Hi Forever,
Mailice again here with a short review!
Wow. You've managed to get my full attention now that I've read the first three chapters. First we have a beautiful wedding, then the father dies and now there is a virus out there that is causing the economy to suffer and Cortez's company to suffer as well. His decision to lower prices should have been made a few months ago. But I'm not going to go straight into an economics lesson and explain why. What I liked very much was how you showed the contrast between Cortez, who puts more emphasis on the product and not the price, and Shayene, who puts the price above the product. I think you did a very good job of making the two characters so different and also to show that we had another timeskip here that lasted ten months.
One little problem that is still there is the spelling mistakes. I know everyone makes them, but just reading about them really helps to make the chapters look a bit more corrected.
I liked the chapter. It covered a lot of ground and I liked how you made those transitions. Definitely a little highlight in terms of the first three chapters. Keep it up!
Other points that my eye caught:
Life was going well. After his father's cruel demise, Cortez couldn't concentrate on anything, most of the time he remained outside the house because the house reminded him of his father.
This is quite an abrupt beginning after the tragedy we have experienced. On the one hand, I like this timeskip, but I also think you bypass showing Cortez's feelings again. I think you reflect it well indirectly, but there are no concrete hints.
has to sign deals
Had instead of has.
he had to work like a god!
I really like your description here! I suppose western deities don't really work and this is more in the Asian region where you see deities working on something.
The news' headline says : A new case of the virus has been caught in our state. All are requested to wear masks.
That sounds very familiar to me.
“Really! That's a very sad thing.”
A question mark would be more appropriate than an exclamation mark.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
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