In sleepless nights I lie wide awake
staring at the dark
ceiling in disdain,
trying to look for
stars in the wrong place.
A queer feeling
that something is missing
but what is it that I
have lost?
Competing in this
crazy self-obsessed world
where one must
prove his worthiness,
somewhere I have
lost myself.
Trained to be busy
for something
I don't actually
care for,
being busy
impressing others
who have different
values than mine,
busy doing something
I don’t even know
why am I doing it in
the first place.
I have no idea of
who I am
I don’t know what
to believe in.
Somewhere I’ve
lost myself.
This emptiness
haunts my soul.
Most days I feel
empty and sad,
yet I have to cover
it up with a smile
and fake gratitude
to avoid their pity.
A missing purpose in
my life
is what fills the
void within me.
Feeling like I am
heading
towards nothing in
life,
or may be even worse:
Feeling like being
dead
actually sounds
better than
staying alive with a
dying soul.
What if this race is
not meant for me?
What if i don’t
want to be a part of this?
Don’t make me run
after your ambitions.
My soul is craving
meaning,
depth and
connection.
These rules of the selfish society
have kept me hostage
to fear;
trapped in a
zombie-like comfort.
My life has gone
auto-pilot mode,
I have lost the
controls of my actions.
A human-bot
incapable of feeling
the sensations of
joy and happiness.
Still lying awake,
sad and in misery.
My mind still searching for something,
wondering when the
days would get better.
Weaving a web of
expectations and
getting entangled as
I struggle to come out.
I
have become a fake person with fake aspects,
so afraid of their
expectations, to become perfect.
Trying to fit in
their ideal frame with a forlorn hope
I realize with
pain , I have lost my true-self.
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139,517 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Wow! This was such a great and thought-provoking poem. The line "Trained to be busy for something I don't actually care for," really resonated with me! I agree with what PlainandSimple said, that the spacing is a little odd at times and there is a space where it is not needed.
Other than spacing issues, this poem is great! I love the message of it and it really resonated with me.
Thanks for the review!
wow this is really good!!
a couple of sentences really hit me hard. like i had never thought about life and me as a person or people in general like that.
like this one for example. or the last line! that one really hit me hard.
i can just feel the sadness and depression oozing from the words (or maybe it's just me self projecting?? i have no clue)
on a small note, you have some spaces that are unneeded. for example this one or the last line as well.
but keep up the good work!!~
~laynie <3
Thanks @starlinight for the review. No you are not self projecting, you got the true emotions coming out from me.
Thanks for the little suggestion, I will make the correction.
oh good!! i got you
and you're welcome!~
Oh my god. That last line really hits me. But I really hope that through writing this, you are able to realize that there is hope. If you have lost yourself, you can find him/her again. It is tough working a job you don't like, its tough faking a smile. Its tough when your entire identity is built because of what people expect of you. It creates such an emptiness, such a lack of connection.
But I urge you to keep trying. Keep expressing, keep being yourself. Slowly, slowly, turn that gear in the opposite direction, even if its rusted over and you're barely making any progress. Just keep going, ever so slowly, and don't give up.
This part is such a question that dances on the edges of your mind when you're close to battling with suicide:
"Feeling like being dead
actually sounds better than
staying alive with a dying soul."
I very much relate to all the sentiments in your poem; A lot of it felt like it was just your pure thoughts running out on paper. It felt like a conversation, almost a diary entry.
That being said, it didn't have much of a poetic flow to it. I almost feel like if this poem was put into blocks instead of stanzas, it would have worked a little better.
But at the end of the day I feel that you put your heart into this poem, and it doesn't really matter if it rhymes or flows well, or has any rhythm at all. Sometimes, you just need to get stuff of your chest.
We're here for you, Hkumar. Don't give up. Keep writing, keep sharing, and stay put during the pandemic! We all love you! <3
Thanks StudentAH for those of kinds words. It was really motivating for me. It makes me feel good that I was able to convey my thoughts. I do suffer from a lot of low points in my life but do my best to stay happy. Even I wrote this piece just out of depression and did not focus much about the poetic aspects.
It's really great to have compassionate and positive people like you around. <3
hello! Here to review.
I really enjoy your reason behind writing this! How you say things are truly breathtaking, good job. I really like your hook, it drags me in.
There is so much wrong with life and so much to think about. Everyone in life has lost some part of their true self and it is sad. Life is such a struggle. Life can be hard to handle and people do things just to get out of there heads. People smoke, people drink, people make up love, people use money, people eat, which makes them lose their true personality. No one has the ability to always be happy and it is such a sad thing. I wish everyone was happy all the time, but really that would ruin the point of life. I got that and so much more from your story, amazing job that you can put that much in someone's head by just a poem.
The only thing that bothers me is the space between your punctuation and your sentence. It's not a problem is just messes with my OCD. I guess it could be on purpose, however, other lines have the punctuation connected to the sentence. Fix it or not, it doesn't take away from your great work. Fabulous job! I will be reading more of your work!
_ from your friend,
@PlainandSimple _
Thank you so much for the review @PlainandSimple
I will fix the punctuations like you said said. Thanks for the suggestions and appreciation.
Hey,Hakumar. I'm here for a review.
But it going to be short.
Review!
There are few places you put comma and keep on writing more. After you put comma go to next line and
write more.
Somtimes in this poem I see this mark ; but you don't need this mark. In poem you only write commas, and periods when that stanza is done.
Other than that amazing peom with lots of describing words.
Keep on writing
>Chris Dixon
I am glad you liked it and thanks for the suggestions. I will keep them in mind.