Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And the quest continues.
First Impression: Oooh. Conflicts among dragons. Also a great little action scene. Nice quick little chapter and it looks like the plot is getting underway. This seems to be our main hook here for the readers.
Suddenly Viper stopped. His body going tense as he just stood there his eyes fixed on the dark shadow. Ndutu briskly stopping behind him, giving Viper a questioning look. His eyes wander to where Viper was looking and then looked back at him.
Viper turned his head towards Ndutu and lifted a talon over his mouth. “Ssshhhh, stay here.” He said before his wings fanned out around him, with a single beat, he thrust his body into the air without a sound.
I love the way that Viper despite all his worries about teaching immediately takes charge and lets his training kick in when the situation becomes appropriate for that.
Sucking in a large breath Viper got ready to shoot the fire that was slowly building up within his throat. The warmth filling his body. Taking his aim, Viper let the fire spew from his mouth, the red hot flames shot across the small space between the two dragons. The rain that fell around the fire disintegrated into hot steam as the fire raced towards its target.
A screech of pain could be heard through the drumming of the rain, as the Onyx wyvern fell to the ground in agony. Viper quickly swooped in towards the shaking Dragon, its eyes were scrunched close as it tried to breathe through the pain. Viper looked over to its side, he could see where his fire had hit the other dragon, as a green substance slowly burned into the dragons flesh.
Putting his barbed tail to the black dragon’s neck he asked, “Why are you here?” His voice was thick with venom.
When the other dragon didn’t answer Viper pressed the tip of his tail harder into their flesh. He could feel the poison flowing through his tail to his barb, there was only so much time before it shot into the other dragon’s body.
“I will tell you nothing!” The Onyx Wyvern spat, his eyes open, the black orbs like a dark pit.
“Very well.” Viper growled jabbing his tail deep into the black dragon, he could feel the poison rush out his tail and into the body of the other dragon. His eyes didn’t leave the other dragon as he let out roars of pain, his body convulsed and fell limb after a few seconds. “Quick but painful.” Viper spat as he turned and walked away back to Ndutu.
This whole fight scene is really well written. I like the pacing. The beats of the sentences. It all works out really well. So great job there.
‘Why would an Onyx Wyvern be in our land, it’s unheard of?’ Viper thought his eyes darting from one place to the next. ‘Could they be planning something? But why would they want this land? They don’t even like hot weather!’ Viper groaned out in frustration.
Pretty interesting. Also I'm assuming this is some kind of rainy season here which is how this one managed to slip in to the hot climate.
The two dragons walked down the hall in silence, not a word needed to be spoken between them to no something was wrong.
That should be know.
Slowly Vesirrion steps forward, “I patrolled my side of the border, and all is clear for now. The rainwater is staying at bay, and there have been no intruders.”
Wait rainwater is a problem that has to be reported on? Interesting.
Taking a shaky breath, Viper slowly stepped forward, his body gone tense with worry. “I come baring disturbing news.”
Well this isn't a cliffhanger but it's still a really good place to put the ending. Very dramatic.
And that's it for this chapter.
Overall: The plot kicks off here I think. It's a great place to hook the readers. It's done pretty well. So far Viper is the only that has gotten good development besides Venom. So might want to work on that. Besides that this is a pretty good story so far.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
Donate