Cortez was obstinate on the fact that he would charity and that at any cost. Today, since the sun rose above the horizon, he had only one concern lingering in his head– how would he be able to get it to the place?
He had remembered of the news which was aired on the same channel which took his first interview. However, that was never broadcasted. The news was eating him up. He knew if Shayene came to know about 0.01% of it, she would not spare him, but then also he decided to take a chance.
Those were all mere things, as it seemed to him. The main problem of the matter is the place is still unknown. No one knows about it. For once he thought of asking Alvaro but the next moment he remembered how drastically Alvaro had changed.
He browsed through the internet, especially the news tab, and searched in many ways... Huh, he found something. Not the exact place, but he wished that he would. “God, how foolish these police are!” he chuckled.
Being cloaked as a young man of 20-23 years, he set off to the location. When he reached there, he could see nothing but the factory of a famous cupcake in the country.
“Hello,” he said entering the factory, “I have caught you all.”
The men working there glared at him for intruding but ultimately, allowed him to work there in the company.
***
To avoid suspicion, Cortez told Shayene that he had joined a cake company as a worker. Shayene, although a bit shocked, felt quite happy that Cortez had not run after fame and had chosen an honest one.
Once again, their relationship was getting sweetened as the honey. They spent a reasonable amount of time gossiping with each other.
Meanwhile, a charitable trust had earned fame in a month's time. It’s leader, Jacob Miller, was admired by all generous people. He was a man of 60 with powder white hair and a geniable smile which always stuck to his face. His myopic eyes were enough to make someone believe him.
Cortez’s job was a daytime job but Shayene would see Cortez rarely went out of the house in the dead of the night just after a mere phone call.
Shayene deduced that something might be wrong but she couldn’t help herself to disbelieve Cortez.
“Cortez, my love, what’s wrong with you? Where do you go in the night?” Ultimately, she decided to ask without deterring.
“I-I actually you know what sometimes, when our company gets big orders, then our employer calls us. That is why-” he couldn’t finish.
“Oh! Foolish me! That’s right and is natural. Okay, okay.” she replied blinded to Cortez’s actions.
Cortez was relieved to hear this.
End of chapter
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140,115 Literary Works • 673,019 Reviews
Hi Forever,
Mailice back with another short review!
We did it right away. Only two more chapters.
Giving up the charity plan, Cortez has now settled for putting his dream of being an influencer and seeking attention second, and working in a cake factory. This seems so dubious and strange, the chapter left me a little confused. I have to be honest, it seems so weird and abrupt, like I skipped a chapter 9.5.
On the one hand, I welcome the change in story and that we are now moving towards the home stretch, but I can also see that you need to flesh things out so that it makes sense - at least to me. I think you've done a good job of portraying this whole situation, but especially here in the chapter, what you've built up very well in the last few has disappeared. I would try to explain it a bit better here, otherwise it seems a bit spontaneous.
Some points I noticed while reading:
Since you put the name of the news in the last chapters, I would also put it here with Fire News instead of leaving it nameless.
I like that narrative voice, inserting a "Huh".
I would rewrite that to "the police is".
That's a strange description.
This is where I'm confused now. Because I assumed, because of the police, that Cortez was now going to solve a criminal case, I thought he was getting into the clutches of a drug ring or something. But it seems so naive and strange here that it leaves me with astonishment.
I would write "friendly" smile here.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thanks for all the reviews Mailice!! You should be given a prize for "Fastest reviewer on YWS"! You are so fast at reviewing!!
ForeverYoung299 NovelStar is a scam, just so you know. I strongly suggest that you don't submit anything to them.
Yes, I know. Those disgusting scammers.
Hi! I'm back again. As requested I am here, although a little late because of homework that seems to never stop pilling. Anyway, I'd like reading the story and would love to point a few things out and let life carry us onward again.
Suggestions
I love the description! You are very specific and the descriptions are also quite interesting.
Suggestion: I don't think there is a word such as "geniable". By "geniable" do you mean "genial"?
https://www.google.com/search?q=geniabl ... e&ie=UTF-8
You should be more specific here about the age I think.
Overall, as other chapters written by you, I think it's well written and was a wonderful read.
Thank you for the request & your understanding!!
Thanks for the review! Okay... I will change the age. And yes, I wanted to mean genial.
You're welcome! Have a wonderful day <3
Hey there! MapleWay here with a quick review!
This was a nice extension of your story! I liked how you keep developing Cortez's story and personality even further in each chapter! I have also realized that I and Cortez are basically opposites. He loves the spotlight. I don't. He doesn't have the biggest guilt complex. I do. Ect. Anyways when it came to this chapter you did a great job. I couldn't really find any mistakes besides the fact that I feel you could maybe include a bit more. But you also post quite often so It makes up for it. I guess I just feel that you don't seem to progress the story very much. Though it depends on the chapter. But besides that it was great! Congrats on making the literary spotlight!
- MapleWay
Here we are again!
I'm not sure what this means; he could donate to charity at any time, sure, or this could even mean something different than that. I can't have a strong sense of understanding towards what's happening here because of the wording choices, which can easily be edited in the future or explained whenever someone asks the meaning.
"The place" gives no background information to what goes on there, so it could be anything. if someone were to start reading at this chapter, they'd probably have a hard time settling into the scenery and character motives / personalities.
Even though it might not seem like it, 20-23 is a wide gap of ages. Some more is needed here because I see so much maturity differences between someone who is 20 years old and someone who is a few years older (one of them being alcohol and cigarette consumption among others in some countries and areas.)
Can I get a job here???
Moving on - I feel like I haven't read this in a while, but I'm still enjoying seeing characters grow and plotlines move.
Good job ~
L
1) I will consider changing the word choices.
2)Actually, I tried to create a bit suspense.
3)I will change the age difference.
4)What did u mean by that?
Thank you so much for the review
About 4) I think @chikara was just saying that he/she/they like cupcakes or think a cupcake factory is interesting. Especially a famous one.