Nothing

Hello, Jupiter! racket here to review your poem! (I think I'll probably work my way through all your poems for review day, so be forewarned. )
Well, I like this! It really portrays well the questions that I think everyone asks themselves at least once or twice a year. At least, I do. So. Yeah! Very relatable, which is always a main goal when writing!
I have a few questions/comments/suggestions/rants/concerns/spazzes/etc to tell you, the first of which is your commas. Dang, man, one heck of a lot of commas in here! I feel like the whole poem is kind of a huge run-on sentence and I just need to breathe at some point and stop. By the time I got to all your questions at the bottom I was mentally out of breathe (that may make me sound insane, but whatever...). I think you need to change some of those commas in explanation points and periods and questions marks - end punctuation.

helping you walk your way

destroying everything I touch,
and building it up again,

This is cool since you got me thinking of what you are until I reached the end and knew that your are nothing. At first I assumed that it is some kind of a god since you said that it is everywhere, but as I go closer to the ending, my assumption changed that maybe it was an element, but then again, as you said, you're absolutely nothing.

I like it, I like how you can make your readers think. My imagination worked as you were describing that you're the day, night, etc...


Good job. Looking forward for more

Hey there! Here to review your poem for you.

So, overall I really liked it. As previous reviewers have said, you did a really good job with the pacing and the tempo.

A couple things, though:

1. Add a couple periods, mostly just in the beginning. That will add variety, so you don't have to end every line with a comma. It will also help even more with the tempo by slowing readers down at the beginning. However, you don't want to to that later on as the tempo picks up.

2. Consider breaking this into stanzas. You don't have to, since it works very well as one stanza, but it could be used as kind of a switching point between the tempos, with one stanza being slow, the next one picking up speed, and the third one being really fast.

3. The title of your poem kind of gives the game away. Since the whole poem is about who the narrator is, which is obvious from the first couple sentences, the title immediately tells us the ending: the narrator is Nothing. Perhaps you could change it to something like "Who am I?" The problem with that, though, is that it's a rather overused title. Try to think of something better, I'm sorry to say that I don't have any ideas right now.

4.

What am I…?

Am I god?

Am I human?

Am I a force?

Charming piece here! The poem's rhythm was nicely paced as it went from moderate to a faster tempo, it was good to listen to.
Besides that "God" needed to be capitalized as stated earlier, I must say that the nineteenth line would've sounded better without the word "right."

It was a thoughtful piece because it really does make you wonder who the narrator or the listener is. I think this was the point of the poem that I really liked best: the fact that it could be for a reader and the author. Good Job!

If you have any other works, I'd surely like to read them and if you have any review requests, just visit me at my Will Review for Food thread.

Good Luck with your further writing!

-WaltzingDreams

Brilliantly done. I liked it a lot. Very nice. However I noticed you didn't capitalize 'God'.... as a basic rule of grammar all words pertaining to God and God are to be capitalized in any work. I like the occasional rhyme theme going on here and I like the poem in general. I'll be following you for more stories and poems published in the future. Good work. Feel free to review my work This is our song sometime!! ^_^