Thørn and Quint were still studying as I wandered through the library of the Eternian Academy. Both of them, but Thørn in particular could research for hours at a time and seemed to enjoy the work they were doing for the mission. I, on the other hand, got impatient and bored after twenty minutes or less, so I’d taken a walk through the enormous library.
The shear size of the structure was incredible. I’d seen amazing things throughout the Myriad, but this was the biggest human made thing that I’d visited.
With a slight jolt, I recognized the rolled animal hides that lined the shelves around me. I pulled one out at random and opened it. I was in the Karadan section of the library. A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I realized that the only books that would be added to the section would concern its end.
I replaced the scroll and continued down the down the aisle until something jumped out at me. Oracles, the section was labeled. I pulled out one of the texts at random, skimming it, and tossing it away. It was written about two hundred years earlier than I was looking for. I skimmed through three more before I found what I was looking for. I opened a handwritten journal dated to be about one hundred years old. The author had been cataloguing the religious and practical roles of oracles on Karadan. I didn’t care who the person was, I just wanted to see words written about Keil.
After the death of Oracle Moradar, aged four hundred eighty-nine, he was succeeded by his young protégée, Keil. Many have argued that she was too young gaining the mantle of oracle and this played a role in her untimely death. Her time as oracle lasted only two years, and so when she died without naming or training a successor, the religious order of her tribe fell into disarray.
During her brief career, Keil only prophesied one major event, but that event would shake the world of Karadan to its very core. Her actions have been called reckless and foolhardy at best, and at worst, heresy punishable by death. She predicted
The pages were peppered with what looked like burn holes. They had seemed random at a glance, but on closer inspection, it looked like someone had been censoring what the author had been writing. At first, I suspected that it was the Eternian Academy, but this cover up was far more sloppy than what they had done to conceal information. Burning books, even a little bit, wasn’t their style. It was, however, tactics that I’d experienced firsthand at the hands of religious zealots on Karadan. The brand on my arm tingled at the thought. I continued reading.
Keil’s greatest legacy wasn’t even her doing. Her death compelled the individual known as Alsari the Stoneshaper to
Again, the text was burnt, this time for almost half of a page.
The event was perhaps the most monumental act committed on Karadan, demolishing its religious structure as well as eliminating the impact the gods had on the environment and the people that lived there.
I set the journal aside. It was done talking about Keil. I didn’t know the exact words that had been burned out of the journal, but I was sure they had pertained to my role in the death of the gods of Karadan.
The journal annoyed me. In some strange way, I felt like I was connecting to Keil when I read about her, even though I knew everything the text told me. I hated more than I could put into words that Keil was remembered as nothing more than the catalyst for my actions. My legacy was smothering hers.
“Did you find something interesting?” Thørn asked. I hadn’t heard him approach.
I shut the book with a snap. “No,” I said. “I was just about to come back.”
“This section is on Karadan,” Thørn said, studying the shelves. “What were you reading?”
“It’s not important,” I replied. “What did you come here for?”
Thørn wasn’t going to let the book go, but he stopped asking me about it for the moment. “Solar got some new information. The time table for the mission has been moved up.”
“To when?”
“...Now.”
“We’re leaving now?”
“Yes. Come on.”
We strode down the gaps between shelves. We could have made better time if I had been less reluctant to go on a rushed mission for the Eternian Academy and Thørn wasn’t distracted by a book he spotted every fifteen seconds.
“Do you know what made Kyra want us to leave so fast?” I asked.
Thørn shook his head. “I assume something changed in Laryn and Taanyth’s situation. Either that or the Eternian Academy needs them for something that has become more urgent. But they didn’t tell me anything.”
“Of course not. Did you ask?”
“Of course,” Thørn said. “Quint said something about ‘classified.’ But he did mention that Eira and Quint are coming with us.”
“Are they both Flickers?” I asked.
“I mean, they have to be, don’t they?”
“Not necessarily,” I said. “It’s possible to bring small objects between worlds without much trouble. Clothes, weapons, that sort of thing. With some exertion, it’s possible to bring larger things and people. But that seems risky, given that you’ve never Flickered before.”
“Why would it be dangerous?”
“You’re sending people hurtling through the non-space between worlds, keeping them from oblivion by sheer willpower,” I said.
“That makes sense.”
“The question is, why are both of them coming with us?”
“Kyra Solar doesn’t seem like the type to take avoidable risks,” Thørn said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Which means it’s essential that they both come with us, or they’ve found some way to minimize the risk.” He paused for a moment, chewing his lip. “This seems unlikely, but it’s possible. I looked into it, and both Eira and Quint are high ranking members of the Eternian Academy.”“How high?”
“I don’t know for sure, but I think they’re only only a rank or two below Solar. What if one of them got too power hungry, and the Regent is trying to get rid of one of them?”
“Why wouldn’t she just demote that one of them? Killing them seems a bit extreme.”
“Like I said, I don’t think it would happen. It would be a clumsy murder attempt anyway. It would hinge around my failure, and a plan should never count on someone’s incompetence.” We continued in silence, but soon a smile crawled across Feltrix’s face.
“What? What’s so interesting?”
“It’s just…” Thørn looked away for a moment. “We’re going to another world. A few weeks ago, I would never have believed it was possible. I know it must seem normal to you now, but…”
“No. No, it’s not normal. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from traveling the Myriad it’s that there’s no such thing as normal.”
I watched Thørn for a little while longer. He was young, innocent, and giddy with excitement. How much longer could he live like that before the Myriad either crushed that out of him like it had done to me or killed him like it done to Keil?
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Canary word: Present
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Hey there, Feltrix! I'm here for a quick review on this fine Review Day and I hope you'll forgive me for not having read the previous parts of this.
I think my biggest critique has to do with the first part of the chapter, as your main character is browsing the books and reflecting on this seer and her prophecies and the censorship. Specifically, I feel like it takes too long for Alsari to have an emotional reaction to what she's reading. She's clearly very tired, worn, and bitter, but that doesn't start to come through until right before Thorn comes in (sorry, I don't know how to do the weird character in his name). I think this scene would be a lot more powerful if you infused that emotion from the beginning.
Also, when the book's paragraphs breaks into the burned sections, it would make more sense if you had an ellipses or a dash to show that it ends there. It just felt odd to have it end like that.
This is kind of boring - instead try to show us how huge this library is, and particularly to get across the atmosphere of the place. Is it grand and mysterious? Stuffy and cluttered? Tomb-like or busy? That sort of thing. It would add a lot to the scene.
This was just an awkward sentence.
At the end, the conversation between Thorn and your main character wound up feeling like it was taking place in a white room - it turned into just dialogue, without really any interaction with the setting or movement. It's generally better to avoid that so the story feels more rounded.
And that's all I've got! Good luck, and keep writing!
Thanks for the suggestions! They won't show up on YWS until the second draft of the story, but I will take everything you say into account.
Hey there! Moalex here for a review. I have not read any of your previous works or chapters of this story so I'll keep any questions pertaining to plot, characters, and settings out of this.
For the most part, your writing is really consistent. There really isn't much for me to say other than go back and proofread your work. Maybe you'll find some sentences you want to reword, maybe you'll find some basic grammar errors you looked over, but it's really up to you.
I think I happened upon some down time or research time for your story. Personally, I found it really boring because I personally favor action. It also doesn't help that I didn't read your other chapters so did not know any of your characters personally so don't take this part into too much consideration.
Other than that, keep up the great work and keep writing!