he was a grenade
he could explode any minute
~
he was my friend
but I guess he got what he wanted
~
i was stupid to tell him
that i hated him so much
~
i really didn’t
i just wanted it to stop
~
all the hate
the playing with my emotions
~
but really, all the good moments
made up for the bad ones
~
that’s why i still wanted him around
even though he could explode at any moment
~
i’m sorry for making you feel like a jerk
i just wanted to be mad
~
because the truth is
you’re my best friend
~
i love you
even though, in reality
~
i barely know you
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139,785 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Hi, (NOTE: I'll give you short review, I'm sorry)
I feel so distant...Ah, I miss @Atsmai so much...And I feel so ashamed.
**REVIEW STARTS HERE**
I do know Atsmai, so I can understand some parts that aren't meant to be understandable.
Never mind that.
This poem seems so plain and good. A little note on plain, as the previous reviewer said that some of your words are so like bland. I totally agreed. I know you would protest against it, but think of it again.
I love the cuteness I found in this poem. Most cuteness in poem are raw and honest and interesting to read. Cuteness is good but cuteness-es aren't. They made this poem like nothing which you would like to avoid. Plus, I'd always love cute things!
Again, never mind that.
The things I would like you to improve is the title and the word, GRENADE! You intended to make this an extended metaphor which is very good to have around. However, you don't explain enough about it. Although, you did some but they aren't enough. So, the my advice here is study more on grenade and try to make details and descriptions on it. Atsmai is so could explode anytime! XD
Yet again, never mind that.
The part I also want to stress is this...
Yeah! The second line of each of above are bringing the some meaning. So, they would only make more trash and trash means problem. Try to alter the meanings, so they wouldn't feel like they're being repeated over and over again.
**IN A NUTSHELL**
The ending spot on! You using mechanic really helps! The italicized words in poetry and stories often mean the true thoughts of the speaker/s. This element is also helpful than you think it is.
Perhaps, you got anything else to say? Because I feel something is missing. Anyway, keep on writing and good luck!
~Nicol
P/s: JERK
Thanks for the review. Even though my reply is short I promise I read the whole thing xD
Yeah. I know that. XD
Mata ne~
Yo Glados I'm going to review your fabulous poem, but not be a pretentious douche like that last guy. Maybe its just because its text, or his tone, but I hate that guy who wrote that last review. But I digress. This poem has lots of potential, I like it because I can relate to it, and that's one of the best things it has going for it: relatability. Their are some things that can be approved upon such as your grammar. Capitalize those I's, and maybe try to use some punctuation maybe. Punctuation will really Razz your readers Berries, and help them out navigating the poem.
. This gives the poem a much nicer flow, man. Another thing that should be improved is your diction. In the stanza Words like Stupid and Hated seem pretty bland, and don't add the the feeling of the poem. Perhaps words like foolish, naive, shortsighted, and abhor, despise, or loathe would be a more powerful fit. Thesauruses are great. Anyway, the poem is lookin' good. Nice poem... decent poem.- Lettersnumbersonly
I do use thesauruses, but most of my poetry is simple and sweet, so I don't use a nice vocabulary such as you pointed out. And another thing, the non-capitalization is a personal style, of course I know I'm supposed to capitalize my I's.
And thank you for pointing that out about the last guy, I didn't want to be the one to point fingers. xD
Hello!
I like how you compared him to a grenade, this pome get really deep, I think it should be 14+ I'm sure lots of people can feel the same way. Like navy said, I do agree that people can have issues. It's a great pome, but also people can feel sad/upset/despped. I would edit it and make it a bit more child friendly.
Good luck!
Hello!
I like how you compared him to a grenade, this pome get really deep, I think it should be 14+ I'm sure lots of people can feel the same way. Like navy said, I do agree that people can have issues. It's a great pome, but also people can feel sad/upset/despped. I would edit it and make it a bit more child friendly.
Good luck!
Hello!
I like how you compared him to a grenade, this pome get really deep, I think it should be 14+ I'm sure lots of people can feel the same way. Like navy said, I do agree that people can have issues. It's a great pome, but also people can feel sad/upset/despped. I would edit it and make it a bit more child friendly.
Good luck!
Child-friendly? Most 12-year-olds can handle this if their going around on this site. There's depression everywhere. But thank you!
And "pome" is spelt "poem."
Where I live it's spelled pome.
Eh, where do you live?
A pome is a fruit...
At least when I searched it up.
It's fruit for me too.
Hi GlaDOS,
Its NavyCDR to do a review on your poem. I love you poem! It is really powerful and i'm sure so many people can relate to it! I like how you compared him to a grenade, its a good idea. Just my two cents, you could have also related him to a time bomb, or you could also add the ticking of a grenade. I really like how your poem is really contradicting, which is really how it is when you have feelings for someone but you also have issues with them. I'm sorry i'm a beginner and i saw your poem I cant really think of a way to make it better because its so good! Great Job it is a really good poem. Do more like it!
-NavyCDR
Thank you! <3
Hi Glados! Here's my two cents:
Just be sure to capitalize I's and add correct punctuation. For example:
Although I like what you've written and I feel like it is a piece that a lot of people can relate to, the grammar is driving me insane!
would look and feel more advanced if it read "I barely know you."
Also, I feel like punctuation is very important in poetry, so that the reader is given the opportunity to pause at the end of each line. So, in each stanza, I would recommend doing something like this: Because, the truth is, you're my best friend.
Now, this is a good line and it's extremely relatable- telling someone that we hate them is often a regretted decision. I would recommend using a stronger word than "stupid;" perhaps use ignorant, foolish, idiotic, etc.
All in all, I like what you've written! There's just little mistakes here and there.
Happy writing!
-unluminescent
No capitalization and punctuation in this poem is a personal style, it shouldn't be brought into a review. That's something I've learned.
I understand it may bother you, but it's a personal style. Try and review on the actual elements of the poem like vocabulary and ACTUAL grammar.
There's a little lesson for you. Thanks anyway.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be a personal issue... I'm just very up-tight about grammar. If there is a symbolic reason for the grammar then I respect that, but as I don't know you I didn't know that that was just how you wrote. And I did review on the "actual elements" of the poem, and I feel as though punctuation is an "actual element" of poetry. Sorry that my review wasn't of more help.
It's alright, I do feel I was a bit harsh... sorry.
It's okay. I'm not looking for any drama on here; no hard feelings.