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Young Writers Society



Ascension: Thørn 14 (The Myriad book 1)

by Feltrix


"Multiverse?” I repeated. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ve never heard of the theory of the multiverse?” Kyra said. She sighed, and began pacing around her study. “It’s a theory that instead of just what we see, there are more than one universe. They’re not parallel universes, where they differ in a specific way, and they’re not alternate timelines, where time took a different course. They’re completely different.” I felt a twist in my gut. That sounded similar to my trauma-induced hallucination. Too similar to be a coincidence. “Well, it’s not just a theory, Mr. Feltrix. We live in a multiverse called the Myriad.”

“That’s….” My every instinct urged me to condemn the thought and dub Solar mad. But I couldn’t. It fit like a key in a lock with my ‘vision’ earlier that day. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t dismiss that thought as crazy either. I couldn’t believe it, but I was actually entertaining the thought.

“That’s the truth,” the Regent said. “And you know it. You can’t hide your thoughts from me. That’s all.”

“No it’s not,” I insisted in a rare fit of defiance. “You….you can’t just say something like that and just expect me to go on like nothing happened!”

“Nothing did happen,” Solar replied, voice devoid of emotion. “The Myriad has always been there, you just didn’t know about it.”

“....True, but a little explanation would be appreciated.”

“I see.” Kyra seemed to think this was an unexpected idea and took a moment to respond. “You probably think this city is the world. It’s nothing. It’s a small patch of a tiny planet floating in a universe the size of a grain of sand. That’s all any of this is, really. I’m not significant; this entire city could be wiped off the face of Archora and it wouldn’t make a difference. But you….You’re different. You’re a Flicker.”

My head was whirling with information, but my thirst for knowledge was unquenchable. “What does that mean?”

“Your magic is….different. You’re not constrained by the barriers of our universe. You can travel between worlds.

“Do you have any idea what that means, Thørn?” Kyra’s excitement and passion leaked into her voice, finally displaying emotion. “It means you can change it. Change the Myriad.” Regent Solar walked to the single window of her office, looking down on the city. “Look at them. There are millions of people in that city, millions of lives, each with their own cares and challenges. Each one has people that they love, a life to live. And all of them together can’t come close to making the difference you can.” She bowed her head, supporting herself on the sill. “I need your help, Feltrix. The Myriad needs your help.”

“Help with what?” Through the flurry of information, I managed to pick out the fact that Solar wanted me to do something for her.

“I think you should talk to Quint.”

She indicated the door. I exited through it, my head swamped with questions. Quint was waiting for me. When I came into view, he studied my face, trying to judge my reaction.

“What do you think?” he asked at last. “Is she mad? Are we all mad? Are you mad?”

I shook my head. “No,” I said, my voice hoarse. “She’s right. About all of it.”

Quint’s face split into a smile, and for a moment I thought he was going to hug me. “I was hoping you’d say that,” he said. “In that case, there’s someone you have to meet.”

“How many flights of stairs was that?” I asked Quint when we reached the bottom.

“Well….they’re not really flights, since they’re spiraled,” he explained. “But we’re forty-two floors below the Regent’s office, and five hundred seventeen steps. I’ve been walking up and down them for over a decade, and Regent Solar’s office isn’t the highest floor. And this isn’t the lowest.”

“So….who is it you want me to meet?” I asked, wondering just how big this tower was.

“Another Flicker,” he replied. “Alsari the Stoneshaper. She’s….not native.”

‘Not native?’ I thought. What’s that supposed to mean?

I was lead down a passage, past rooms that were curtained off from the rest of the hallway. “What’s in there?” I wondered aloud.

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Quint replied without looking at me, ending that conversation.

The hallway was stony, almost cavelike, and for a moment we continued on in silence.

“Why is it that I’m supposed to meet this person?” I asked.

“She’s another Flicker that we recruited today,” Quint replied.

“Two in one day? I thought Flickers were uncommon.”

“Oh, they’re very rare. We’re usually lucky to get two in a year,” Quint said. “Anyway, she’s had a….hard time adapting to the Academy, so we decided to explain to her the purpose of the Academy. And, since you’re new as well, I suggested that we tell you both at the same time.”

“It doesn’t sound like I’m really meeting someone,” I said. This was by far the most eventful day of my life; I was surprised with myself at how calm I was being.

“In here.” Quint directed me into a room and I froze. Inside the room were three people. One was a soldier, like the ones I’d seen coming in. The second was Kyra (how had she gotten here so fast?), but neither of them were the ones that grabbed my attention.

My heart skipped a beat when I recognized the third person. She was a few years older than me, yet she had white hair. Her skin was far too pale, and her grey eyes had a silvery sheen. She was the girl I’d seen through Manfred the soldier’s eyes. She had taken on twenty soldiers and a mage.

Quint didn’t seem to notice my apprehension. “Thørn Feltrix, this is Alsari the Stoneshaper.”


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2631 Reviews


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Tue Jul 18, 2017 3:07 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



So I’m still in Paris, but I’m probably going to post these slowly over the next few days so I don’t drop out of the tortoise race, but I’m going to see if I can at least write most of the reviews back to back. I may even get through all your current chapters before I get home since I have a 15 hour journey on the way back as well.

Specifics

1.

“It’s a theory that instead of just what we see, there are more than one universe.
This feels awkward, though I think it may be correctly phrased because ‘universes’ would sound wrong too. Perhaps rephrase it to ‘… there are multiple universes’ or ‘there isn’t only one universe’.

2.
And as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t dismiss thatthought as crazy either. I couldn’t believe it, but I was actually entertaining the thought.
You’re missing a space here.

3. 517 steps seems very few for 40 floors down. I did a quick google and most sources suggest there are at most 25 steps (2 flights of 12 and one landing) between two floors of a building and at least 17 (2 flights of 8 and one landing). This would suggest it should be between 680 and 1000 steps. With it being a spiral staircase, it may be on the bigger side of that.

Overall

I’ve not found much to critique in this chapter – the dialogue flows easily and we get a good idea of how Thorn feels about everything he has been told and we even get to see his worry when he realises who Alsari is and what she’s capable of. I think that’s a really nice way to end the chapter.

My only quibble would be that a few things moved very quickly, such as the explanation of what a Flicker is and that there are multiple worlds out there. I’d have liked to see Kyra give Thorn a bit more background and to prepare him more before telling him that he’s a Flicker and has these mysterious abilities himself. If they find one or two people like this a year then she should be used to telling people about what they are and perhaps a little less excited about it. Finding two a year makes it not all that rare afterall.

~Heather




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Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:33 pm
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hello there--I'm here to simultaneously bring your work out of the Green Room and do another promised review!

Universes! Myriad! Flickers! There's quite a bit of information here, but I had no trouble digesting it. I think it's the perfect amount. It's the amount where I'm not overwhelmed, but enough to fascinate me more.

For the overall arc, in this chapter, I was hoping for the real meat of the story: the "inciting incident". I just learned that Thorn is a Flicker and what he can do--and that's it. Kyra said that she needed his help, but other than that, both Thorn and I were left in the dark. I guess I'll read this eventually, but maybe you could drop some foreshadowing here, some hinting so I can wonder what is it about. The reason I'm saying this is: this is about the 14th chapter, and even with multiple POVs, if the inciting incident is SO far off, I'll be bored.

This time, again, there was a lack of setting here. Partly because this chapter was dialogue heavy--and some of the previous ones too. I also thought that the pacing of the dialogue was a bit off. For example,

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Quint replied without looking at me, ending that conversation.

“Why is it that I’m supposed to meet this person?” I asked, breaking the silence.


Would Thorn immediately break the silence (that is, unless that's his character)? From reading this, that's what it's implying. If there fell some silence between them, maybe you could use it to have Thorn look up. Or down. Or around. Like I said before, no need to overload on details, but a couple would be nice in my opinion :)

One part I was confused about:

The third person was a few years older than me, yet she had white hair. She had unnaturally pale skin, and silvery eyes. She was the girl I’d seen through Manfred the soldier’s eyes. She had taken on twenty soldiers and a mage.

Quint didn’t seem to notice my apprehension. “Thørn Feltrix, this is Alsari the Stoneshaper.”


I didn't feel the apprehension here. I was startled when the next sentence mentioned he was afraid of Alsari.

But other than the notes I mentioned above, this chapter was a fascinating read and I'm really interested to know how he and Alsari will interact! I'll be moving on to your next chapter as fast as I can and I hope you have a great day!

~Princess Ink~




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Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:13 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello, Feltrix! Kara Stevens here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Grammar:

Multiverse?”


There should be a quotation mark before "multiverse".

“I see.” Kyra seemed to think this was an unexpected idea.


Instead of a period after "see", there should be a comma.

“No.” I said


Again, instead of a period, there should be a comma.

“What’s in their?” I wondered allowed.


"Their" should be "there" and "allowed" should be "aloud".

That's it for grammar issues!

Confusion/Overall:

There was no confusion. This story flowed really well and you also explained everything very well. To answer your comment below, no, you did not load too much info into one chapter. I think that putting the information in this chapter is very appropriate for this sort of thing. I didn't know the information before and now I do, which makes this chapter essential to the story. Then again, I didn't read any of the other Thørn parts so this makes it even better.

I really enjoyed this work and I sure hope that I review some more of your works soon! Well, if I have the time between schoolwork and bonus schoolwork and reading Game of Thrones and **rants** and okay I'll see if I review some more of your works soon! :D :D :D

Keep on writing!--

Kara R. Stevens




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Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:18 am
Feltrix says...



Did I load too much info into one chapter?





Maybe we're all just complex human beings with skewed perceptions of each other.
— Ventomology