z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Settlement

by Dracula


Suzy Porter held tightly onto the hand of her five year old daughter, Agatha, as they rode in the horse carriage. They were travelling to a newly settled beachside town, along with ten or so other families, and the people’s excitement was showing. Suzy could eager chatter from the other carriages, and the men on horses were singing songs and boasting about their new businesses. Even the horses stamped their hooves merrily against the dirt.

“What does our house look like, mummy?” Agatha said, her wide eyes looking at her.

“I’m not sure, darling,” Suzy squeezed the little hand, “but it’s going to be wonderful.” And she was positive that it would be; the governors had built her a cottage behind the schoolhouse, so appearance was important. They wouldn’t want their rich, upper-class children to be sent to a school with an ugly shack behind it.

“And you’ll have lots of friends to make at the school.” Suzy was to be the town’s first teacher. She didn’t have a background in education, but her late-husband had been, and as a result Suzy’s mind was full of wonderful knowledge.

“I’m looking forward to school!” Agatha grinned. She had never actually been, since she was only five, and this new year would be her first. There were a lot of ‘firsts’ happening now. The first ride to their new home, the first settlers, the first night in a strange bed, the first school, the first community meal. Suzy was looking forward to that first meal; as soon as the settlers had unpacked their things, they were to meet in the town hall and dine together.

“Yes,” she confirmed, “we’re going to make a lot of friends.” Suzy heard a knock on the carriage window, and looked out to see the cheery face of one of the riders, the man who would be their banker. Agatha waved at him, and he returned the greeting.

“We’re almost there,” he declared, “just ten minutes or so.”

“I would like to thank each and every one of you for making this journey.” The Mayor’s voice bellowed from his spot at the head of the long table, all the way to the other end of the hall. “I hope, that as our little town grows, we will become one big, loving family.” The hall was beautiful, made with red brick and decorated with paper napkin flowers. The long wooden table itself was decorated with posies of blossoms which grew naturally by the shoreline.

“Now, why don’t we all tuck in!” He raised his glass, as did all those seated at the community table, “To our new home!”

“To our new home!” Suzy cheered, flinging her half-filled glass of wine into the air. Agatha spilt some water on her dress as she raised her own cup of apple juice. Before them, on the wooden surface, was a cornucopia of delicious foods. Pies and tarts, salads, rye bread and meat, all theirs for the taking. The two young ladies eagerly filled their plates, ravenous after the long journey.

“This is yummy,” Agatha said as she shoved a slice of bread into her mouth, not bothering to butter it. Suzy elegantly laced the butter knife over her’s, and then moaned as she tasted the loaf.

“It reminds me of the bread Mr Hause used to make for us,” she noted the confusion on Agatha’s face and added, “Lizzie’s dad, you remember?” The little girl nodded then. Elizabeth Hause had been her babysitter back home- well, this was their home now. The beautiful little settlement by the beach, with its cottages speckled over freshly seeded hills and meadows.

“I’m glad you like it,” A plump, middle aged woman said. She was seated a couple people down from Suzy, and flicked up a hand in greeting. “I’m Doris, just Doris. I’m the baker here.”

“Well,” Suzy wiped her mouth with a handkerchief, maintaining the poise and elegance expected of a teacher, “your skills are clearly evident.” Agatha coughed, eager to be introduced, and Suzy promptly obeyed. “I’m Suzy Porter, the schoolmistress, and this is my daughter, Agatha.”

“Suzy and Agatha. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is mine,” the little girl nodded, practising the social skills her mother had taught. Though children would always be looked upon with a tickle of humour, it was just as important for Agatha to maintain a good reputation. She had to be the model student.

“I’m her husband,” a burly looking man beside her piped up, “though she likes to think otherwise. Gilbert’s the name.”

“Pleasure.” Suzy picked up a cube of cheese with her fork, though the two young women spent far more time learning about their new neighbours than they did eating. Suzy was intrigued by the assortment of people that had come together.

The banker, who they’d met on the journey over, was called Mr Cartwright and, as Agatha was amazed to discover, he refused to eat meat. Mrs Allison Karmer was without a doubt the town’s seamstress; her dress was elaborately embroidered with flowers and puffed out in the most flattering places. Her husband, Richard, was likewise a tailor. There were plenty of farmers, a doctor named Grim, and a bubbly young man whom everyone called Father Samuel. Agatha was delighted to meet the other children, all as excited as their parents, and Suzy did her best to establish authority but remain friendly.

As the mayor said upon everyone’s departure, the evening was a ‘ridiculously brilliant success’.

“I love it!” Agatha spread her arms, pretending to envelope the miniature structure in a massive hug. Suzy sighed with relief; relief that her daughter loved their new home, and relief that it was as wonderful as she’d imagined.

“So do I, darling, so do I.” The cottage walls were plastered in clay, in which a fancy brick-like pattern had been etched. The metal roof slanted into a verandah, giving them the perfect area to sit outside on sunny days, and there was a chimney jutting from the side of the building. The little windows already had floral curtains behind them, and the wooden door looked desperate to be opened.

“Go, on, Aggie. Open her up.” She gave her a daughter a pat on the shoulder, and they slowly approached the entrance. Suzy noticed the damp soil beneath her feet; considering that the beach was only a horse ride away, the earth was amazingly fertile. She smiled, thinking about all the flowers and herbs she’d be able to plant.

The door creaked as Agatha’s little hands pushed against it, and she gasped when the interior came into sight.

“It’s beautiful!” She shouted, running to the table which stood proudly in the middle of the room. It had four wooden chairs around it, two for them and two for guests. Agatha slapped her palms on the back of one chair. “This one’s mine,” she said, claiming her seat.

“Then I’ll take the one to its right,” Suzy grinned. The cottage floor was polished grey stone, and the walls had been painted an off-white. Mixed with the colourful curtains and a red rug by the fireplace, the cottage was a paint palette of colours which perfectly reflected the sun’s light. Though, as the moon rose, there was a gas light hanging above the table, waiting to be lit. On the opposite side of the room, staring across at the fireplace, was a small kitchen. With a stove! Suzy had never had her own stove before, she’d always cooked over an open fire. “We can make our own bread now,” she said wistfully.

“Can we look in the next room?” Agatha asked, running circles around her mother.

“Be my guest!” The bedroom was an extension of the main building, built into the back. It was just the right size for the two of them, with a bed, a pair of dressers and a dressing table. Suzy thought of all her beauty supplies which would soon grace the table’s surface, and laughed to herself, imagining an older Agatha arguing over perfumes and hairclips. The young, present day Agatha, however, was jumping on the mattress, making the bed groan.

“Careful,” Suzy warned, “or you’ll break it. What would everyone think if we broke our furniture on the first day?”

“It won’t break,” the little girl giggled, “it’s too wonderful!” She held out her arms for Suzy, who picked her up and swung her daughter through the air, finally dropping Agatha onto the stone floor.

“How about we grab our trunks and begin unpacking?” Agatha would have found any other chore tedious, but as soon as Suzy made that suggestion, she ran out of the bedroom and crashed through the front door. The school teacher couldn’t blame her for being so happy, so was she, and this was the beginning of a whole new life for them, just waiting to be lived.


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264 Reviews


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Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:44 pm
Megrim wrote a review...



Hi there, Megrim strikes again. I admit I skimmed this one, because of things I've talked about before. Everything seems happy and positive. Stuff is going very well for the characters. There's optimism and discover and cheer. Which is great for the characters, of course, but it's not so great for readers. For whatever reason, we like when characters are in pain and conflict. I think it has a lot to do with seeing them deal with that conflict and come out of it on the other side, and that makes the payoff even sweeter. It also triggers that feeling of empathy.

I may have missed something important because I was skimming. To be fair, it's about how I'd approach it as a reader, too, so it's not like there's a major difference in how I've perceived the story. I was looking for some "twist," or not so much twist as source of tension. I wound up at the end without finding anything to really sink my teeth into.

I once had a critiquer who'd take ANYTHING and challenge you with it. Characters are having a conversation? They should be arguing. Got a present? The present should be awful. She loves her parents? She should resent them and be fighting with them. It's sort of an oversimplified approach, but the fundamental thing I learned was to always stop and see what tension you can ramp up. Do they HAVE to be happy? What things could come up to cause tension and conflict? Make the happiness an earned reward, rather than given freely. Look for conflict character to character as well as character to setting. There can be internal turmoil as well as external challenges, and I always like having a mix of both. At the end of the day, that's really what makes us want to read stories.




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624 Reviews


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Reviews: 624

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Thu Nov 24, 2016 12:23 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Dracula! Casanova here with another review!

I don't have much to say about this one. It's an improvement from your last installment, that's for sure. Your characters seem so much more real, and they don't seem as dull as they were as well. I really appreciate the change.
Overall the plot seemed kind of iffy to me. It's not the worst I've seen in a short story from you, but I thought the plot could definitely benefit from some work. It's not really that suspenseful, nor does it keep me on the edge of my seat. Or bed, should I say since that's where I am.
Anyway, your character description is a bit better than it has been, so I really appreciate that. Agatha and Suzy seem more real, and they're not just walking robots. I think that has to do with your dialogue, though. It seems you played around with it, so I like that.

One thing I didn't like was how playful the dialogue was. This seems to be about a settlement, of course considering the title, but here's an example of what I mean-

“This is yummy,” Agatha said as she shoved a slice of bread into her mouth, not bothering to butter it. Suzy elegantly laced the butter knife over her’s, and then moaned as she tasted the loaf.


This is something I would expect from a nowadays little girl. But this story seems to be set way before now, so I didn't really appreciate words and context like this. I would thing it would be a bit more formal, like,"This is tasty," even. But not,"yummy." That's just weird.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one. I hope it helped, even a bit.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron





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