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A Fight for Survival ~ Darkness Approaches Chapter 13

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Viper lay there in the chard ground his body heaving as he tried to gain his breath. The trees above loomed over him their long shadows casting over his body.

“That was close.” Viper breathed out, his breath coming out in short bursts. “Right Nuddia?” Only silence greeted his question. His body seemed to gain strength again as Viper quickly looked around for the dragoness. “Nuddia!” He called out, rapidly getting to his talons, his body screaming out at him as he did.

The clearing he was in was clear no sign of her anywhere. He rushed over to the tree line, hoping she would be around there. Still no sign of her, Viper began to worry, his heart speeding up in his chest, had something bad happened?

The wind that blew past his face sent small shivers up his spine when it touched his scales. Breathing in a large breath Viper picked up on a small sent, it was faint but he could follow it. Quickly he made his way into the forest making sure not to lose the sent, when suddenly he saw a trail of blood along the floor, staining the grass in crimson.

Speeding up his steps into a run Viper raced through the trees, hoping, praying Nuddia was okay, that this sinking feeling in his stomach was nothing to worry about. Viper could see as he was running the blood on the ground began to get thicker and there was a lot more. When he looked up he could see a small shine of gold in the distance. His heart plummeted in his chest as he got closer.

Moving the lush greenery away from the body that lay on the floor, Viper had to take a step back to hold down the sick feeling that was coming up his throat. Slowly he crept forward again, the crimson body lying on the floor stained with blood.

“Nuddia…” Viper whispered, small tears rolling down his snout landing on the limp body bellow him. Leaning down he pressed his snout to hers.

Viper could feel his heart begin to speed up in his chest as he stood up and walked around the golden body. So many emotions clouding his judgment as he looked down at Nuddia’s body, large gashes covered every part of her.

Lying down next to her, Viper wrapped his tail around her limb one, a part of him hoping she was alive. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, but it felt like hours had passed before he stood up, his body aching with guilt and pain.

“I wish I could have saved you if only I had been here on time.” Viper breathed out once again touching his snout with hers. His tears long ago dried form having no more to shed. “I’m so sorry, Nuddia. I wish there was something I could do.”

With a heavy heart Viper turned away knowing there was still a mission to be done. “I promise I will finish this mission.” With that Viper spread his wings and took to the air sprouting through the canopy. He knew if he stayed there longer it still wouldn’t bring her back, no matter how much he wanted it.

The time seemed to fly by as Viper flew through the cold night air, the light radiation from the moons lighting the grassy plain below him. The small fine strands dancing in the light breeze. Worry didn’t even seem to find its way into Viper’s mind, as the moments from before just played through his head over and over again like a nightmare that would never end.

‘How could this have happened, had more of the Highdroes ambushed her in the forest? I just don’t understand how this could have happened.’ Viper thought the scratches and bites along his body having no pain compared to the guilt he felt.

Shaking his head to be rid of the thoughts that now clouded his mind Viper began to glide down to the ground, his large dark shadow rippling along the waving grass as he flew.

Lifting his head Viper look at the empty waist land ahead of him, and into the great mountains that loomed in the distance. Viper knew those were the mountains that surrounded Onex Valley. He was glad he was close to the end of his mission, but things are only going to get harder from here on out.

Diving down to the ground Viper’s talons grazed the hard rock he was now flying over, he quickly opened his wings letting him glide along the ground making himself harder to see in the cold darkness of the night.

The mountain wall that surrounded the mountain fort was about two dragon tails way from Viper, beating his wings faster he shot up from the shadowed ground and flew up along the wall, about halfway he latched on, his razor-sharp claws digging into the hard rock, allowing him to catch his breath for a moment. Viper new he was back in the shadows again as he could see the moons light a tail length under him.

Breathing in a sigh, Viper slowly began to creep up the mountainside, making sure to dig his talons deep into the rock face.

Nuddia's death still roamed his memory, but he knew he had to let her go, she wouldn't want him to blame himself for her death, nor would she want him to fail the mission because of her. When Viper reached to the top of the mountain, he stopped his climb and hung onto the rocks, listening for any movement...but not a sound could be heard. Unlatching himself from the stone Viper sprouted his wings out from his sides, letting them catch the wind, quietly he glided over the mountain without a sound, Folding his wings back at his sides he dived down to a cave opening in the mountain that looked like it hadn't been touched, as he flew he looked bellow him at the rocky earth, he would have thought there would be some guards on duty, but still no sign of them.

When Viper was just about to land in the cave he shot his wings out once again, gliding into the cave-like a feather on a warm summer breeze. His talons made small clacking sounds when they touched the stone floor.

Peering out of the cave Viper took this opportunity to take a better look around. When Viper looked further down there was almost like a canyon in the earth, it was large enough for a fully grown dragon to fly through when he took a closer look he could see a faint light. It was the flicker of a flame.

Wanting to get a better look Viper jumped off the edge of the cliff soring down to the opening in the earth, for all he knew the Onyx Wyverns could have made it, or an earthquake could have been the caw, but either way, it looked like they have moved further down.

As Viper flew he could feel the cold drops of fresh rain land on his scales, it was only a slight drizzle now, but it would soon turn into a downpour. As Viper got closer to the opening in the ground he tucked his wings in allowing him to fit through the crater easier. As he was diving he looked around and with a jolt of realization, he fanned his wings out around him and darted into an opening in the rock wall.

“How am I going to find the throne room?” Viper asked himself as he looked around to see if he could follow someone. From what he could see it looked like the place had been set up like the Sand Wyvern fort, only that fewer tunnels and there was a lava river running through some of the caves.

“Do you know when it will start?” Came a husky voice, it sounded close by.

“It will be starting at any moment now, we better get a move on Ash.” Came another voice-only this one sounded like a female voice.

“Nidra wait!” Came the same voice from before. “Any news?”

“No, not yet.” Nidra’s voice spoke back.

Viper peeked his head out of the opening in the wall to take a look at the other dragons when he saw them he had to stop himself from panicking and flying off. They were huge, there was no way he and the others back at the fort could defeat them if it came to a battle. They were even large then Venom.

The sound of talons getting closer to where Viper was hiding knocked him out of his thoughts, Viper looked around him trying to find a good place to hide, but there was only a dark corner at the back. Viper knew that wasn’t going to be enough to hide him, when he saw a loop in the ceiling, knowing he had no more time Viper looped his tail around to root and hung there in the shadows his wings wrapped around him. He made a small opening near his face with his wings so he could see if the Onyx Wyverns had passed.

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kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review · Mon Jun 29, 2020 5:28 pm

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Well it is time for the final nail in the coffin. Let's end this now shall we?

First Impression: Well that was a twist that I was not expecting. I honestly never thought you'd kill of Nuddia. Now we may never get to know her secrets. But on the other hand it also feels like her death was glossed over somewhat because we move past it fairly quickly without lingering at all. The emotion doesn't quite have the time to develop because Viper has been thrown into another life threatening situation already and we forget all about Nuddia.

Viper lay there in the chard ground his body heaving as he tried to gain his breath. The trees above loomed over him their long shadows casting over his body.


That should be charred

Speeding up his steps into a run Viper raced through the trees, hoping, praying Nuddia was okay, that this sinking feeling in his stomach was nothing to worry about. Viper could see as he was running the blood on the ground began to get thicker and there was a lot more. When he looked up he could see a small shine of gold in the distance. His heart plummeted in his chest as he got closer.


This whole buildup to finding her body is done very well.

With a heavy heart Viper turned away knowing there was still a mission to be done. “I promise I will finish this mission.” With that Viper spread his wings and took to the air sprouting through the canopy. He knew if he stayed there longer it still wouldn’t bring her back, no matter how much he wanted it.


Well time for Viper to go solo I guess. Hey at least with only one dragon sneaking in would be easier.

‘How could this have happened, had more of the Highdroes ambushed her in the forest? I just don’t understand how this could have happened.’ Viper thought the scratches and bites along his body having no pain compared to the guilt he felt.


So it would have been good to end this chapter along these thoughts with Viper staggering off somewhere to rest. I feel like that would give more weight to Nuddia's death rather than ending this on a life threatening cliffhanger.

He was glad he was close to the end of his mission, but things are only going to get harder from here on out.


That should be were.

Wanting to get a better look Viper jumped off the edge of the cliff soring down to the opening in the earth, for all he knew the Onyx Wyverns could have made it, or an earthquake could have been the caw, but either way, it looked like they have moved further down.


I think that should be cause.

“Do you know when it will start?” Came a husky voice, it sounded close by.

“It will be starting at any moment now, we better get a move on Ash.” Came another voice-only this one sounded like a female voice.

“Nidra wait!” Came the same voice from before. “Any news?”

“No, not yet.” Nidra’s voice spoke back.


Well that's some interesting dialogue right there.

The sound of talons getting closer to where Viper was hiding knocked him out of his thoughts, Viper looked around him trying to find a good place to hide, but there was only a dark corner at the back. Viper knew that wasn’t going to be enough to hide him, when he saw a loop in the ceiling, knowing he had no more time Viper looped his tail around to root and hung there in the shadows his wings wrapped around him. He made a small opening near his face with his wings so he could see if the Onyx Wyverns had passed.


Great cliffhanger. Only thing is that is serves to cheapen the effect of Nuddia's death from earlier.

Overall: The whole guilt part is captured pretty well in the description. So good job on that. The plot as a whole up to this point wasn't bad to be honest. But anyway, good luck on your rewrite!!

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Yeah I know this chapter wasn't done very well with the whole Nuddia's death, that I know I could have done a lot better! But it's always good to see its not just me.
Thanks for helping me out this this story!

Your Welcome!!!
It was a pretty good story. I have run into much much worse.

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JabberHut
Review

Hey, Phoenix!! I'm really sorry for jumping in so late in the novel. I'd be happy to go back from the beginning to review later on, however, if you're still looking for reviews on your story. :D

I can tell this isn't quite finished yet 'cause you left us all on a REAL CLIFFHANGER, SIR. RUDE. Viper is stuck in a precarious situation and now I have to wait to find out what's going to happen?! Are the Onyx Wyverns still there? Did they hear him clear a space to see?! What if they find him?

Jumping into this as late as I am, I don't really know what the plot is. That said, I'd like to see some hints to that since every chapter needs to tie into the plot somehow. And I think there are a couple ways that you can do that.

First is the obvious loss of a very important charater -- or at least, someone close to Viper. Nuddia's death is an incredibly hard moment for Viper, and I'd really love to see more of that emotion come through in the narration. Right now, it's telling me what's happening and showing a beautiful picture of the two of them lying together, but I would LOVE to see more emotion come through. I want to get into Viper's head, feel what he's feeling, see the thoughts crossing his mind, really feel those memories and how crippled he is without her.

In addition to that, have this scene lead into how Viper is motivated to continue further. This will reflect on not only the plot but also Viper's character development. When you lose someone so close to you, it's really going to tear you apart, and many times, you'll not want to move on at all. This was BRIEFLY hinted with the time lapse of a few hours, but don't be afraid to stretch those hours out if it's going to benefit the reader with plot/character development. Nuddia's death is going to have a part in Viper's motivation to continue this mission. He'll also have a chance to reflect on Nuddia's significance to the story itself and how she wasn't useless to the mission, and that her loss is going to be noticed if he continues.

Unless Nuddia isn't as important as I thought, but I feel like she was pretty important to him. XD

But yeah, that kind of development could transition super smoothly into Viper moving on with the mission. And that, in turn, is going to make this feel like a cohesive chapter. Transitions are SO hard and I hate them so much, but they're really the glue that sticks these scenes together, so it's definitely worth investing time in transition work.

I have no idea what's going on in the cave, but I freaking love it. I like sneaking into territory, going into stealth-mode (if you will) to achieve their goal. I'd love to get into Viper's head a bit, see him think through his mission as he progresses. This would hint at the plot easily, but for a loyal reader who's read from the start, this will help them engage with Viper's story and grow to understand the character. It'll help make sense of his decisions, and we'll learn to trust that he's making reasonable decisions as he moves forward. Getting into the main charater's head is really important for the reader to grow an attachment to them, so I think that'll help immensely. What's affecting his decisions? What is he worried about? What is his plan exactly, or is he winging it (lol)? And if he's winging it, let's get that adrenaline feeling from him and make sense of any rash decisions he might make.

Your names here are simply divine. Some of them are simple, but I'm in love with Nidra's name. What a freaking cool yet beautiful name. Something tells me they'll come up later since we're already establishing names for these wyverns.

Your scenic descriptions are incredible. You really paint the picture so well. I honestly envy that 'cause so often, I have no patience for description and have to go back and add it later. But you've really painted the nature scenes so beautifully. Your use of lighting and colors works so well together.

I can't help but say I'm intrigued! I'd love to read more if you ever post another chapter to this story. If you're looking for reviews on this novel still, I'd be happy to go back from the start and review as well. Just let me know how you feel!

Thanks so much for the read, and keep writing!!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Thank you for the great review Jabber! This will really help a ton when I rewrite which I'm planning to do soon!
This is something I wrote a long time ago. So I wouldn't worry about going back and reviewing the earlier chapters.
If you want when I start posting this story again I can tag you?

Again thanks for the review! It was a great help!

Absolutely! Feel free to tag me, I look forward to reading the rewrite! :D

User avatar
Dossereana
Review

Hi @FlamingPhoenix I'm here to do a review on your chapter, so lets get right into it shell we.

Viper lay there in the chard ground his body heaving as he tried to gain his breath. The trees above loomed over him their long shadows casting over his body.
this was just a great start to the chapter, just one thing I don't remember this word being read out loud when I herd you read this, so that's why I'm asking if is supposed to be there, but that's all for that line the rest I really liked.

“That was close.” Viper breathed out, his breath coming out in short bursts. “Right Nuddia?” Only silence greeted his question.
this was already to much for me just the fact that Nuddia was not answering him I was instantly worried for what could have happened to her, while they were fighting the Highdroes but I thought that they mite have just gotten separated a little at first.

The clearing he was in was clear no sign of her anywhere.

okay ignore the clearing and the clear in this line but I just could not help it, but really that sounds like a pun.

Quickly he made his way into the forest making sure not to lose the sent, when suddenly he saw a trail of blood along the floor, staining the grass in crimson.
when I read this I was just starting to think to myself, I hope this is the highdroes blood and not Nuddia, or lets up its just scars and woods that were opened.

When he looked up he could see a small shine of gold in the distance. His heart plummeted in his chest as he got closer.

Also just have to say that your description is great, also your lines are just getting sadder and sadder, I mean really why is it that its in these sorts of chapters that your description gets really good.

“Nuddia…” Viper whispered, small tears rolling down his snout landing on the limp body bellow him. Leaning down he pressed his snout to hers.
NO! how could you do this I liked Nuddia I really did and now shes gone, and you no what you almost made me cry, now I'm just thinking how is he going to be able to do this mission on his on. I mean he had Nuddia there for a reason, and how will he tell the chief if he makes it back to the fort. also I no that you did not read me the full chapter so I stopped reading it here just to let you no.

So that is all I can say, this chapter was filled with emissions and things, your a great writer flames, never lose that.

@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews

Lol. thanks for the review Doss, don't worry hopefully things will get better, And it will all work out in the end, besides she had to die for a reason. ;)

Hm okay we will see.

Yes we will have to see.



We're just all nosy little busybodies.
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi