bat that
caused this global annihilation, instead
a double agent Chicken who worked out
a conspiracy to end this long debate
of who came first- the Chicken or the Egg?

still a classic!

Hi! I'm here for a quick review.

One thing I have to say, this poem was absolutely amazing. So funny, yet somehow thoughtful.

I'll go part by part:

After Corona finally wiped humans
from the face of this earth,
there came the dawn for a new predator
who would rule this world.

Evolved from the mighty dinos
these birds marched fiercely with
scrawny claws claiming their territories.
They were finally free to fly away
from a long oppressed life under tyranny,
where they were just featured in menus
as- hot wings or spicy nuggets.

No more grilling, no more frying
Chickens now enjoyed freedom
from the gluttony of evil men.
Chicken mamas will worry no more
about their eggs being stolen for
the making of someone's daily bread.

But what if it wasn't a Bat that
caused this global annihilation, instead
a double agent Chicken who worked out
a conspiracy to end this long debate
of who came first- the Chicken or the Egg?
It remains #classified
or maybe it's #unclassified .

What do you think?

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! You might wonder why this is appearing all of a sudden...this is for the checklist challenge where you've got to write a review for the first person to post on your wall...although considering how many people you welcome I'm sure you've received a bunch of reviews already explaining this...xD

Soo...quick disclaimer I don't usually review poetry, and I don't think I can be of much help in technical stuff, but I will tell ya the meaning I got from this and how it made me feel .

Anyway let's get right to it,

After Corona finally wiped humans
from the face of this earth,
there came the dawn for a new predator
who would rule this world.

Evolved from the mighty dinos
these birds marched fiercely with
scrawny claws claiming their territories.
They were finally free to fly away
from a long oppressed life under tyranny,
where they were just featured in menus
as- hot wings or spicy nuggets.

No more grilling, no more frying
Chickens now enjoyed freedom
from the gluttony of evil men.
Chicken mamas will worry no more
about their eggs being stolen for
the making of someone's daily bread.

But what if it wasn't a Bat that
caused this global annihilation, instead
a double agent Chicken who worked out
a conspiracy to end this long debate
of who came first- the Chicken or the Egg?
It remains #classified
or maybe it's #unclassified.

Heyo, H!

Not here for a review or anything, just to drop the promised comment on one of your literary works as one of the prizes in the RevMo 2020 Checklist Challenge! <3

Lemme just say. You're a great poet. Humorous poetry is your thing! I loved this one so much - I still remember all those chicken-poetry-writers taking over half the site. Oh my goodness though, the humor here made me grin too much, H. I was definitely not expecting that last stanza. I also love how you capitalized chicken - it emphasizes on how important you think chickens are!

My favorite bit is probably this part -

They were finally free to fly away
from a long oppressed life under tyranny,
where they were just featured in menus
as- hot wings or spicy nuggets.

I really enjoyed this humorous take on the chicken poem prompt! During NaPoWriMo I actually wrote a poem with a similar take on covid destroying human life and ginormous prehistoric penguins taking over! here - so I'm a big fan of the imagery you're using and the connection between chickens and dinos is one of those famously hilarious ones.

Humor! You nailed it!
Your humor is good because it's ironic, and also takes something people have anxiety about and twists it a bit, poking fun at our emotions in an ironic twist. I'd interpret the meaning of the poem to be - we should worry less, because at least we aren't chickens, and we are worrying about the wrong things (ie. covid vs the classified/unclassified debate).

I have a few suggestions for improvement:

1) Formatting Clean-up

You could take another look at formatting clean-ups. For instance right now you use sentence-case most of the time in the poem, but there are few times you don't. Like when you capitalize "chickens" after "frying-" and also when "bat" and later "Chicken" is somewhat randomly capitalized. My thought here, is perhaps you were trying to make a religious allusion as you also use the phrase "daily bread" earlier? (also I don't think most bread recipes use eggs? so that confused me a bit!) I'm not sure, but if you were trying to make a religious allusion, to say that Chickens are a sort of god I think you should add a few more references in to make it more apparent how that metaphor is working.

Another formatting clean-up is I don't think that your usage of dashes added much, and it sort of broke up the poem in odd ways since it's such a dramatic punctuation mark - mid-sentence. <- (see what I did there? unlike a comma which readers easily brush over as a breath, a dash or hyphen is more - halting, unexpected.)

2) Consistency

I'm not sure the ways that you've off-set some of the text was helpful because it lacked consistency. It seemed like your three usages of italics were a bit random - they weren't just for dialogue or questions, so it wasn't entirely clear what they were doing.

3) Narrative & Thematic Continuity

I think you need a bit more continuity in the piece to tie in that last stanza. The last stanza was particularly amusing to me, being really invested in the classifed/unclassified debate and chicken poetry, and I like the nod to the conspiracy theory that perhaps classified is planning global annihilations\ (though I maintain chickens aren't double agents and are totally forces for truth!) So the content was good for a YWS poem, because it's exactly what people here care about, but I think it felt like that content was kind of tacked on at the end and not quite tied into the rest of the poem. The different stanza break with the squiggles made it feel even more broken off I think.

other overall thoughts
Overall you covered a lot of funny territory in a relatively short poem which can be really hard to do! You were able to touch on some actually important themes which I think elevates this poem beyond just "ha ha" to something with significance that makes the reader examine their life a bit while also having a laugh. In humorous poems, the turn towards significance is often the piece that's missing, so I really commend you for that.

I want to echo @whatchamacallit in saying that one of your clear strengths is in word choice, and although the comparison between chickens / dinos has been done before, you really make that new and paint a really amusing layered story from that one little image.

I think taking care of some of those formatting inconsistencies will be one fairly simple way to improve upon this poem, and then maybe working on that continuity piece if you want to take it to the next level. A last note on continuity ~ sometimes I've suggested -> think of the theme / story of your poem. Now delete everything that doesn't tell that theme / story. Sometimes a poem lacks continuity because the author has added too much! Which might be the case here. Another strategy to add continuity is simply to bookend everything. If you mention cats at the end, you need to mention dogs at the beginning. If you call something blue in a description, you better add a color descriptor somewhere in the middle too. By creating multiple instances of the same thing happening in the poem, the details are elevated from "random" to patterns that the reader can analyze.

Hope that helps, let me know if you have any questions!

alliyah

Really good H !

Heya Hkumar,

Shady here with a review for you this lovely RevMo! Let's get started...

where they were just featured in menus
as- hot wings or spicy nuggets.

No more grilling, no more frying-

But what if it wasn't a Bat that
caused this global annihilation, instead
a double agent Chicken who worked out
a conspiracy to end this long debate
of who came first- the Chicken or the Egg?
It remains #classified
or maybe it's #unclassified.

What do you think?

Hi there H! Thank you for requesting a #RevMo review!

You've definitely succeeded in making a humourous poem! I think a few different elements are working together really nicely ~ the content, obviously, is very goofy, the tone is light, and your "extreme" vocabulary with words like "tyranny", "gluttony", "global annihilation" gives the poem an exaggerated, over-the-top (in a good way) effect.

One thing I especially like is when you take one of those "extreme" words, like "tyranny", and then follow it up with something about spicy nuggets. Those two ideas are quite contradictory, and in a poem like this, that adds to the comedy!

So humour-wise, the tone, content, and vocabulary are definitely working in your favour. I think one of the only things left that could make the poem even more entertaining would be imagery, even more so if you can find ways to play on words. For example, in the opening line you have "corona" and "wiped" in the same line. I don't know about you, but that immediately makes me think of disinfectant wipes. So what if you worked with that idea to help make the stanza even more ironic?

After corona finally wiped humans
from the face of this earth,
(the same way those humans scrubbed
so fruitlessly with disinfectant wipes
to kill the deadly corona)
there came the dawn for a new predator
who would rule this world.

Evolved from the mighty dinos
these birds marched fiercely with
scrawny claws claiming their territories.

They were now free to fly away

about their eggs being stolen for
being a part of someone's daily bread.

It remains #classified or may be it's #unclassified .

After corona finally wiped humans

No more grilling , No more frying-

It remains #classified or may be it's #unclassified .

Hey, there! This is absolutely hilarious, and I love it. Great job making it sound natural but filling it with awesome irony.

Maybe this wasn't your intention, but in some ways I feel like it reflects society. Everyone wants to be something great and break free from whatever factors seem to hamper the freedom of which they dream. I especially think this tends to reflect the passions of minority groups.

I really like how you depicted the feisty independence of said chickens. It personifies them well, and helps the reader to relate a lot.

Great job here. Keep up the good work!

Hey there, Hkumar!

In retrospect, the title probably should have clued me into what this poem was going to be like, but I was pleasantly surprised the entire time I read it! You did a great job giving the YWS chicken trend a fun, unique spin while also tying it to older YWS cultural trends. I'm also a pretty big fan of what-if scenarios when it comes to humanity not being on Earth anymore, so this definitely appealed to my interests!

Content aside, my biggest suggestion is to play around with the formatting - specifically, how many stanzas are in the poem and how you break apart your lines! The lines are the easiest part to explain, since they're something I've had trouble with in my old poems. Most of the lines in this poem flow together easily, but there's a few jarring line breaks.

After corona finally wiped humans

from the face of this earth,

there came the dawn for a new

predator who would rule this world.

Evolved from the mighty dinos

these birds marched fiercely with

chicken legs claiming their territories.

Hey there Hkumar! I will have the honor of reviewing this lovely humoristic chicken poem.

First of all your poem came at the right time. I was in the mood for reading some poetry, possibly reviewing but green room was kinda empty of poems.

This is a nice imagination exercise. This poem is really close to artwork that beeplecrap posts on instagram, he has got that silly shocking apocalyptic theme. Reading it I left my imagination go wild and I'm not disappointed with the result. Firstly imagine the crisis the poor chickens might feel after "corona finnaly wiped humans". After that crisis they might try to immitate what they saw in the human society and create governments etc. . The poem closely resembles a political ad "no more grilling, no more frying" and this blew my mind. You used something like that as a kind of inspiration.

And lastly the ending really made the poem complete. With this rhetorical question "what if it wasn't a bat that caused this global annihilation" you created a kind of lore, a reason for the rise of the chickens.

Loved the poem!