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Young Writers Society



Ascension: Nyx 23 (The Myriad book 1)

by Feltrix


It was difficult to maintain an uncaring, aloof expression in such a tense situation. Corso wasn’t even bothering to hide his confusion about my mention of the Myriad and the Harbinger, but Taanyth, curse him, was still maintaining an expression of icy calm. There was more to the old man than met the eye. I knew I could have Corso spouting his darkest secrets if he was left alone with me for another half hour, but Taanyth was going to be troublesome, so I kept pressure on Corso, targeting the weak point.

“So, Ghostfire,” I said. “Many of your questions have been answered. Tell me about our mutual friend, the Harbinger.”

Corso was flummoxed and Taanyth’s gaze shifted to the boy, but his impassive expression didn’t change.

Corso sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I… he… I lived in a village called Stratha.” He supplied a bitter laugh. “Well, I say ‘lived,’ but it was yesterday. So much has happened since then.” He proceeded to explain how his village had descended into madness. Corso wasn’t a very good storyteller. He hadn’t had much experience, and so he glossed over important details and forgot some of the smaller ones.

“These symbols,” I interrupted. “What did they look like? Could you draw one?”

“I don’t have any paper,” he said. “Or ink. But it was a circle with two spirals twisting towards a solid black circle at the center.”

I felt the color drain from my face. “You’re sure?” I pressed. “You’re sure it was that exact design?”

“Yes,” Corso confirmed. “Why? What does it mean?”

“That symbol has been found all across the Myriad,” I said. “For milenium. Some say there’s a Flicker cult revolving around it. Others think it’s the mark of an interplanar secret organization. But in almost every case of the mark appearing, it’s been connected to-” I cut myself off, not wanting to give too much away.

“It’s connected to Parallax the Mindbreaker and Phyrza the Hooded,” Taanyth finished, voice just above a whisper.

“How do you know those names?” I hissed, all thoughts of the Harbinger forgotten.

Taanyth ignored me. “Go on, Corso,” he said.

“I’d prefer to hear the answer to Nyx’s question,” Corso replied. For a moment I thought I caught a hint of the smirk I made a point of wearing on my face. I made a mental note not to underestimate him.

It was hard to tell through his beard, but I guessed Taanyth was grimacing. “I’m afraid I can’t answer that at the moment.” The elf gave me a pointed sideways glance. “Not in front of the Alchemist.”

Taanyth was trying to shift attention off of himself, the same tactic I had just used. We were both focused on a far more important question: why had the Eternals left their mark in a tiny, insignificant village on Alaran.

All at once, it dawned on me. It was Corso. Corso was the reason. Of all the people in the village, Corso was the sole person who hadn’t gone mad within the course of a few hours. He was being targeted by the Harbinger. He was a Flicker. There was more to him than met the eye. Somehow Corso had gotten himself tangled up in a dangerous game stretching across the Myriad without even knowing it.

I watched Taanyth’s expression, but nothing changed. Corso continued with his story, which offered few surprises after the mark of the Eternals appeared. When he described his battle with me, his description of Ascension left no doubt in my mind that he was a Flicker. I had expected him to have be a trained pyromancer, but it wasn’t unheard of for people to show extraordinary uses of magic when they Ascended.

“...and here I am now,” Corso finished.

“Taanyth, I need to speak with you. Alone,” I said. Corso opened his mouth to object. “Now.”

“Corso, do you mind terribly about leaving us?” Taanyth asked. Corso closed his mouth, his expression making it clear that yes, he did. Still, he walked to the door and left.

“Do you have any idea who he is?” I asked, my voice just under a shout. My composure had cracked. I had never expected to get involved with the Eternals, never wanted to.

“I know exactly who he is,” Taanyth replied, no signs of worry showing on his lined face. “Do you?”

“No!” I cried. “That’s what terrifies me! He’s, what, fourteen, he barely knows about magic, and yet the Harbinger wants him dead. Normally that would be enough to make him interesting, but he’s involved with the Eternals. The bloody Eternals, Taanyth! Who is he?” I was breathless with worry, my voice had gained a hint of my old accent as it often did when I was under this much stress.

“He is under my protection,” Taanyth said.

“Under your…” I couldn’t help but give a hysterical laugh. “Listen to me, elf, the Eternals lived millions of years ago and their technology alone was more powerful than any magic we have today. And their magic made them powerful enough to destroy worlds. Do you know why they’re not here today? Because two of them, Phyrza the Hooded and Parallax the Mindbreaker killed the rest. Now Corso is involved with them. You trying to protect him is like....” I struggled to find a good analogy. “Like trying to shoot down the sun with a broken bow.”

“He is under my protection,” Taanyth repeated. I was speechless. The elf had a death wish. Worse, now I was connected with him. “And you’re going to help Corso fight the Alok.”

“What?” I sputtered. How could the idiotic old man focus on something so trivial?

“The Alok has been attacking my people,” Taanyth said, and then he did something I didn’t expect. He placed his hand on my chair. His hand glowed with druidic magic and because my chair and bonds grew directly from the tree, they obeyed him. The chair reflexed and my bonds retracted into it, releasing me. “You’re going to help Corso stop it. If you try to Flicker away, the Harbinger will find you. If you try to kill him, I have no doubt the Eternals will give you a fate worse than death.”

I was stunned. “How can you focus on something like that when you have the Eternals to worry about?” I said, almost speechless with frustration. But on the other hand, he was right. If he wanted me to help Corso now, there was little I could do to argue.

Taanyth stood and walked towards the door. “I’ll provide accommodations for you and Corso and arrange to have your gauntlet returned. Good luck, Alchemist.”


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Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:52 pm
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Rydia wrote a review...



It seems I have a few chapters to catch up on :)

Specifics

1. This chapter is very dialogue heavy and could use a few more lines of description to help slow the pace and build the atmosphere. There's a lot of great information coming out but it feels very rushed.

2.

All at once, it dawned on me. It was Corso. Corso was the reason. Of all the people in the village, Corso was the sole person who hadn’t gone mad within the course of a few hours. He was being targeted by the Harbinger. He was a Flicker. There was more to him than met the eye.
The last sentence here isn't necessary. Saying he's a flicker already tells us there's something more interesting about him and repeating it with a cliche isn't necessary.

3. Why would Corso bother to describe his battle with Nyx? They were both there so why bother? Is it for Taanyth's benefit?

Overall

There's a lot of fun stuff going on this chapter but it's also very heavy with new things we need to understand. We find out about the eternals and at the same time we find out that's a terrible name for them since two of them killed all the others. We also find out Corso is interesting, even for a flicker, and I wonder if that's too much for one chapter. It also feels like Nyx and Taanyth have much better dialogue/ actions in this chapter than Corso himself who's just kind of brushed out of the way and willingly leaves them to it. I don't remember if he was particularly passive in previous parts as well as its been a while but I think he needs to be at least a bit angry about that. He's the one who has just lost all his village, found out someone is trying to have him killed and discovered that there are lots of weird things which exist which he doesn't know about and yet he's not allowed to be part of the adult discussions? I'd be very annoyed about that.

Anyway, just a few small observations! Hopefully I'll be able to give more complete feedback at the next chapter.

~Heather




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Sun Aug 27, 2017 10:56 pm
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Kale wrote a review...



Hello hello, and Happy Review Day! On behalf of the Knights of the Green Room, and as a representative of the Will Review for Food forum, I am here to rescue your work from the back of the Green Room with a (hopefully healthy) dose of #TNT .

With that said, I think it worth noting that I haven't read the previous parts (or if I did, I don't remember doing so), so if I bring up something that was already addressed in those, feel free to disregard me. ;P

I do vaguely remember reading the project thread for this over in Writers Corner though, so there's that.

Unfortunately, this isn't going to be much of a review because I have no idea what's going on despite having read the thread, and this chapter is so short, there's not much to work off of without any knowledge of the prior happenings that lead to this particular point of the story.

Something I'd recommend doing is perhaps including a summary of the important events thus far, to make it easier for reviewers like myself to hop in and hopefully leave more helpful feedback, and perhaps even attract more readers by using the summary + chapter as a sort of teaser.

It's something to consider, at any rate.




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Sun Aug 27, 2017 9:15 pm
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hey Feltrix, here for a Review Day critique!

So things are surely moving. There's something creepy about the "Eternals" and that sign. I wonder how this is related to the academy Thorn and Alsari are part of. I'm really, really curious to know what'll happen next and naturally, I'm looking forward to the next part. Plus Nyx lost her temper and started shouting, instead of snarking around like she usually does.

Corso feels pretty flat to me in the scene. Even though Nyx and Taanyth both know something about this, I'm feeling as though he's passively doing things--when he asked a question, they told him to leave. And then he left, calmly. I would have liked to have seen a stronger reaction from him because this makes me feel as though he's flat.

To think about it, I have a teeny tiny guess that Alok might be somehow related to Eternals? Or maybe it's just me trying to connect the dots together xD. Anyway, like I've said before, I'm looking forward to the next part. Hope this ramble helped~

-Ink




Feltrix says...


You're definitely right about Corso's reaction. He's been seeming more passive than I want him to for a little while, actually. At the moment, though, I'm trying to finish one draft of the book so I can do a full revision instead of a chapter-by-chapter revision, so you're previous, current, and future suggestions might not show up immediately, but I always take reviews into account. Thanks for the review, as always!




If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.
— Peter Handke