why must you toy
with my emotions
like this?
~
does it bring you joy
to bring me sadness?
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139,784 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Hey GLaDOS! Stranger here on this wonderful day and I have a review for you!
Yes, I enjoy to bring you sadness. You really deserve it. That's the point of this review. I wasn't quite a big fan of this poem, to be completely honest. There are a handful of elements that don't really appeal to me. The most important is delivery. You have the poem so bunched together that we know that you want to make it "short and sweet". However, that doesn't make it powerful. The narrator is talking to some lover/person that has scorn them, but really, you don't make that much use out of it. You just, say what's going on. It doesn't work that well. Let's jump in, shall we?
You create a faux idea of deepness right here by questioning others. Thing is, you bring nothing new to the table here. There is nothing I haven't seen before. I understand being able to relate to a poem is a great idea, but not when you're just saying your thoughts. That ruins the uniqueness and specialty of poems, where they are relatable, and only that. Some creativeness is asked for when writing, yet you're just saying a sentence. Question, what makes that deep? I understand short poems can be quirky, but still. If you add much more creativeness by branching off more, this would be a darn good poem.
This will be my final paragraph, probably because I don't want to rant about the same thing over and over. The repetition of "bring" dampens the end of the poem for me, personally. It is an interesting artistic choice, but whereas this is the only artistic choice (other than that tilde), it is in an inappropriate place. It's like having something bland (not calling this work bland) then adding a flavorful aftertaste. It honestly does nothing to the poem, and actually makes the beginning more worthless, if that makes sense. Make sure that poetry is fleshed out and that you can play around with it.
Good job, keep writing, and stay groovy!
Ah, well thanks for bringing me eternal depression (kidding, of course).
I appreciate the review!
Hi,
Such simple words...
This question is simply best to leave unanswered...if you ask me...XD
**REVIEW STARTS HERE**
All the un-capitalizations words are truly best to leave it like that. It brings the sorrow and grief when the speaker states this. This kind of poetry is good and interesting to write. These two questions are often being asked when one's having a bad time. The part I love most is when the stanzas are breaking. In the brief of the moment, I could feel the true, honest feeling in this. Plus, the tilde is beautiful......
The thing I want to stress out is the thing that makes this poem different. I don't find it. I can't find it. These are simply randomnesses. You don't want that. I don't know how to make one poem stands out, but what I know is the usage of word/s that left an effect on the readers when it's being read. Try to focus things that probably will leave the readers stranded. The outcome's mostly good, but be careful. This is one of the reasons why this kind of poetry is hard.
**IN A NUTSHELL**
The rhymes are good and this flows well despite the length of it. Overall, I, honestly, feel wanting more in this. Keep writing and good luck with that.
~Nicol
P/s: TOY
Hey! Cello here!
I read over the past reviews- they were mostly praise. I don't know about you, but I'm always wanting feedback to help me improve so here I am to critique!
This poem was short and well written and perfectly fine as it is (very good honestly) but it could be better. Isn't that what we, humans, are always striving for? Improvement.
My suggestion is honestly quite simple. Try some rewording and new phrases.
This is very simple- keep it like that but still expand.
'in such a way'
It's still very basic but it adds more... emotion? Not the word I'm looking for. Look over the writing and just expand your vocabulary, make the simple poem very slightly more complex.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Thank you for the critiquing! I do get a bit bummed out when it's mostly praise, I am, of course, looking to improve. You read my mind.
hi my names toy its very sad its like someone brought you in to darkness
hi my names toy its very sad its like someone brought you in to darkness
Well, I decided I'd leave a review quickly!
I honestly love this poem. It's completely relatable, and despite it being short, it successfully portrays your theme. I don't know why, but I quite like how you separated the poem. The way it flows through those 5 short lines, in my opinion, gives it that much more impact. Now I saw one of the reviews mentioned it feeling unfinished, but on the contrary, I feel like it's length is what makes it interesting. It's simplistic, and yet still maintains that depth to it... anyway, I have nothing negative to say. Your poem is wonderful! I'll be sure to check out more of your work!
Thanks! I appreciate the review. I felt really frustrated but I feel a lot better after splattering my thoughts onto the page. Heh. Plus, these comments make me feel all the more better, too.
I know what you mean! That's why I love writing, sometimes it helps a ton to write down your emotions. Im glad you're feeling better, as well!
Awh, thanks <3
Hey Gladiator!
It's MergSword here with a review! And quite a short one.
There's only one reason I'm going to possibly forever remember this poem. It's because I can relate. I don't think this is fair. People are actually treated like this. We don't have an escape. You basically summed up the life of somebody out there in five lines.
Why does this brig them joy is the biggest question. We live too. If anything, they shouldn't deserve to live if they treat you like this.
I want you too know that if you need somebody to talk to, I'm there.
~MergSword
Thanks, Mergie. You've become my best friend on this site and someone I can always count on.
Love you %u1566(%u2727%u1D25%u2727)%u1565
Sorry I was trying to comment one of those weird text face thingies but it didn't show up, bleh.
What I said is true, I'm always just a PM away.
You're awesome
Hello! I saw that nobody had left a review yet so I thought that I should.
First of all I like the topic. I have felt many times that someone in my life gets joy from bringing me sadness.
Now to critique. Honestly, and I'm not trying to be mean here, I feel like this isn't finished. This would make a great start to a poem but I don't feel like this is complete so keep working!
Overall, good work. More is needed but keep writing!
It's meant to be a short poem. Thank you!
Ok! Then I think it's perfect if you meant it to be short!
Awh, thanks <3