Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Dramatic

Blood Heist

by Hkumar

In the absolute stillness of night

I can hear that familiar whine

the annoying buzz and fuzz

disrupting my peace and work.

Craving for some cocktail blood

they attack, the small evil vampires.

They've grown more powerful now

those mighty little creatures from hell

and the toxic repellants aren't just enough.

They return with their eerie chorus,

the mega clan of winged vampires.

Sucking every bare skin that they find

whispering to me of their line behind.

Slapping one to death never stops the brawl

for there comes it's brothers for another war.

Quick as a flash they evade my strikes

they laugh and enjoy my hopeless sight.

Dancing on my feet clapping my hands,

as I try to shoo them away and their spite

they find ways to give their stingy love bites.

They hover over my head day and night.

Neither will I let the enemies feast on me,

nor will I give up without a proper fight.

For they want my blood and I want them dead!

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
36 Reviews

Points: 2943
Reviews: 36

Fri May 15, 2020 4:45 pm
View Likes
mememimer wrote a review...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem! How can one not when it's relatable. The following lines are the ones I liked the most:

"Slapping one to death never stops the brawl
for there comes it's brothers for another war."

A great sense of humor and a very balanced piece of work you have put into words. Keep writing!

Best wishes,

Hkumar says...

Thanks <3

User avatar
24 Reviews

Points: 45
Reviews: 24

Mon Apr 20, 2020 9:31 am
View Likes
DeliriumNervosa wrote a review...

Hi Hkumar,

I thought I would stop by and leave a small review for you.

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem and think the message is very well delivered. One thing I noticed is the flow of the poem lacks cohesion and consistency. At the beginning there is a lack of syllabic patterns and it makes the poem hard to read to begin with. However, once you get to "Sucking every bare skin that they find

whispering to me of their line behind" the pattern begins and it makes the reading of the poem so much easier and that much more mesmerising! Possibly look at how the poem reads when you say it out loud before completing it.

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

-Delirium Nervosa

Hkumar says...

Thanks for the review <3. I understand what you meant, I will try to improve myself in the future.

That is the beauty of being an author, you can always better yourself and find new ways to improve. Keep up the good work

User avatar
58 Reviews

Points: 1519
Reviews: 58

Sun Apr 19, 2020 12:34 pm
View Likes
BhavyaMehta123 wrote a review...

Hi! This is a great piece of work and so relatable. Last line of the poem just stands out.I can't stop reading that again and again.
Even,In my wildest dreams, I never thought such a poem and that too on mosquitoes can be composed.I really liked it.You have done a great job. The rhyming, the humor, the emotions all are on point.Indeed, this was a great piece of work. Your observation is also great. I felt like I could imagine the whole scenario in front of my eyes.
Lastly, all the best for your future works and Keep writing!
From: Bhavya

Hkumar says...

Thanks Bhavya for so much appreciation. :)

Most Welcome :)

User avatar
47 Reviews

Points: 21
Reviews: 47

Fri Apr 17, 2020 9:06 pm
View Likes
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...

Hello! I have come here to review your poem today!

I absolutely love this poem! I love the chaos, emotionally charged language, and all the descriptive verbs and adjectives you used! It's a very well written poem that funny in the fact its describing mosquitoes, which really are creatures from hell in their own way. Its a relatable but surprisingly detailed and very entertaining and humorous to read. It describes the bugs as hellish and vampire-like as they try to suck our blood and are relentless in their quest to suck our blood. I love lines like "Neither will I let enemies feast on me" and "Nor will I give up a proper fight", it describes this as a battle of epic proportions against a horde of deadly creatures when in reality it's just some annoying bugs everyone deals with on a daily basis. You did an excellent job of personifying the bugs and describing the hatred that the narrator has towards these pesky things. You have a colorful and bright vocabulary of descriptive words and emotionally charged language in this piece. You did an excellent job on the flow and tone of the poem and you have an amazing writing style! Good job and keep writing!

Hkumar says...

Thank you so much for the review! I am glad I was able to convey the emotions properly <3

Writing is my soul made tangible on paper.
— bluewaterlily