when the stars called upon me
to join them in the blue heavens
where estranged souls dwindle
after leaving their mortal bodies,
the cold winds whispered softly
to arouse my dormant mind,
carried by the mystical breeze
into this abyss of darkness
and astral travel to the infinity.
in every celestial body lies
enigmatic power that holds
secrets not known to man.
each star pointing to hidden
treasures, but only if you
could decipher their message
twinkling bright against the
velvet sheet of nothingness,
come closer and all is known.
tunes of cosmic waves echo
through far ends of the galaxy,
an orchestra of moonlit hymns
in the voices of celestial beings
who once thrived on planets afar
but are now part of this cosmos.
can you hear their symphony?
a call for awakening to finally end
this slumber and begin a new journey.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hi Hkumar, I'm back with a review!
As I said earlier I really think the language you have in this poem is so cohesive and elegants and really pulls the reader in, I'm happy to be able to return to it!
) Your poetry is always fun to read, keep on writing!
Meaning
In the first stanza - I interpreted the meaning to be that the speaker is feeling pulled by the stars to the heavens - perhaps to reconnect with those who have passed or to death itself, but instead the wind keeps them in the darkness of infinity. A little less metaphorically I'm interpreting this to be someone contemplating end-of-life or what's beyond, but feeling disconnected or far away from that.
Then in the second stanza the speaker gets a little more philosophical and seems to be saying there are more secrets in the universe than we can discern and in the "nothingness" someone can come closer to what is known. The nothingness here could again be a metaphor for death but seems to be the same as the "abyss of darkness" in stanza 1.
Then in stanza three, this one I had the hardest time discerning - given that in the first stanza we were talking about heavens, rather than aliens I'd interpret the "celestial beings" as spirits or angels perhaps. And they give a call for awakening which could be a metaphor for "wake" from the lack of knowledge aluded to in the secon stanza or could be about "staying awake / alive" rather than being submitting to the death aluded to in stanza 1 and 2.
Overall the first stanza felt the most concrete and as the poem moved on it definitely felt more other-worldly. The overall vibe I got was one of searching, confusion, and awe / wonder.
Praise
I think you have some really nice imagery / sensory pairings throughout the poem! You are able to describe space in quite a few varieties which is really nice.
Another thing I really liked about the poem on top of the word choice that built up this interesting world, I also liked the clean even structure - all the lines were nicely and evenly divided up and then the three stanzas each with a slightly different focus made the poem seem very polished and well-edited. No punctuation or capitalization or spelling distractions anywhere to be found.
Suggestions
One thing I'd love to see in this poem would be to take that speaker who is more prominent in the first stanza (with the "me" reference) and figure out how to incorporate them into the 2nd and 3rd stanza. When poems are just philosophy sometimes it can be hard to relate or have a sense of how it's connected to the world, but if the speaker is learning it from someone or learning it through the universe that makes the poem more rooted and easier to connect to. The poem did feel connected in that the imagery was concrete and very clearly described but the sense of how the speaker fit into the space of the poem felt a little disconnected which made it a little difficult to follow the narrative in some sense. That's just my point of view though! I think you could make a case for having less prominent speaker in the second two stanzas as the poem goes further into the abyss away from the personal and into the world.
A very minor suggestion - in this line " but only if you /
could decipher their message" I feel like "could" being "can" might read a bit smoother?
Overall
Overall this poem definitely captured a really neat mysterious / philosophical / pondering / space vibe and I love the very tight word choice and imagery that knit the whole piece together. It was a bit mysterious to interpret, but was a poem that clearly had depth beyond just its surface level meaning. I'd love to know what your thought process or intention on the meaning was. And look forward to reading more of your poems in the future? (<.< can you be convinced to try napo?
all the best,
alliyah
Thanks for the wonderful review, I've been waiting for it
You got the first stanza right that I was thinking about people who have passed away and like it's said in many common folktales now they have turned into a star from where they are looking at us. It was just a gist of what first came into my mind but I must thank you for bringing such a nice theme for poetry because a lot can be experimented with imagery when it comes to stars and universe.
(I will definitely join Napo, not sure how much I will contribute but something is better than nothing >.>)
Later, I took inspiration from astral projections that is a belief in many cultures that our conscious can leave the body and make observations of the physical universe, something that's debatable but really fascinating if we think of all the possibilities.
In the last stanza, the inspiration for the cosmic hymns and tunes was that the universe is full of EMWs and many such radio waves were detected successfully by scientists that came many light years away, which means by the time we recorded them, the source has already witnessed that many light years of ageing. So there's a possibility that the extra terrestrial being might not be alive now (if we assume it was sent by them as some secret message) and it's soul has become a part of cosmos after passing away.
These were just the ideas that came into my mind while thinking about your theme and then went on to connect everything with some imagery.
Again, thanks for the review
Hi Hkumar,
First off Hkumar my impressions are I really love pieces of your work that you putted out Hkumar and also i have my fav line of pieces of your work tunes of cosmic waves echo
through far ends of the galaxy,
an orchestra of moonlit hymns
in the voices of celestial beings
who once thrived on planets afar
but are now part of this cosmos.
can you hear their symphony?
a call for awakening to finally end
this slumber and begin a new journey. This was my fav piece from the poem I had read Hkumar.
My Compliment Hkumar is that I really had enjoyed your poems that you were putting out and I hope i see more work put out cause me i really enjoy some people poetry
have fun writing Hkumar!
Love the lines:
The image is really vivid! And interesting as well, because one doesn't expect 'nothing' to feel like something, i.e. velvet, but it fits somehow
Thanks Lim <3
I love the language and reflections in this - really elegant poem Hkumar, and definitely the type that a person wants to re-read more than once to get the full effect. I'm going to try to return to review it during LRS, but did want to mention I think it's really well written! I agree with @Typowithoutcoffee I always enjoy running across your poetry in the lit-center.
Thank you alliyah <333
This was quite the descriptive poem! When I read it,I got an image of glimmering stars and infinite galaxies in my mind.I think that this poem is about people becoming stars after they die.I could be wrong,but that’s what I think.The stars are departed human souls in this poem.I hope that you have a lovely and wonderful day and night.
Thanks for the review
<3333 never stop writing your peices are beautiful
Thank you <3