Sitting on a bed by a stained glass window,
She looks,
She waits,
She tries to stand,
She can’t get up,
She can’t think,
She can’t walk,
She can’t talk,
She can’t express herself,
She is lonely,
She is upset,
But how can you tell?
She shows no emotion,
She just is.
She is a blank canvas,
She wants to be someone,
She wants to be loved,
She isn’t.
She’s owned,
She’s used,
She was purchased.
She can’t escape,
She can’t jump off of the bed herself and run to freedom,
She has to be taken to freedom,
But even with freedom,
She can’t do anything,
She is just a doll,
A doll,
That wishes to be free.
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139,785 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Hey.
Okay so, this was Too Good, with caps. I mean, it's a doll, a normal doll, but the depth here can't be ignored. It's clear what you've done here.
No technical glitches, it was perfect. The idea is great, the title was vague (a good thing, here) so it gave the readers to wonder what it might be, the reason I opened it lol.
But there it is, a very plain topic, yet with so much meaning. Good one. Inspired by personal life or someone else's?
Kudos.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Wow, that last bit was very impactful. The lines "A doll, that wishes to be free." really hit home. Other than that, I would call this a "nice" poem, very simple and to the point. Some may like that, others may not. I personally do enjoy reading "soft" poems as I call them as they are refreshing and often lacking in the field of "good" poetry. Nevertheless I still wish you could've switched up some words for something else, to create more force. An "umph" as I call them XD Great poem overall though! Props to you!
Personally, I don't understand the gratuitous amount of commas, but I understand it helps the form you were going for in the poem. I like the content of the poem, how the doll's struggle is defined in a more action-oriented sort of way, rather than strictly emotional. Most poetry I come across with a similar mood is very emotional, and this reminds me of the mechanical way dolls really can't do anything themselves. It makes one question whether or not they are a doll of society.
I appreciate your review, thank you! c:
Hey, hey, hey! Holly Mc signing in for a review!
I don't normally review poetry so I'll give it my best shot.
The first thing that came to mind when I read this poem was Mulan. I was recently in the show. I was the Matchmaker and had to tell Mulan that she should be more like a doll instead of a person.
I really enjoyed this piece. I thought it was very well written.
I did notice that it was like another poem that I read though so you might want to make sure to check it.
I saw very few grammatical/spelling mistakes so good job there! Just remember to proofread before you publish!
I can't wait for more of your stuff!
Keep writing!
Hi it's me teacake013 here to review.
I thoroughly and truthfully enjoy your work it was unique!:)
I'm not here to judge your work, so I'll tell you
I know it takes a lot to publish you're works so I respect that completely.
In you're work pacifically I enjoyed how you chose a item as you're subject of this poem.
Why I also liked was that you made me understand Why you chose the doll
It left me with a good grasp on what you were trying to say.
It was a poem that I consider to be a great start of many more amazing works to come in the future.
The spelling was perfect and so was he grammar the only thing I think that could improve is the paragraphs shape.
It was great to say the least.
Hope you keep on improving and writing you're heart out!.!
Love, Teacake013
Thank you very much! I appreciate when I get no bad comments at all x3. I'll work on the shape.
No problem