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A Fight for Survival ~ Darkness Approaches Chapter 12

by FlamingPhoenix


The crackling of the fire was the only sound that could be heard in the crisp night air. A trail of smoke rose to the blue abyss through the canopy.

Nuddia let lose a small growl, her long thin tail flicking behind her as she crouched down her wings half unraveled from her sides.

Viper didn’t take his eyes away from the burning bush, his body going tense as he waited to see if anything would jump out of the flames.

On the other side of the clearing, another rustle came from another bush, pulling Viper's attention towards it. Smelling the air again, he picked up the same sent again through the smoke. Fear began to prickle at him. As he thought of what could be hiding from them.

A low menacing growl came from the bush. Spinning around quickly, Viper was just in time to see long-tail slither into the depths of the lush undergrowth. Narrowing his eyes all the pieces began to come together.

With a jolt of horror Viper looked at Nuddia and yowled at her. “It’s an ambush! RUN!!”

Just at that very moment, three black thin panther-like creators jumped out of hiding, their teeth beard, and their red eyes blazing with the plusher of the hunt. Slowly they began to circle Viper and Nuddia. Thick strands of saliva hanging from their narrow mouths.

A loud hiss was heard from within the undergrowth. Looking up Viper saw a much larger scaly creator step out of the flames, long red stripes traveled from the end of its snout along its sides and to the very tip of its tail. Its red eyes scanned over Viper, making him shiver with fear. Suddenly it hissed at the closest smaller creator, the dark red fins on its back bristling with the motion.

Viper’s eyes widened when he got a better look at the four cat-like creators. His eyes widened in fright. ‘Highdroes!’ he thought.

Growling and hissing filled the night air as Viper watched the four Highdroes move around him and Nuddia. ‘This can’t be, they are supposed to be dead! Their time in the world ended a long time ago, at the time of the great third war. Many dragons died in that war trying to get rid of these things!’ Viper thought dread like a stone in the bit of his stomach.

Nuddia let out a threatening growl her eyes never leaving the lager Highdroe.

Spreading his gold wings out he tried to make himself look bigger than the small Highdroes, slowly they backed off, but a low growl and hiss from the larger one made them start moving around again. Now that they were rather close Viper could see they were about half his size, he would be able to keep them at bay one at a time, but if they attack at the same time…it would be a different story.

Moving his eyes to look up at the larger Highdroe that was about the size of a dragon just without wings he sent it a menacing growl, hoping it would chase it off.

Making small clicking noised the larger Highdroe sat down its tail curled around it’s from talons as he gave out orders. On cue one of the smaller reptiles went into a crouch its tail flicking behind it as it got ready to pounce.

Viper cast a small glance at the hissing and spitting dragoness next to him, her eyes long ago turning into fine black slits. Her tail raised and ready to strike at any moment.

Ducking his head in just the nick of time, Viper watched one of the Highdroes that had just attacked fly over him, moving his tail around his feet just before it can sink its teeth into it. The Highdroe jumped to its talons and hissed at Viper, its teeth paired. Whipping around Viper growled at the medium-sized animal trying to scare it off. But to no avail, it only made matters worse.

Screaming a high pitch noise two more Highdroes showed up out of the bushes. Viper’s eyes widened when he realized what was happening. Of cores others were hiding in the shadows, there were probably lots of them still waiting to be called on. Viper looked behind him and could see Nuddia fighting three more Highdroes.

His heart drumming in his ears Viper breathed in another large breath, the flames making their way up to his throat, opening his mouth he let three small fireballs fly through the air, aiming each one at a different Highdroe near Nuddia.

The hot flames collided with the panther-like animals sending them flying through the air, rolling in agony, each one let out pained hisses and moans as Viper’s fire began to eat away their flesh.

Quickly Nuddia jumped away from the animals, her dark eyes wide with shock, glancing at Viper she briskly nodded. “Thanks.” Turning away she ran into the forest surrounding them, her figure mixing with the dark shadows.

Viper wanted to run after her, to make sure she would stay safe, but he couldn’t right now as the Alfa Highdroe slowly began to walk towards him, it's tail long and spiked. Viper spread his wings trying to chase it off with a show of dominance. But that only seemed to fuel it’s hatred as it began to run forward.

Viper had to quickly move out of the way before the Highdroe’s jaws clamped down on his neck. Its body was slow to follow his movements, but his eyes stayed on Viper the entire time.

Sucking in a large breathe Viper shot a stream of fire towards the black and red animal, the hot flames lighting up the ground. Not waiting to see if the attack had done any damage, Viper spread his wings and shot into the air, just as he was above the tree line he folded his wings in at his sides and shot down into the trees again. Reaching out with his front talons he grasped at the Alfa Highdroe’s back leaving long red lines.

Letting out a high pitched scream through the air, the Highdroe got to its feet watching Viper as he hovered in the air. Suddenly a whole lot of other smaller Highdroes ran out of the bushes standing behind their Alfa.

“Wait do I have to fight all of them off now?” Viper asked himself as he began to think about what approach he will take. Folding his wings in at his sides again, he dived down past the Alfa, reaching out he picked up one of the smaller Highdroes in his talons, then he made a jab at one of the other smaller ones.

Twisting in the air Viper darted away from the Alfa Highdroe when he tried to take a bight at his tail. Swiftly turning around Viper through the Highdroe he was holding down to the ground at the others, sending a few of them flying into the bushes.

Hissing under his breath the Alfa turned and ran back into the bushes being followed by the other Highdroes. Viper watched them leave, as he slowly began to glide down to the ground again. When his feet came in contact with the scorched ground his body gave way and he flopped to the floor.


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Mon Jun 29, 2020 4:56 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And coming up on the last two ones.

First Impression: Well this was exactly what I'd hoped for. Great action scene. Captures the reality of a proper fight very well. Most people like to go straight into a fight but few realize that fifty percent of a real fight is spent studying one's opponent. So you got that spot on. And in general this is a great action scene although it felt like Nuddia was a little underused here as she basically did nothing but hiss and look threatening.

Anyway getting right to it,

A low menacing growl came from the bush. Spinning around quickly, Viper was just in time to see long-tail slither into the depths of the lush undergrowth. Narrowing his eyes all the pieces began to come together.


The tension is built up very nicely in these first few paragraphs.

Just at that very moment, three black thin panther-like creators jumped out of hiding, their teeth beard, and their red eyes blazing with the plusher of the hunt. Slowly they began to circle Viper and Nuddia. Thick strands of saliva hanging from their narrow mouths.


That's a pretty good amount of description right there. Just enough to visualize them but not so much that it gets in the way of the flow of the scene.

A loud hiss was heard from within the undergrowth. Looking up Viper saw a much larger scaly creator step out of the flames, long red stripes traveled from the end of its snout along its sides and to the very tip of its tail. Its red eyes scanned over Viper, making him shiver with fear. Suddenly it hissed at the closest smaller creator, the dark red fins on its back bristling with the motion.


This thing definitely sounds rather terrifying. Great descriptions.

Nuddia let out a threatening growl her eyes never leaving the lager Highdroe.


That should be larger

Viper cast a small glance at the hissing and spitting dragoness next to him, her eyes long ago turning into fine black slits. Her tail raised and ready to strike at any moment.


From the way the rest of the fight is written it appears that this was all that she did except for running into the forest later.

Viper looked behind him and could see Nuddia fighting three more Highdroes.


Here it would be nice to see a bit of description of Nuddia fighting these three.

The hot flames collided with the panther-like animals sending them flying through the air, rolling in agony, each one let out pained hisses and moans as Viper’s fire began to eat away their flesh.


That is very painful.

Sucking in a large breathe Viper shot a stream of fire towards the black and red animal, the hot flames lighting up the ground. Not waiting to see if the attack had done any damage, Viper spread his wings and shot into the air, just as he was above the tree line he folded his wings in at his sides and shot down into the trees again. Reaching out with his front talons he grasped at the Alfa Highdroe’s back leaving long red lines.


Another great little skirmish there.

Hissing under his breath the Alfa turned and ran back into the bushes being followed by the other Highdroes. Viper watched them leave, as he slowly began to glide down to the ground again. When his feet came in contact with the scorched ground his body gave way and he flopped to the floor.


Wait he didn't even get injured from what I saw. How did he become tired enough to flop down onto the floor.

And that's it for that.

Overall: This is a really great action scene here. Besides your amazing descriptions you've got some killer action scenes from what I've read so far. Now let's go read that final chapter.

Also I just realized that this was the work that had kept the green room from being cleared since September. That means this spent a whopping 9 months in the green room before it was finally defeated yesterday. But that's just a fun fact.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






This chapter is one of my best. XD I'm rather happy with it, though it still needs some tweaking here and there.
I hope you enjoy the last chapter!
And thank you for the kind and helpful review!



HarryHardy says...


Your Welcome!!
I enjoyed it!!





Great!



HarryHardy says...


:D



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Sun Jun 28, 2020 2:11 am
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Hi there!

I haven’t reviewed other portions, I hope that’s okay. Let’s jump in!

Nuddia let lose a small growl, her long thin tail flicking behind her as she crouched down her wings half unraveled from her sides.


This reads a little clunky- add a comma after “down” maybe? The “her wings half unraveled from both sides” is a bit of a wordy add-on to the sentence. There were a few other sentences in here that were either run-ons or missing a comma or two! No big deal, it just disrupts the flow of the piece.

When his feet came in contact with the scorched ground his body gave way and he flopped to the floor.


Ooh, what a great description there! And quite the heroic ending for Viper.

Alrighty, so the Highdroe battle with Viper was really excellent! I think the pacing was really nice and the balance between action/description was really good. It made for an engaging, but immersive, reading experience. I also like the little plot nugget thrown in here—Highdroe’s apparently were extinct?? :0 That makes for a really interesting motive for the Highdroes. Maybe they’ll want to get revenge on the dragons?

I am a bit confused on what exactly the Highdroes are. They’re described as panther like, but the larger was is scaly—so are they sort of like wingless dragons? I was a bit unclear about that and as far as I know Highdroes aren’t a real mythological creature (like dragons!) so clear descriptions would be really nice.

This was probably mentioned in previous chapters, but I wonder what Nuddia and Viper are doing here! It seems like this battle might be a turning point in the story, because the Highdroe’s seem like a new enemy (and they retreated so they’re still out there!!! Yikes!). It’s possible this could affect their journey, and I like that a lot!

Lastly, I’m wondering why Nuddia left the fight?? She left Viper to fight all of them! I feel like they could have a better chance of winning together (it seemed like Viper barely made that out alive). If there’s a reason why she left (maybe she got badly injured? Or is she not a fighter or something?) I think it could be nice if that was shown somehow (limping, strain in her face, whatever it is).

Overall, I really enjoyed this! I think there’s some really nice imagery here and I found it really easy to read along. Hope this review helped a bit, and happy Review Day!

Peace,
~EternalRain






Thank you for the review and help Rain!
I'm not writing this story at the moment because I'm going to do a rewrite so I'll add in all the tips when I do!
Some of the questions you have would have already been answers in the earlier chapters.
When I rewrite I'll try and describe the Highdrose a little more, your right I didn't explain what they looked like very well.

Again thanks for the review! Happy Review day!



EternalRain says...


Ah no problem! And I just realized this was from last year haha, good luck on your rewrite!





Gosh its been that long. Thank you hopefully I'll get to it soon.



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Tue Nov 26, 2019 5:49 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Here's that review I promised! Sorry for taking so long.
Starting off, the chapter is really interesting! I enjoyed reading it, and I hope to see what happens next. The story has continued to impress! The only things I can help you with are your spellings and grammatical errors. So here we go:

"Smelling the air again, he picked up the same sent again through the smoke. Fear began to prickle at him. As he thought of what could be hiding from them."

Here, you've unnecessarily split one sentence into two, making the second a fragment. (I'm talking about the last two sentences.) There's no need for a full stop, or even a comma! Just keep the flow. And it's "scent", not "sent". They're two entirely different words!

"A low menacing growl came from the bush. Spinning around quickly, Viper was just in time to see long-tail slither into the depths of the lush undergrowth. Narrowing his eyes all the pieces began to come together."

This needs a bit of work. The "long-tail"part is just confusing. Maybe you can add an "a" before that,and remove the hyphen? And just tweak the sentences a bit to ensure a smooth flow.

"Just at that very moment, three black thin panther-like creators jumped out of hiding, their teeth beard, and their red eyes blazing with the plusher of the hunt. Slowly they began to circle Viper and Nuddia. Thick strands of saliva hanging from their narrow mouths."

What do you mean,"creators"? Do you mean the creators of the growls? If so,it doesn't work unless you say that again here.
It's "bared", not "beard", and "pleasure", not "plusher". And again, the last two sentences have to be together, not apart.

So mostly the rest of it needs commas injected here and there. The grammar is okay, though you should be looking at what I pointed out if you rewrite this. In speech and descriptions, add commas where necessary. Don't drag a sentence on otherwise.


I hope you found the review helpful and not too critical! I'm sorry if it was.
Overall, I really like the story, so keep it up! Just edit your work and you'll get there! Good luck and have fun writing!






Thanks LittleLee, this is just what I need, as you can tell I'm not the best speller. So it helps when someone points out those silly slips ups.
I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I hope the next one will be even more fun for you. :D



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Wed Nov 20, 2019 6:50 pm
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TameraBloggs says...



hi, I love it, keep doing this (Even though I only read a little bit of this)






Thanks!



TameraBloggs says...


No problem! always happy to help!





I can tag you when I post again if you want.



TameraBloggs says...


yes please <3





Okay. :D





Okay. :D




Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
— Jack Sparrow