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16+

The Final Straw

by Hkumar


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Ɨn̷ ŧħɇ łøn̷ɇłɏ ħøᵾɍs̷
Mɨn̷đ s̷ŧɍᵾȼꝁ ƀɏ s̷a̷m̷ɇ ɇvɨł ŧħøᵾǥħŧs̷
Ma̷n̷ɨᵽᵾła̷ŧɨn̷ǥ.

Ⱥ wħɨs̷ᵽɇɍ ɨn̷ ɇa̷ɍs̷
Sᵽøꝁɇn̷ ƀɏ đa̷m̷n̷ɇđ łɨᵽs̷ øf đɇa̷ŧħ,
s̷ħħħ...ɨŧ's̷ n̷øŧ ŧħɇ fɨɍs̷ŧ ŧɨm̷ɇ.

Ŧħɇ Fɇa̷ɍ øf ᵾn̷ꝁn̷øwn̷
Ᵽɇn̷ɇŧɍa̷ŧɨn̷ǥ ɇvɇɍɏ ȼɇłł
Łøs̷ɨn̷ǥ s̷a̷n̷ɨŧɏ.

Wħa̷ŧ's̷ ɍɨǥħŧ a̷n̷đ wħa̷ŧ's̷ wɍøn̷ǥ
Ħɇa̷ɍŧ s̷ᵽłɨŧ ɨn̷ŧø ŧwø fɍa̷ǥm̷ɇn̷ŧs̷
Ŧɨm̷ɇ ɨs̷ ɍᵾn̷n̷ɨn̷ǥ øᵾŧ.

Đɇa̷ŧħ s̷ɇɇm̷s̷ ɇn̷ŧɨȼɨn̷ǥ
Ⱥn̷ ɇs̷ȼa̷ᵽɇ fɍøm̷ ɇvɇɍɏŧħɨn̷ǥ
Łɨƀɇɍa̷ŧɨn̷ǥ s̷øᵾł.

Ƀᵾŧ ŧøđa̷ɏ ɨs̷ n̷øŧ ŧħɇ đa̷ɏ
Ŧħɇ a̷n̷ǥɇłs̷ wɨłł ħa̷vɇ ŧø wa̷ɨŧ
Ɨ'm̷ n̷øŧ ꝗᵾɨŧɇ đøn̷ɇ ɏɇŧ.


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User avatar
1137 Reviews


Points: 137009
Reviews: 1137

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Thu Dec 01, 2022 2:05 am
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lliyah says...



This is neat Horisun! I love a good haiku series and these came together really smoothly. - I especially like the first and final ones.




Hkumar says...


Thanks alliyah :) hehe, i think you mistook my username



lliyah says...


AHHHH I got my H usernames mixed up @_@ but totally knew you wrote this and then typed the wrong thing! whoops! D:

I still love the poems though! xD



lliyah says...


This also reminds me of the wonderful time I actually got a lovely review from MESH <.< the legend! and I was reading through it and so proud, and then realized she thought @Aley had written the poem xD



Hkumar says...


Haha, xD



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11 Reviews


Points: 76
Reviews: 11

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Sun Nov 20, 2022 6:14 pm
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crescentmoonprodigy wrote a review...



Oooh. This is really interesting.

The first thing I would like to point out, and what is personally one of my favorite aspects of this poem is the font. It just adds an extra sense of darkness to the tone of the poem. As for the structure, I thought it flowed really nicely, I suppose, like a haiku probably should. Despite its clear beauty, it was also really, really eerie, as if you are portraying death as not a looming fear, but as a friend, or comfort from the confines of real life and I think it's encapsulated perfectly in this stanza;


"Ⱥ wħɨs̷ᵽɇɍ ɨn̷ ɇa̷ɍs̷
Sᵽøꝁɇn̷ ƀɏ đa̷m̷n̷ɇđ łɨᵽs̷ øf đɇa̷ŧħ,
s̷ħħħ...ɨŧ's̷ n̷øŧ ŧħɇ fɨɍs̷ŧ ŧɨm̷ɇ."

Maybe friend isn't the best way to describe this relationship- perhaps a toxic friendship or a romance is better. Nonetheless, I think it's perfectly crafted, in terms of utilizing means of personification.

This whole poem is a masterpiece, you should honestly be so proud of yourself.

Have a nice day/night!




Hkumar says...


Thank you!




What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.
— Charles de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu