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Ascension: Alsari 20 (The Myriad book 1)

by Feltrix


My pulse pounded in my ears, drowning out any sound that I might have heard. Thørn left to explore the room the Eternian Academy had provided, I had fled into mine.

I didn’t know what the room looked like; I stumbled towards my cot and collapsed. I was drowning in a sea of conflicting emotions. I’d been trying to keep them hidden ever since I fought the thief, but I couldn’t hold them back any longer.

This was the first time I’d had a chance to take in the enormity of what had happened. When I’d left Karadan, it had been apocalyptic. I’d fled for my life. I’d been engaged in a battle with a criminal minutes after arriving on Archora, and then knocked out by an Eternian Academy device. I’d questioned Estra and then fought her, and then questioned Eternia and Quint.

The turmoil washed over me, sweeping aside my mental barriers. I was falling, drowning, spinning, flying. The Myriad was nothing, it didn’t matter. Karadan was gone. My world was dead.

Confusion, fury, misery, desolation, the emotions were pushed to the surface of my mind. I was being torn apart, ravaged.

I might have lain there for days, my chest heaving and my eyes squeezed shut. Time worked in a different way, stretching seconds for days, and hours being compressed into minutes. The final vision of my world was pressed against my eyes. A charred landscaping, a world on fire, splintering into millions of pieces like glass.

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Quint was drumming his fingers on his desk as Thørn and I entered his cramped study. The walls were plastered with charts and diagrams, maps of cities and blueprints for devices and buildings. I recognized a few as alchemical recipes. Papers covered most of Quints desk, and pillars of papers stood in the corners. A few loose leaves of paper littered the floor.

The drumming of Quint’s fingers stopped and he stood to greet us. “Ah, good. You’re here,” he observed. “Have you reached a decision?”

“About?” Thørn asked, though I was quite sure he knew. He liked to skirt around questions, draw things out.

“The Academy’s proposal,” Quint said.

“You mean the one where Kyra asked us to join?”

“Yes, that one.”

“I’ve decided to accept it,” Thørn said, a bit resigned.

Quint smiled. “I’m glad you’ve come to that conclusion,” he said. “And you, Alsari?”

I paused. “I… have decided to join, as well,” I sighed. What I didn’t tell him was that I wasn’t joining because I wanted to. Joining the Eternian Academy was not much better than being locked in it’s dungeons. But I needed to know how much they knew about me, and how powerful they were. If I was to believe them, it would be hard to run from the Academy, even if I could escape this building.

“Wonderful!” Quint said, clapping his hands together. “You’re training will begin in half an hour. Down the hallway, two rights, can’t miss it.”

“Training?” I objected. “I’ve been traveling the Myriad for-” I caught myself. “For a long time. I don’t need your training.”

“Humor me,” Quint said. I turned to leave, but Quint stopped me. “Wait! Hold out your arms.”

I extended my arms. Each one still had the magic inhibiting manacles clamped on to them. Quint wrapped his fingers around them, and they fell away with a click. A whisper of a smile brushed across my face as my magic returned.

“How did you do that?” I asked. “Technomancy?” On Archora, as well as a few other worlds I’d visited, mages were only capable of using a specialized kind of magic, but Quint shook his head.

“Alchemy,” he said. “Did you know that everyone in the Myriad has a different fingerprint? We’ve recently developed technology that allows for us to use that to our advantage. The cuffs come off at the touch of either me or Kyra.”

I nodded my thanks. “I’ll see you in half an hour.”

Thørn and I strode down the stone hallway, and I felt like I was greeting an old friend. My gait was steadier, I was once again able to see past eyesight, feeling everything the stone touched. I allowed myself a tiny smile.

Thørn, however, was lost in thought. “Have you ever seen a world like this?” he asked.

“No two worlds are the same,” I told him, not really listening. I reached out to brush the granite walls, my fingers leaving tiny trails in the rock.

“No… But our technology,” Thørn clarified. “From what I saw in your mind… I didn’t see much, but it was nothing like what’s on Archora.”

The telepath was right. So much of this technology was beyond anything I’d seen before.

“What were those machines that captured us?” I asked.

“The Clockwork is what they’re called,” Thørn said. “They were created to do dangerous or tedious jobs. Now, they’re used for almost everything.”

“You’re right,” I said. “This world might be the most advanced in the Myriad… by centuries. I’ve heard this is a common place for alchemists to come, but I never realized how far ahead of the rest of the Myriad it was.”

Thørn’s eyes lost focus and he stopped walking. “I wish… I wish I could go,” he said. “Out into the Myriad. Beyond this world. I want to explore everything. I want to breath air on another world, see creatures in another universe, learn legends from beyond the horizon. I want to learn everything.”

Thørn turned to me, and his eyes sparkled with hope and wonder that I hadn’t felt in far too long. He reminded me of myself long ago.

“Some day,” I told him. “We’ll leave the Academy. Some day, you’ll see what it’s like. I promise you this, Thørn Feltrix, you’ll get your wish.”


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Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:19 am
Rydia wrote a review...



Specifics

1. This is a strong introduction and a very good description of Alsari’s emotions and her last memory of her world. Nice start!

2.

Papers covered most of Quints desk, and pillars of papers stood in the corners. A few loose leaves of paper littered the floor.


3.
“Wonderful!” Quint said, clapping his hands together. “You’re Your training will begin in half an hour. Down the hallway, two rights, can’t miss it.”
I think you made this mistake once before. It may help to always think of ‘you’re’ as you are and to then try reading the sentence with you are instead and see if it works, or if it should instead be your.

4. Alsari seems to know too much about the world she is currently on for someone who has only just arrived and been busy since she got here fighting with a criminal and then being kidnapped. How does she already know that mages on this world each have one specific magic? Was this something she learned about the world when she lived on her own or has she actually been here longer than your introduction to this chapter suggests?

5.
“No… But our technology,” Thørn clarified. “From what I saw in your mind… I didn’t see much, but it was nothing like what’s on Archora.”
This is awkward because Thorn is too presumptuous. What he saw was a flicker of the world when it was dying so it’s too big a jump for him to assume Alsari’s world wasn’t as advanced in technology as his own.

6.
I want to explore everything. I want to breathe air on another world, see creatures in another universe, learn legends from beyond the horizon. I want to learn everything.”


7.
“Some day,” I told him. “We’ll leave the Academy. Some day, you’ll see what it’s like. I promise you this, Thørn Feltrix, you’ll get your wish.”
This doesn’t fit with what we’ve seen so far of Alsari’s personality or the way she talks. It’s too soon for her to be dropping her guard completely or being quite so companionable with Thorn.

Overall

This chapter flows pretty well but it maybe feels a little rushed and the dialogue comes across as more idealistic rather than realistic. Which is fine when it comes from Quint or Thorn since their characters are quite positive/ idealistic people. Thorn however is still dealing with the destruction of her world and a lot of bitterness and distrust so a few things from her feel a bit out of place in this chapter. And I think it’s really important for you to keep that differentiation as most of your characters are more idealistic than not and having Alsari and Nyx for the contrast is very important.

I hope this helps a little! See you again soon for the next part!

~Heather




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Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:50 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review on Review Day!

I'm reviewing backwards. I know. It's silly. I'm reading from the perspective of someone I don't think I've reviewed before, though! Alsari. This chapter is a little shorter than the other one I just reviewed, or at least, it feels that way. What I've found to be a popular trend, at least for this chapter and the last chapter I reviewed is that you like breaking off and having a time skip after four or five paragraphs in. I'm unsure if this is a habit of yours, though I'm not sure if I enjoy it all that much. Why would we start off in that way if we're just going to jump to something else? It's a little confusing, at least to me.

Moving on from that and into the actual meat of the chapter, which is what I tend to enjoy more with this novel of yours. I like how this chapter ends up going, especially with Alsari and Kyra join the academy, something that changes the plot in a large way. We see that Thorn is promised that he'll be able to see Myriad, which is something that seems exciting in the future, especially for them because they've been sort of contained and restricted from that freedom they're wanting.

We see Thorn's motivation well in that moment at the end of the chapter. Alsari is quite the interesting character as well, so that's nice. There doesn't need to be as much description in this chapter and I thought that the pacing actually isn't that bad here. It's more a chapter that progresses the plot and doesn't have to have some sort of action included. I like that for a change, this lighter tone. It ends a bit more hopeful than the other chapters.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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Wed May 31, 2017 2:17 pm
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



So hello Feltrix.

This marks an important plot event!

I guess until Quint removed Alsari's manacles I had forgotten it was even there. Maybe it could be a good idea to occasionally mention it, so that the reader doesn't forget about it. I scanned the most recent Alsari and Thorn chapters (two) and couldn't find it? I guess it'd be annoying if you kept talking about it, but sliding it into the narrative can remind the reader, "Hey, the manacles are still there".

“Training?” I objected. “I’ve been traveling the Myriad for-” I caught myself. “For a long time. I don’t need your training.”


Ahaha--Alsari has a bit of an ego here. So right now I start to see her differentiate from Nyx. She's maybe more lonely and resigned now.

I really liked the end of it. Maybe now they've become friends! The one note I want to point out is that Thorn quickly becomes comfortable around her, even minus manacles? Or is because of that horrible memory he glimpsed? I remember that he was nervous (right, the girl who handled about twenty soldiers).

I believe that's all I've got here!

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Feltrix says...


Yeah, I'm glad you noticed the difference between Alsari and Nyx, because in my head, there's definitely a difference. I just have trouble translating it to paper sometimes.




Oh yeah. Blame it on the assistants Jack.
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