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Young Writers Society



Ascension: Corso 21 (The Myriad book 1)

by Feltrix


I stared at the trees stretching above me as Nyx’s words echoed in my ears. I called you Ghostfire because that’s what the Harbinger had said your name was. This implied that the Harbinger had sent Nyx to kill me. This was as good as confirmed when she tried to cover up her shock when I said as much.

If the Harbinger had forced Nyx to kill me, then it was possible that she was as much a victim as I was, but that was a lot of assumptions to make. Thousands of questions whirred through my brain, but one was at the forefront: why? If the Harbinger wanted me dead, and I still wasn’t convinced that he did, why did he want me dead? I racked my brain for anything I could have done to warrant someone wanting me dead, but came up empty.

I had other problems to deal with as well. Taanyth had made it clear that he and the other elves expected me to be the answer to their problems, starting with the Alok. I didn’t even know where to begin. If I somehow managed to defeat the Alok, then it sounded as though the elves would allow me to stay with them, but if not, I was worried I would be forced out into the forest with no protection. Even if I stopped the Alok, it didn’t sound as though it would stop there. I would be expected to deal with many more dangers facing the elves.

I ran a hand through my hair, a habit I had when I was stressed. I had a murderous alchemist, a hooded figure who might have betrayed me, and a supernatural abductor to deal with. I had no one to turn to and no idea of how to fix any of my problems.

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I trudged up the stairs of the tree Nyx was being held in. At last, I’d resolved to tell Taanyth everything. That the Harbinger had told me to find him for a reason I didn’t know. That I had no idea how to find the Alok, much less stop it. I was about to enter the room when I heard Nyx and Taanyth’s voices coming from within the wooden chamber.

“...What are you doing on my world?” Taanyth asked.

“Your world?” Nyx replied. “That’s big talk from an elf who I’m quite sure spent the last few hours thawing.”

“This world is under my protection,” he clarified. “I can’t pretend that I’m able to defend it on my own, but I do my best. And you’re a threat to its well-being, as you have shown. Which leads me back to my question: what are you doing on my world?”

“Look,” Nyx said, sounding as casual as one can when strapped to a chair. “I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to. In fact, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t have come here in the first place. But, you see, the Harbinger sent me.”

At the sound of the name, I peeked around the edge of the door. Taanyth seemed engaged with Nyx, who was doing an excellent job of appearing languid in a restraining chair. Her eyes flicked in my direction, and a ghost of a smile touched her lips, but then it returned to Taanyth. I ducked out of view, but I knew the damage had been done.

“The Harbinger?” Taanyth asked.

“Oh, Corso hasn’t told you?” Nyx said. “No, I don’t want to be here. As I’m sure your resident human has guessed, the Harbinger sent me to kill him, and I’d guess the pyromancer knows more about him than I do.”

Taanyth took a moment of silence to process this. “Then why are you still here? Why haven’t you Flickered off the world? The attack failed. What can be gained by staying?”

“Well, for starters, we can make sure our young eavesdropper has lots of questions.” My heart skipped a beat. I knew I’d been caught.

I stepped into the doorway. Taanyth raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“So, let’s see,” Nyx said. “In the last few minutes, we’ve implied that there’s a multiverse, and I’ve outright stated that the Harbinger, who you know, wants to kill you. Also, your pointy-eared friend has decided to be pretty possessive about this particular world. I’m sure you’re curious as to what it all means.”

“I’ll answer all of your questions,” Taanyth said. “But not right now.”

“No,” said Nyx from behind him. “Now. You’re going to answer all of Corso’s questions or I’ll leave the world and none of your questions will be answered.”

“Why?” I asked. “Why do you want my questions answered?” Nyx had been unwilling to give me any information just moments ago. Now she was refusing to answer any of the questions Taanyth posed until mine were answered.

The Alchemist smirked at me. “Because I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not the only Flicker in the room.”

“Would anyone like to explain to me what all of this means?” I shouted. Nyx and Taanyth’s conversation had left me clueless, and I was worried that if I let the two continue to talk, I would never get any answers.

Taanyth sighed. Nyx’s smug smirk stretched wider. “I suppose,” Taanyth said. “You’ll have to know about the Myriad.”

“What’s that?” I asked, relieved that I was receiving answers.

“It’s the multiverse,” he explained. “It-”

A vague, uncertain memory sharpened to extreme clarity. “You mean.... multiple universes?” I asked, a bit dazed.

“Yes.” The elf glanced at Nyx. Taanyth looked intrigued, but the Alchemist looked triumphant. “Do you know something?”

“I….I think so,” I said. “When Nyx attacked me-”

“You Ascended, didn’t you?” she said.

“I did what?”

“Flickers travel between worlds,” she said, speaking fast so she could get to the important part. “But not everyone can do it. Flickers are very rare. You need to have magic. And you need to have a near-death or dangerous or traumatic experience called Ascension. In this case, I almost killed you. That was your Ascension. Ascension triggers your ability to Flicker and sometimes your magic. When I shot a fireball at you, it sparked an instinct in you to defend yourself with magic. But it also did something else: you Ascended.

“So, Ghostfire. Many of your questions have been answered. Tell me about our mutual friend, the Harbinger.”


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2631 Reviews


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Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:20 am
Rydia wrote a review...



Last chapter and then I’ll be up to date! Although, I expect you may have added another chapter or two by the time I’ve finished posting all of these since I’m putting them up one day at a time…

Overall

I’ve not got any specifics about this chapter but I do have a general question around Nyx and her switch from deciding she wouldn’t give any information out before being given her gauntlet to not even trying to bargain for it any more. This felt very odd to me. There has been no change in what information she knows from before and yet she’s now ready to talk to them and she’s not asking for anything in return. I think there needs to at least be a reminder from Nyx that she wants her gauntlet back at the end of this.

Other than that, I think you give us some interesting new information about Flickers and there’s good advancement in this chapter. I’m wondering a little why the other elf isn’t being included in these Corso sections, especially since he’s the first of the two key elf characters we met and we had been led to believe he has a significant part to play.

Lastly, I think you still need to try and bring a bit more description in. You occasionally describe a setting really nicely but there's not enough of that dotted through the chapters and we're still very light on descriptions of the characters and their mannerisms. There isn't anything I can pick out as being a particularly Nyx thing to do. All iconic characters have those things which they are known for - Violet in the series of unfortunate events series always ties her hair up in a ribbon when she needs to think and my favourite character in the book I'm reading at the moment has a habit of stealing hats and trying them on - even in the middle of battle scenes he still finds time to take a hat. But we learned more recently that it's because he likes to play at being different people and he feels like a hat is what makes the part.

But little details like this really help a character stay in a reader's mind or make us feel like we know them and we know what they might do in any given situation.

I hope that helps!

Kind regards,
Heather




Lightsong says...


Omg is it Wayne?! o:



Rydia says...


xD Yes. I was super in love with Wax at first but the more I get into the series the more Wayne grows on me and I just want to give him a hug!



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Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:33 pm
Virgil wrote a review...



Hi there Feltrix! I've reviewed a couple of chapters of Ascension before, so I thought I might come back to do it again on Review Day! With that, let's jump right in.

I'm not sure how many perspectives there are in this novel! I know I reviewed one of Corso and one of Nyx, but I didn't know about the third one. That's interesting to me. I always like seeing multiple perspectives being played around with. The plot that's going on right now is easily the most gripping part of the chapter, which is something that I can very rarely say! I'm not usually drawn to something due to the plot.

It's usually to the characters, though this time the roles are swapped in a way because it's interesting to see the relationship between these characters with a mutual 'friend', which is the Harbinger. It's interesting to see how the characters interact with each other. That's the best part about this whole chapter, how it all leads up to the ending which I found to also be pretty great.

On the other hand, there's also still a lack of description and to be more specific, setting in this chapter. We don't know where they are or what specifically they're doing. Adding context to this in the conversation could definitely be helpful throughout the chapter, because the reader is unsure of where we are. I do have to say though that it's a little odd this is chapter twenty-one.

I understand, though it seems this isn't at all the climax of the novel? I wanted more of a balance here specifically between the thoughts of the main character and the dialogue of the chapter because in one half, there's all the thoughts of Corso running through and in the other half we get the dialogue. It could be argued that the thoughts wouldn't be needed all that much, the first couple paragraphs, unless you decide to sprinkle them more throughout or condense them a little bit because they drag on for awhile.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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Wed Jun 07, 2017 3:09 am
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hello Feltrix! Reviewing this for my 200th review ;)

In the first half of the story, I wasn't particularly sure what Corso was doing other than thinking. Was he just standing outside? Or walking around? I feel as if (and sorry, I've said this MANY times) there's a lack of setting in that place. Take my critiques with a grain of salt, because I am fond of knowing the setting pretty well. This can be just my fault for forgetting, but I'm not sure what is the "supernatural abductor"? Never mind; it must have been Alok xD.

I was also disappointed when Nyx introduced the word "Ascended" without explaining its meaning. Because I'm kind of confused about this, and I assume Corso is, too, because he has barely any knowledge about this magic. Or perhaps does "Ascended" that you're seeing the universe in all its beauty or something like that?

I'm also feeling as though I'm not quite sure yet what is the main conflict. As this is already chapter 21, I wonder if the beginning is dragging or not. Because so far, the characters are paired off and we aren't quite sure what they're going to do. Alsari and Thorn are going to train to save the Myriad, while Corso will deal with Alok and Nyx with the Harbinger maybe? Well, it may be because we're dealing with 4 PoVs... It still feels slow to me.

A sudden question just leaped into my mind: how could Nyx break in to the tree without being spotted by the elves? How could she wander around with getting lost or something? It feels unrealistic if she was able to just Flicker there. And then it must mean she has a great sense of direction to be able to travel her way to the elves' home.

And yes! I'm seeing more and more of a difference between Nyx and Alsari. The only complaint is that I wish I could have seen it earlier. I really like the way the characters are being fleshed out now--I think your characterization is definitely improving.

I ran a hand through my hair, a habit I had when I was stressed.


I guess it shows one of Corso's quirks. I know he's kind of an innocent, curious lad who hasn't done anything wrong yet.

All right, that's all I've got to say. Hope this helped, and don't forget to PM me if you want to talk!

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Courage, my soul! Now learn to wield the weight of thine immortal shield...
— Andrew Marvell